


Absquatulate

by somniumfelix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Angst, Anxiety, Aromantic Asexual Charlie Weasley, Boys In Love, British Sign Language, Coming Out, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kid Fic, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, NaNoWriMo, Neurodivergent Remus Lupin, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Reunions, Summer Vacation, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Pettigrew, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 54,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26959147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somniumfelix/pseuds/somniumfelix
Summary: When Remus applied to work at a summer camp, he expected the summer to go relatively simply. Harry would make some new friends, and he, James and Peter could have a nice, chilled out month.With Sirius Black standing on the other end of the bedroom staring back at him, he knew that wasn't happening any time soon.absquatulateverb [ I ]UK  /əbˈskwɒ.tʃʊ.leɪt/ US  /əbˈskwɑː.tʃʊ.leɪt/to leave suddenly, without saying goodbye
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Mary Macdonald/Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 45
Kudos: 84





	1. Prologue: Tacenda

**Author's Note:**

> I decided, even though I've only been writing for a few months, to try NaNoWriMo along with some people in the SL Discord server, and this is the fic I've been planning for the last 6 weeks! I'd love to finish it in the month, but we'll see!  
> Thanks for everyone's love and support, and I hope you all enjoy! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tacenda  
> (pl.) (plural only)
> 
> 1\. things that are not to be spoken about or made public  
> 2\. things that are best left unsaid

_The sound of glass clattering on the hard wooden floor echoed around the cabin as the bottle was slammed onto the ground._

_"This is it, lads!" James exclaimed, "This is the last night before the rest of our lives!"_

_James Potter was of average height, well build after a lifetime of rugby and a summer of climbing, with gorgeously dark skin and a smile to light up an entire room. Wildly messy black hair flew up and out in all directions, and he slipped a large hand through the locks in a fruitless attempt to tame it. Brown eyes scanned the room from behind thick round glasses as he flopped cross-legged onto the floor. His eyes fell on the boy beside him._

_James laughed, "Come on then, Peter! First shots all for you!"_

_"Screw that, James!" The other boy - Peter Pettigrew- huffed, folding his arms. "What am I meant to do?! Drink it from the bloody bottle? I think you forgot the shot glasses, you dumbass!" He nudged the bottle with a sock-clad foot, snickering as James scrambled to keep it upright._

_Peter was a short, stocky boy with bright red cheeks and smiling eyes. His blonde hair stuck flatly to his head in the summer heat, and the brushed it from his forehead with the back of his clammy hand._

_"Come on, dude! Suck it up! Shot, shot, shot, shot!" A third boy began to chant. Sirius Black radiated a sense of elegance and aristocracy that most others could only dream of possessing; not that the young adult enjoyed it much. His hair, while typically falling in gorgeous dark waves down to his shoulders, was pulled up into a bun, fixed with a crescent moon hair stick poked right through the middle. As his chanting drowned out into laughter, he lost his breath, pale cheeks reddening from the heat and chuckling._

_"If you're so desperate, why don't you drink first?!" Peter hissed, narrowing his eyes at Sirius from across the circle they'd formed in the room._

_"Because," Sirius started with a drawl, as though what he was going to say was obvious, "I get drunker faster than you guys, so you should start!" He declared it as though it was a fact to be proud of, and knowing Sirius, it likely was._

_"What about you, Rem?" James asked with a smirk, eyes narrowing in on the remaining boy, who was curled up, legs pulled to his chest._

_"Oh, uh-" Remus shook his head, caramel curls flopping about as he did, "What were we on about?" He laughed sheepishly, face heating up as he realised he'd zoned out._

_Remus was small. Tiny, even. He barely came up to Sirius's shoulders, who must have stood at 6'3, and even though he was around an inch or so taller than Peter, his gangly limbs and bony structure made him look less than impressive. He kept his amber eyes hidden beneath his curly fringe, looking between his friends through the locks. He pulled at the hem of his t-shirt as he waited for James to carry on._

_"Why don't you have the first shot? We all know you handle your liqueur better than any of the rest of us!"_

_"Because," Remus rolled his eyes amusedly, "Firstly, Vodka isn't a liqueur, its liquor. And secondly, we aren't meant to be drinking. If McGonagall catches us, we're more than dead."_

_James snorted, snatched up the bottle and began to unscrew it. "Oh whatever, Remy! What are they gonna do? Send us home from camp?" He teased with a wink. He flicked the lid, and it was sent flying, colliding with Sirius's head (who did nothing more than mutter 'dickhead' under his breath)._

_"Okay, so they can't really do anything now, but we still shouldn't-"_

_"A toast!" James declared, jumping to his feet and gripping the bottle of vodka tight in his hand, ignoring Remus's pleading entirely. "Firstly, to Wormtail," He smiled, tilting the bottle to Peter and looking fondly at his friend._

_Remus chuckled to himself as he thought back to the day they came up with the nickname. No, thinking Peter's hand was a rat when he fell asleep under the bed hadn't been Remus's finest moment, but the jokes that came from it was worth the week's embarrassment._

_"For, despite his own lack of faith and against all the odds," James continued. "Passing all four of his A-Levels with flying colours and getting into university!" He cheered, beaming brightly at Peter, who was flushed and curled up into a ball, similarly to Remus._

_"Aw, come on guys," Peter dismissed, "I couldn't have done it without you lot!"_

_"We were all in different parts of the country, you idiot!" Sirius laughed, but they all knew what he meant._

_James, who couldn't stand in one place for longer than thirty seconds, it seemed, was now back on the floor, arm thrown around Peter. "You, my friend, worked your arse off! And you deserve all those A Stars that you earned!"_

_"Three of them!" Remus said, nodding with a smile. Peter's face reddened further, and he began to spout denials to his friends._

_"And let's not forget Mr Genius here!" Sirius then cried, nudging Remus with his elbow and winking. Desperately, Remus began to shoo away the fluttering feeling that was building in his stomach while Sirius was so near._

_"Of course!" James beamed._

_"He's only working on his applications for his Master's Degree at eighteen years old! Eighteen!"_

_Shaking his head, laughing, Peter looked at him in disbelief. "You know, when you told us four years ago that you'd passed your GCSE's and gotten into College at fourteen, I thought you were bullshitting. And then two years later you'd gotten into Uni! You were sixteen! I didn't think it was possible! But you're a year away from getting onto your next course for your Masters, and... I..." He trailed off, still shaking his head about and smiling, awed._

_"Come on, Pete," Remus doubted, "I might not get onto the course, and I might not even pass this year, and-"_

_"We'll have none of that now, Moony!" Sirius scolded, throwing himself at Remus and settling his head in his friend's lap. "We know you'll do brilliantly!"_

_Moony was a slightly less interesting nickname; when, in his first few days of camp eight years ago, Remus had already gotten himself a reputation of being clumsy, ditzy, and daydreaming, his overly excited roommates (who he'd yet to befriend) settled on a nickname before Remus could even say Hogwarts._

_Once he and Peter were given nicknames, it wasn't long before the two other boys followed. James's name, after a hilarious incident with a fork and the love of his life, Lily Evans, presented itself fast - and Prongs was born. For Sirius, after an encounter with a wild dog who he'd managed to calm down, joined with his general dog-like attitude, his name wasn't difficult to come up with._

_"Exactly! To you, Moony! Our resident genius!" James lifted the still full bottle as a toast, before turning to Sirius. "And you, Padfoot-"_

_"Oh, god."_

_"For... well, uh..." James faltered, chewing on his lip and shuffling on the spot sheepishly._

_"Money!" Sirius beamed, winking at Remus once more, "Good ol' Alphard kicked the bucket, didn't he? I have enough money to get plastic surgery and turn me into Prince if I wanted!"_ Not that you need it _, Remus shrugged in his mind._

_"What are you gonna do with it, then?" Excited, Peter leant forwards, gnawing on a nail as he did._

_"Well, I'm going to travel."_

_"Really?"_

_"Really," Sirius clarified, "I've always wanted to see the world and get away from my family, and now I can! I- uh... I'm off to France in about a week, actually..."_

_James tilted his head, frowning. "So soon?"_

_Remus's shoulders dropped, and he could feel his face darkening as he glared at Sirius. He didn't want to glare at him; Sirius was allowed to do what he liked, and Remus wouldn't stop that, even if it meant they'd be going their sperate ways for a while. At that moment, it seemed to hit Remus like a truck. They were growing up. His best friends; the best friends he only saw for thirty days a year; were moving on, doing their own things._

_And Sirius was one of them._

_"Yeah, it was pretty sudden, to be honest," Sirius laughed sheepishly, brushing a strand of fallen hair from in front of his face and tucking it behind his ear - a nervous habit of his that Remus had picked up on years ago and found awfully endearing. "But don't worry!" He exclaimed cheerfully upon seeing the sullen looks on his friend's faces, "I'll only be travelling for a few years, and I'll be coming back to visit all the time!"_

_Looking only a little more reassured, James moved to ruffle his friend's hair affectionately while Peter spread out on the floor, smiling up at the ceiling._

_"Alright, Pads! But you know you'll always be at mine, even if it's just for a few nights!" The blonde beamed, and James nodded violently._

_"And mine! My parents love you, anyway, even if you've only met them once or twice!"_

_Remus didn't say anything, but he hoped the look he gave Sirius made his point clear. Going by the smile he received back, it was._

_"Anyway!" Sirius jumped up, snatching the bottle from James, who'd slackened his grip on the vodka during the conversation. "Enough of that! We can talk about me tomorrow-"_

_"Padfoot, avoiding his favourite topic? What a shock!" Remus teased with the roll of his eyes, and Sirius stuck his tongue out._

_"Zip it, you! We aren't done with toasts yet! To James, my brother in all but blood!" The dark-haired boy tilted the bottle to his friend, who remained on the floor, now looking a little flushed and nervous. "To finally, after years upon years of trying, finally won over the love of his life this year!"_

_Remus couldn't help but soften as James lit up at the thought of Lily. His years of pining had been thoroughly worth it, as she'd finally said yes to a date with him in the New Year, and the relationship had flourished over the past seven months._

_"About that..." James started, rubbing his hands together anxiously, eyes flickering between his three friends._

_"You're not breaking up, are you? She's not done it over text, surely!" Peter doubted, brows raised and eyes wide._

_Scrambling about, waving his hands frantically, James cried out, "Oh god no! We aren't breaking up! Hell no!"_

_"Then what?" Remus quizzed._

_"Well..."_

Remus's head was spinning as he looked over the rippling water. Flopping ungracefully to the pebbled ground, he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter from his jacket pocket. 

"So," Sirius began, a little slurred. He fell to the ground even less gracefully that Remus, clearly too drunk to be sneaking out to smoke. "Lily's pregnant..."

"Yeah," Remus drawled, lighting his cigarette and taking a long drag. "And they're keeping it."

Sirius laughed, loud and hearty, and Remus wanted nothing more to hear that sound on loop. " _Him_ , Moony! He said it's a boy."

After Remus gave him nothing more than a disgruntled hum, Sirius huffed.

"Really though, I'm happy for them, but I'm worried they're throwing their lives away over... Well, I feel like saying 'accident' is a bad way to say it, but it's true. They didn't exactly plan for a kid at eighteen!" Sirius finished with a flourish of his hands. He huffed, dropping his head to his knees that were pulled tight to his chest.

"What," Remus hissed, unable to contain the bubbling anger that had been threatening to boil over throughout the past hour of drinking. "And suddenly upping and leaving the country i _sn't_ throwing your life away?"

"What the _fuck_ is with you?!" You've had a stick up your arse since the second I mentioned leaving! I'm not _throwing away_ anything, Remus, alright? I just want to travel the world, you know? So, come on, tell me! Why aren't you happy for me? Why don't you want me to go, hm?!" Sirius's voice got louder and louder, and Remus had half a mind to tell him to shut up before the camp councillors heard.

_Tell him!_ Remus argued with himself, _tell him you're in love with him and that you never want him to leave!_

"Well-" Remus began, fulling intending to tell Sirius after years of keeping it to himself, only to find his friend stormy eyed and raging. He couldn't do it, not when Sirius was already so annoyed at him. He couldn't make it worse. Not on their last night. "I'm not ready for everyone to leave, I guess. I've not wrapped my head around the fact that we're all growing up and moving on, and I'll miss everyone." _I'll miss you the most._

Suddenly (so sudden that Remus wondered if he was ever angry at all), Sirius smiled, bright and infectious, and reached over from his spot on the shore to ruffle his friend's dishevelled hair.

"Oh, Moony! If you were going to miss me, you could have just said!" He teased, shuffling so that he was now right next to Remus, sides pressed together, using each others body heat to keep warm in the cooling summer air. Remus couldn't seem to make himself smile as genuinely as he wanted, aching a little at the truth of the words.

Instead of responding - because really, what could he say? - Remus laid back against the pebbles, cigarette still loose between his fingers, and he took another drag. He started up to the sky, at the dark inky night and the pinprick stars against it, and found himself basking in the light of the moon. Stealing a glance at Sirius, Remus found his breath catching in his throat. 

Sirius wasn't quite laying but had now stretched out, his legs out in front of him, leaning back on his arms. His face was lit up by the moonlight; a white glow on the end of his nose, hitting his cheekbones and making his eyes shine. 

"This won't be the end for us, will it?" Remus finally said after a moment, continuing to stare up at the night sky.

Sirius's head spun around fast, and he looked at Remus strangely with a raised eyebrow. "Us?"

"The four of us," Remus clarified a little too fast, not wanting to give Sirius the wrong idea (he couldn't help but notice how Sirius's face dropped a bit and his lips turned into a small pout - a gorgeous look he wanted to kiss off of him quickly).

"No, it won't," Sirius smiled sadly, "I know why you're worried, though."

"It's just... we've been going to this camp since we were ten years old. I know I only see you guys a few weeks a year, but you're the best friends I've ever had. I can't bear the thought of suddenly losing that just because we've grown up and we're moving on. I still want to be..."

"Us." Sirius finished for him, laying down on the ground fully. He took Remus's hand into his own, and they laid under the moonlight.

Sirius's thumb stroked over the back of Remus's hand, and he felt himself sober incredibly quickly - he needed to get away before he said something he'd regret. Before he said something that would ruin his friendship with Sirius that already seemed to be hanging in the balance over distance. But as he went to pull his hand away, Sirius's grip tightened just a little, as though he was afraid to let Remus go. 

"I know we'll all be in different parts of the country-"

"Or a different country entirely."

"-But we'll still be us! It'll still be Prongs never shutting up about Lily, who we still haven't met, by the way!" Sirius laughed, "And Peter will always be worried about his classes and still passing them all. You'll never stop working and be the youngest kid to get a Masters Degree!"

"Sirius," Remus chuckled, turning to his friend, "You say that every time but you know it's not possible! The youngest kid is eight! And, we aren't kids anymore..." He reminded, voice turning dejected at the end.

"I'll be on stages across the world, maybe! Or I'll travel for a bit and come back and teach like I always wanted. Maybe, in a few years time, we'll be back at this camp, exactly where we are now, exactly _as_ we are, but as councillors! Wouldn't that be awesome?!" Sirius exclaimed brightly.

"It would."

"It was always me and you, wasn't it, Rem? James is my brother and Peter is my best friend, but you... yeah-" Sirius finished lamely, cutting himself off.

"Yeah?" Remus asked, eyes narrowing at his friend. Sirius turned onto his back once again and stared up at the moon.

"Yeah." As though that answered the question.

"We'll be fine," Sirius sounded happier this time, but still not as sure of himself. "We'll be okay."

Remus hoped so.


	2. Eccedentesiast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years on, Remus returns with his two best friends and nephew.
> 
> Eccedentesiast  
> noun[ I ]  
> ecce·den·te·si·ast
> 
> someone who hides pain behind a smile

Reaching over his head in a long-needed stretch, Remus took in a deep breath, savouring the smell of the freshly cut grass, sea salt, and the unpolluted air he'd missed so dearly. 

Nothing had changed whatsoever. Hogwarts Camp was as it always was - heading up the cobbled driveway led to the impressive Undercrouch Hall, situated in the middle of the grounds. Surrounding it was eight different cabins, evenly spaced over the field, bordered by gorgeous woods and trekking paths that Remus was sure he still remembered like the back of his hand.

He was back, finally. After ten years away from the fields where he flourished, he'd returned. 

He tilted his head one way, and then the next, cracking his neck as the taxi he'd arrived in speeded off back down the uneven driveway, before taking his suitcase by the handle. With slow steps, taking in sights he hadn't seen in so long, Remus headed to the entrance of the hall.

Undercrouch Hall had been impressive in Remus's youth, and just as so in his adulthood. With exposed brickwork and support beams on the inside, bright artwork and posters on the walls and signs pointing in all directions, Remus felt like he was home again. 

"Hey there!" He smiled gleefully at the lady behind the reception desk, "I'm here as one of the new Camp Councillors this year! I'm a bit early, but I was wondering if you could tell me where to go before the kids arrive this afternoon?"

The receptionist had pursed lips, greying black hair and stern eyes as she looked up from the computer she was so engrossed in. Cocking a dark, badly filled in eyebrow, she gave a half-hearted smile. 

"Remus Lupin, hm? Back to cause more trouble?"

"M-Miss Pince!" He exclaimed, dropping his suitcase and widening his eyes as it hit him; the receptionist was Irma Pince, the same as a decade prior.

"The same," She said, bored, "You'll find a lot of us are still here, you know? Hard to leave this place once you're here."

Looking around at the bold colours, the traditional architecture and the imaginary kids running through the corridors, Remus smiled, fulled to the brim with nostalgia, "You're telling me."

"Down the hall, to the left, out onto the quad by-"

"The picnic benches and table tennis, yes, I recall," He beamed, bending to take the handle of his case once again, ready to dash off. He thanked Irma and waved, but barely took a step before she spoke again. 

"Two of them are already here, you should know. A certain two friends of yours."

That was all Remus needed to hear, and he took off running down the hall, turning the corner and throwing the doors wide open, bag trailing behind him, whacking into walls on its way.

He found himself on what was referred to at the quad - a small pebbled patio to the back of the building - with picnic benches on the stones and field beyond, leading to the different cabins. In the centre was a blue table tennis table, with one person perched on top of it, and another stood to the side. The two people were laughing hysterically, bags abandoned, leaning on the fence nearby.

The familiar faces bought warmth to Remus's heart, and his smile widened even further as he walked over to them.

"Well, hello!" He beamed loudly, breaking the conversation between the pair. 

They looked over to him, and their faces lit up, eyes going bright and smiles stretching from ear to ear. James Potter was the same as a decade before, other than more defined features and another inch or so taller. His hair was still unruly, sticking out all over the place, and his glasses were just as unstylish, big and dark and round, with brown eyes shining from behind them. Peter Pettigrew had changed a bit more, slimming down a little as the years had gone on, but still not as toned as his friend. His blonde hair was still in its flat fringe, flicking up at the end, and he had the same cheerful grin and rosy cheeks. 

"Remus!" Peter ran towards him, tacking his friend into a hug, "How are you?! When did you get here?" 

"Just now, mate!" He laughed, pulling back from his friend, and they headed to where James was jumping down from the table. "I'm good, how are you, lads?"

Before Peter could answer, James swooped Remus into a hug, patting his back a few times, "Hey, Moony! It's been too long, brother!"

"James, I saw you for your birthday, what, five months ago? We used to go a whole year without seeing each other," Remus reminded him, amused.

"I know, Rem, but it's still too long! You need to come and visit us more, we miss you, you know..."

"I know, I'll try. Anyway, when did you guys get here?  _ How  _ did you get here?"

"I bought 'em." Peter chipped in, taking Remus's bag from his grip and putting it with theirs. "I drove down from mine to Cambridge, picked up Prongs and the sprog, said hey to Lily, then came right here! We've only been here, what, twenty minutes before you got here?" Peter estimated, looking over at James, who nodded agreeing.

"Speaking of," Remus looked around desperately, "Where is my nephew?! I miss the kid, and I may or may not have gifts for him," He winked, and James groaned.

"You two," He glared affectionately at his friends, "Are still banned from gift-giving after you bought Harry that drumkit for his fifth birthday, you know that, right? Lily never did forgive you for that!"

"No, she never did!" Peter cackled, remembering the videos James had sent them both of five-year-old Harry screaming, bashing the drums as loud as he could with a raging Lily in the background. 

"And he's off exploring," James explained. "We told him he could look about before the rest of the kids arrive."

"And when's that?"

"An hour or so, yet!"

"Ah, okay, no rush then," Remus smiled, "So! How are the wives, you two?!"

They stood around chatting, catching up for around thirty minutes before another person arrived. Peter talked about how he and his wife Mary were looking at adoption, and James happily announced how he and Lily were expecting a second child, this time a little girl. Remus told them about his job, catching them up on work drama he'd told them back in March when they last all saw each other, and they found themselves crying with laughter when they were interrupted. Two tall, lanky ginger men introduced themselves as Fabien and Gideon Prewett, twins who were back for their third year of camp. After offering any guidance if they needed, they told the three boys that they'd have a small introduction before the kids began to arrive.

"This was a good idea, guys, to come back here to work. It's what we always wanted, wasn't it!" James grinned as the quad filled up more and more, until there was a total of sixteen camp councillors and a few additional members of staff.

"Of course it was," Peter agreed fast, "I mean, we get to come back to where we met and spent our childhoods, and Harry'll be here with his friends! It'll be brilliant. I just wish  _ he _ was here," Peter finished sadly, glancing over to Remus as he did.

"Yeah, well," Remus said harshly, "That's his fault. No point staying hung up over someone who clearly didn't want a thing to do with us." He could feel his friend's eyes on him, and he knew exactly how they'd both look. James would look hurt, uncomfortable and confused, while Peter was just sad - more sad for Remus, for some reason, than himself, it seemed. They looked the same every time he was bought up, and  _ that  _ was more often than any of them really liked.

Peter, James and Remus hadn't seen Sirius Black in ten years, and they hadn't heard a word from him in seven. After he went off travelling at eighteen, only a week after the last day of their last camp, he'd never been seen again. He called, not very often, but he did, and the three of them were grateful with the connections they had with Sirius, however small. At nineteen, Sirius never came home for the birth of James's son or his wedding, and at twenty-one, he dropped all contact altogether. His phone number was passed to someone new, they had no means to contact his family, and for all intents and purposes, Sirius Orion Black disappeared off of the face of the earth. 

"He'll be back one day, Rem," Peter promised with an unsure smile, "I know how much you miss him."

"I don't miss him," Remus answered a little too quickly, staring at the floor and kicking a stone.

James argued quickly, "Yes, you do. We all do."

They hovered in an awkward silence, James and Peter glancing at each other from either side of Remus. 

_ It was always me and you, wasn't it, Rem? _

What a load of bullshit that was.

"Can I have your attention, please?" A voice with a thick Scottish accent called, echoing a little in the vast outdoors. Snapping from his angry trance, Remus looked up to see a lady over by the doors, scanning over the crowd around her. She wore an obscene amount of tartan, and smiled, firm but friendly, hands out and paper in her hand. "The kids will be arriving any moment now, so I'd like to take the moment to introduce myself and explain the order of this evening, yes?" She spoke loudly, hushing the young adults that were still murmuring in different spots across the quad.

Minerva McGonagall had not changed a bit in the past ten years.

"I'm Minerva, and I'm Assistant Camp Manager for Hogwarts Summer Camp this year."

"Look!" James whispered loud enough for both Remus and Peter to hear, "Minnie's still here!"

"She hated you calling her that," Remus laughed, forgetting his previous thoughts for the time being. Sirius wasn't worth the energy to worry over.

"So!" McGonagall continued while everyone was still hushed, "I'll be giving you all your papers for the next four weeks, with registers, health details and such for the children. Those who've been here before know this, but I'll explain anyway! There is one cabin per age group, and each cabin is split into two sides, one for boys and one for girls. There are twelve youngsters per cabin, six girls and six boys. You'll be in pairs, and the both of you will be the first point of contact for the six children left in your care, as well as sharing a side of the cabin with them. You and your councillor 'buddy', as we'll refer to them, will share a room, and hopefully, it'll be spacious enough to accommodate!"

James nudged both his friends and snorted, "I better not be roomed with some tosser!" He murmured, nodding towards a younger blonde man just in front of them who'd previously been loudly announcing all his qualifications (none of which were relevant).

"Knowing my luck," Remus said, "You two will be together, and I'll be the one stuck with some wanker."

"Probably!"

"Now, each of you has already been given an activity speciality if you applied for one. The rest of you will be spaced out between different activities over the camp. If you're unsure of where you're meant to be, please, don't hesitate to ask." McGonagall reassured. "When the children begin to arrive, I and the camp director, as well as our receptionist, will send them over to whoever they need to be with. You will check off their names, make sure everyone's here, and then take them to your cabin. You all, children  _ and  _ councillors, will be able to unpack and settle in, before our opening ceremony campfire. We asked parents to feed their kids a full meal before arrival, but there will be sandwiches at the campfire for any hungry youngsters!" She clapped once, and smiled, "I'll come round and hand out the paperwork, and we'll go from there."

Chatter amongst the crowd picked up again as Minerva got caught up within the camp staff.

"Are you guys working on activities or all around?" Remus asked, turning back to his friends.

"Both activities!" Peter grinned, "I'm on bushcraft."

"Waterfront for me."

"Oh, that's cool. I've got wilderness orienteering or something like that?" Remus looked puzzled, unable to remember the name of his job in full.

"Like hikes and stuff?" James grimaced.

"Not quite," He corrected, "More like exploring and learning to look after animals and build bug houses and that, really. You know I'm not one for hikes, James, look at me!" He gestured down to himself, all skin and bones, short and frail.

"Fair point!"

They hushed as Minerva approached them, a thin smile on her lips, but her eyes fond.

"The trouble makers are back, it seems," She remarked, stopping just as she reached them.

"'Ello Minnie!" James winked, throwing an arm over her shoulders, "How have you been?"

"Charming as always, Mr Potter. I'm well, how are you all? It's been a while."

Peter and Remus greeted her, and they caught up talking for a moment before McGonagall handed each of them a small pile of papers. 

"This is everything you need to know. James, Peter, you'll be pleased to know you're together. Sorry, Remus," She apologised, but Remus brushed it off. He'd called it, anyway. "But, because all three of you are with our first-year attendants, and Remus, you're with the boys, you do have a certain little boy in your care." She winked and hurriedly said her goodbyes, turning to another small group of nattering camp councillors.

Before Remus could open his mouth to confirm with James what McGonagall had suggested, he felt something hit the back of his legs, hard, and he yelped.

"Argh!" He lept forwards just to find the heavy weight still clinging to his legs.

"Uncle Moony! Uncle Remus!"

Remus looked down to see his nephew clinging to his side, nuzzling against him in a hug, and he made no hesitation to swoop the little boy into his arms. It was a little uncomfortable, as the kid was far too tall for his age, and Remus was too short and a little weak, but the hug was warm and comforting all the same.

"Look who it is! It's my favourite nephew!" He grinned, ruffling the little boy's dark messy hair, "How is my Harry, anyway?"

"Uncle Moony!" Harry repeated with a laugh, "I'm you're only nephew!" He straightened his glasses - the same as his fathers, and smiled even wider.

"Doesn't make you any less than my favourite, alright!"

"Not giving your dad or Uncle Wormy any love?!" James huffed in mock offence.

"No!" Harry snorted, wrapping his arms around Remus's neck, "Uncle Moony is my favourite, and you two wouldn't stop singing that dumb song on the way here!"

"Dumb song?" Remus whispered over Harry's shoulder, still holding the boy closer.

"Bohemian Rhapsody," Peter clarified with an eye roll, "We kept singing it really loudly, I'm surprised the kid didn't try and jump from the car!" 

"Me too! You and James can't sing for shit!" Remus put Harry down, ruffling his hair once more as the boy walked to his dad.

"Like you can say much!" James laughed, "You're just as bad!"

"Yeah, Moony, it was always Sirius that was the good singer out of us lot!"

Peter fell hushed as soon as he'd said it, and a painful silence fell over them. James looked apologetically at Remus, who had to fight back tears of anger - especially in front of his dear nephew.

"Daddy," Harry muttered, "Is Sirius here?"

Shoulders tensing, Remus blinked once, then twice, and looked over to Harry and James.

"I'm sorry, Kiddo, not this time..."

Harry scrunched his face up, and looked to the ground, kicking a rock. "I wanna meet Padfoot, though!" He pleaded, pushing out a bottom lip, "I want to hear about more funny stories from him like you guys have told me!"

James's eyes began to water - Remus could see that from a mile away, and Peter looked too stunned to say anything.

"Hey, Prongslet!" Remus grinned forcefully, hoping his voice sounded calmer than he felt, "Why don't me and you go to our little waiting point and we can meet the rest of your campmates, yeah? And then we can unpack and see where we're sleeping!" He suggested, taking the little boys hand. He nodded, smiling sadly, and said goodbye to his father and Peter. "See you both at the campfire tonight?" Remus murmured so Harry couldn't hear.

"Yeah."

"See you then."

With that, he and Harry walked, hand in hand, away from the patio and around the corner of the building. Down the side was a fence, and each fencepost was labelled - firstly 1G, then 1B, then 2G and so on. Remus led Harry to the second post, for Cabin One Boys, and they waited for a few seconds in silence.

"Moony?"

"Yes, Harry?"

The little boy gnawed on his lower lip, and looked up at his uncle through his lashes, "What is Sirius like? Dad's told me all about him, as has Uncle Pete, but you don't talk about him."

"Well, Harry-"

"Why don't you talk about him? Is it because he left?"

"He-"

"Are you sad? Daddy always seems sad when he talks about him, and-"

"Harry!" Remus shushed the boy with a tense laugh, "Give me a moment, kid! This is all out of the blue!"

"Sorry."

"No, no, Prongslet, don't be sorry. You're only curious!" Remus reassured him, patting his head a couple times until Harry smiled, "Sirius and I... we got on really well. He was my best friend."

"Do you miss him?"

"I do," Remus smiled, wiping his not-quite-dry eyes with the back of his hand, "I was sad when he left, and then very angry, and I think I still am a little."

"Will you be friends with him again?"

"It's more complicated than that, love," He began to explain, "See, we don't know where Padfoot is, and when - I mean,  _ if  _ \- he does come back, I haven't spoken to him in a long, long time. Plus, when we were little, I-"

"Excuse me!" A chirpy voice called, and Remus looked up to see a group of small children just a few feet away. "Is this where we go if this is our first year?" The little boy, a ginger freckled kid, asked, dragging behind him a tatty bag.

"This is, you're in the right place!" Remus smiled, shrugging off the conversation before and focusing on the kids before him. "And what would your name be?"

"Ron Weasley!" He grinned. 

"Alright then, Ron, if you want to come and line up behind Harry here, we'll get everyone sorted and settled in!"

One by one, Remus marked off the names of the other children, and sighed in relief when he realised everyone was already here, and there were no latecomers. 

"Alright, you lot!" He laughed, hushing the group of six boys, "Now, I'm Remus, and in a sec we'll be going to the cabin you'll be staying at for the month! There are three bunk beds, and you'll all be in one room. We'll go over bedtime rules tonight after the campfire this evening!"

"Campfire?!" A tall, plump boy Remus remembered as Neville beamed.

"That's right. But first, we have to go over to the cabin and meet your other councillor, okay?" Remus realised he was still stood alone, and hoped and prayed his other teammate was already over in the cabin, for some strange reason. 

Gathering their bags up, Remus led the group over the field, waving over to James and Peter with their crowd of girls still over by the fence.

"So," Remus huffed as he pulled his bag over the dry ground, struggling to keep it straight and help the others, making sure no one dropped anything. "Anyone have any questions before we get there?"

"What sorta things do we get to do?" Ron asked, producing a jelly snake from seemingly nowhere and taking a bite.

"Well, you'll do lots of stuff. There's rock climbing, sailing, walks, beach trips, tons!" Remus smiled before rolling his eyes lightly, "Ron, surely you know that you aren't meant to bring sweets to camp. We have a tuck shop on-site, by the way, guys!" He directed to the rest of the group.

"But Remus!" Harry laughed, "Dad says you and Uncle Pete and him and Sirius used to bring sweets to camp  _ all  _ the time! He put a load in my bag for me! I'll share them with you," He grinned at the ginger boy, nudging him slightly.

_ That little- _

"Yes, Harry, your dad and I  _ did  _ use to bring candy to camp, but that doesn't mean you should follow in his example!"

They made it to the cabins as Remus explained to the young boys how he and some of the other councillors (namely Peter and James) used to attend Hogwarts as campers, and not workers, and excitedly told them a few child-friendly camp stories. He opened the door to the hut, and found himself sent back eighteen years; to the day he first walked into the cabin. 

He'd stumbled through the door, anxiously following the councillor and other kids, clutching his bag tight in his hand and wishing he was anywhere other than there. Only when he'd fallen - literally - into Sirius and he introduced them to the other boys in the cabin (James and two others called Frank and Severus) did he finally make a few friends. Peter joined them in their cabin when they were thirteen, and settled in fast. Frank stopped turning up after a few years, and Severus, well, he stopped coming during the sixth year, and he was never much missed. But the four that remained spent their summer days happy and together.

Hopefully, his nephew would get that same experience.

As Remus looked over to the kids behind him in the hallway, chattering and laughing and sharing sweets, he knew that he would.

"Alright, boys!" Remus called, quieting them down, "You guys are in this room on the left, okay? This side is the girls' room, and the leaders will be staying in the two rooms just beyond them. The girls' councillors will be in the room to the right, and myself in the one to the left." He explained, gesturing to the appropriate doors where needed. "The boys' bathroom is the left door right at the end of the corridor and has the toilets, showers and changing spaces. We'll leave this hallway light on in case any of you get up in the middle of the night." Finally, once sure the boys knew where they were going, he pushed open the door to the boys' room.

One set of bunk beds were against the wall to the left, and a second and third were on the right and back wall. In between them were various draws, dressers and wardrobes, a little rickety and worn - likely the same ones Remus himself had used as a child.

The boys rushed in eagerly, pushing past Remus and clambering onto beds to claim them. Harry, as quick as anything, lept into the top bunk on the back wall, and Ron, his new friend, so it seemed, took the one below him. Two other boys, who seemed to have met before camp, called Dean and Seamus, took the beds to the left, leaving the two remaining boys (Neville and a quiet, but almost put off looking kid, called Draco) to the beds on the right. Draco took the top bunk without another word, and Neville dumped his bags onto the bottom mattress.

"Does anyone need a hand unpacking?" Remus asked over the chatter, and was met with fast denials before the conversations continued. "Boys! Listen up!" Their heads spun around, looking at Remus with apologetic, but impatient eyes. "Now I've got your attention... There's a campfire tonight, as I've already said. You have an hour to settle, unpack, get to know each other, before we'll leave for the forest clearing where the firepit is."

There was a shout, followed by high pitched giggling, and the front door of the cabin shut. Another deeper, amused bellow followed that Remus recognised as James, and he gathered the girls had turned up to the rooms.

"Can we go and meet the girls?!" Dean asked excitedly, eyes wide - a similar expression worn by all of the boys.

"Yes," Remus sighed, "But only after you've unpacked, alright! Okay, I'll leave you all to it. Remember, I'm through the second door to the right if you need me. I'll come and grab you in an hour for our campfire!"

With laughter and excited scrambling picking up, Remus left the room, closing the door behind him. He leant against the wall in the corridor, listening to the chatter from both sides of the cabin. Being back was... odd. Nothing had changed, really, except for the fact he was 28, only two of his best friends remained, and his nephew was the one there as an attendee. Still dragging his bag behind him, Remus made it to his own room, lowering his head with a sigh as he pushed open the door. 

He caught a figure in the corner of his eye, and looked up to greet who he guessed was his fellow councillor for the next four weeks.

For a moment, Remus wondered if he'd imagined it; hoped and prayed in the back of his mind enough to see that same face again, that when met with another person, his mind had morphed their features into what he wanted. But as the person - the man - smiled and lifted a hand in an awkward, small wave, and shrugged, Remus knew it wasn't his imagination.

"Surprise?"

Remus's heart sunk.

His pulse quickened, eyes going wide, scared, shocked.

Black hair fell loosely to shoulders, cheekbones were highlighted by the flickering overhead light, eyes still grey and shining and excited.

In front of him, stood by one of the beds, in the standard camp uniform, as if he hadn't been missing for the past seven years, was his childhood friend.

His camp mate.

His first love. His only love, if Remus was going to be depressing about it.

"Sirius?"


	3. Athazagoraphobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving on never went too well when the object of your affections comes back out of the blue. Remus tries to keep his head on straight and prays that James doesn't hit anyone.
> 
> Athazagoraphobia  
> [noun]  
> at-haz-ago-ra-pho-bi-a
> 
> The fear of being forgotten, ignored, or replaced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!  
> These chapters are far longer than I'm used to writing, and I just hope that people like how long they are and aren't put off by it <3<3

One, two, three steps rearwards, and Remus's back hit the wall. He dropped his bag; the suitcase, too heavy on one side, tipped over onto the floor with a clatter that Remus couldn't quite bring himself to care about. He was numinous, the panic building and throbbing against his chest, and for a moment, he almost stuck a hand out, trying to reach the man who was four or five steps ahead of him. Instead, Remus pulled his hands closer to his body, trying to curl up as small as possible while standing, hoping and praying the floor would just open up. He couldn't do it, he couldn't deal with seeing him after so long. 

Sirius Black hadn't changed much over the years. 

His hair was the same inky black it always had been. Falling in smooth waves down to his shoulders, Remus could almost remember the feel of the locks slipping through his fingers when he'd tuck a loose strand behind Sirius's ear. His eyes the same cloudy grey, and Remus found himself swimming in the storm of his iris'. The corner of his lips - still as pink and alluring - twitched in a small, unsure smile, and Remus nearly recoiled at the sight. Other than smoother skin, longer hair and a sharper jawline - which should have been criminal, really - he was the same.

The last time Remus saw him, Sirius had taken his breath away.

And here he was, ten years later, doing the exact same thing.

Sirius took a step forward, stretching out his hand for a moment, as though he was about to grab Remus, to touch him after so long, before he dropped his arm and sighed.

"Hey, Moony," He grinned, a little halfhearted, dropping his shoulders. Even his voice hadn't changed - sweet, calming, a little rough but delightful all the same.

"No, no no no," Remus mumbled, trying to step back once more, only to press himself further into the wall, "You don't get to call me that anymore, not after so long."

"But-"

"Why- why are you here, S-Sirius," He stammered, the name, more so directed to its owner, foreign on his lips. He grabbed onto the door handle behind him, as though ready to make a break for it. It couldn't be him, surely? It had to be a ghost, or Remus's own imagination; anything for him to remember that Sirius wasn't there anymore.

"Oh, I wanted to come and work here for the summer! Thought it'd be a good experience," Sirius smiled, eyes shining as he stared at Remus, and he took another step to his old friend.

"Not  _ here _ , Sirius," Remus hissed in shock rather than anger. He made his way to the bed in small, tentative steps, facing the man the whole time, not daring to blink or turn his back for the fear that he'd disappear again. "Why... why are you  _ here _ ? In England? Stood in front of me! You- you've been gone for-"

"Seven years, I know."

"No, Sirius, ten years!" Remus's voice was getting louder with each word, but he suddenly dropped his volume when he remembered his nephew - and the other kids - next door.

And James across the hall.

_ Fuck! James! _

Sirius moved closer still, only a few feet from the bed Remus had lowered himself onto. His hands twitched to reach out to touch Sirius, and Remus buried his hands in his hair just so he didn't.

"Come on, Moony, you knew where I was for three years-"

"No, we didn't!"

"Rem-"

"You left!" Remus spat, eyes narrowing in on Sirius, torn between hitting him and hugging him. "You upped and left! You didn't come back for James's wedding, or for his kid's birth! Birthdays, Christmas, New Years, and you never came back! And then next thing you know, you disappear off the face of the fucking earth!" He shouted, fighting back the tears building on his lashline. He shot up from the bed again, stepping in long strides until he was in front of Sirius. Hitting his hands firmly on Sirius's chest, Remus pushed, hard, until Sirius's back hit the opposite wall from the beds. He dug his fingers into the fabric of Sirius's camp shirt, pulling on the cotton, still unsure if he wanted to pull Sirius into an embrace or not.

"So," Sirius laughed lightly, as Remus sucked in a deep breath, "Are you done?"

Of course, Sirius had laughed it off. Ten years might have been a while, but he hadn't forgotten who Remus was. Composed, unless he was  _ hurt _ .

Remus looked up to Sirius, keeping his hands on his chest, fingers trembling. Sirius was there. Physically there. The same laugh, same eyes, same everything. Here he was, making Remus weak at the knees once more, as though he'd never left.

"Yes," Remus huffed shakily, taking a step back, then two more, until the backs of his knees hit the edge of one of the beds. He fell down onto it ungracefully, before burying his face in his hands. 

Sirius tentatively sat down beside him, picking at his fingers, and shuffling about, trying to get comfortable. The air was tense, thick, and Remus's skin crawled with the urge to break the deafening silence.

Sirius beat him to it. "Do you not want me here?"

"Of course I want you here, Sirius," Remus said, wondering if he was lying or not. "It's just..."

What was it? Gobsmacking? Unreal? Shouldn't be happening?

"...A shock." He finished.

"I-I can imagine."

"It's just... you disappear for years, and suddenly... you're back. You didn't call or text or let any one of us know! Can you even imagine the state James was in? He lost his bloody brother. Peter lost his best friend!" Remus blinked back tears once again. He wouldn't cry now, that was just embarrassing.

"And what about you?" Sirius asked softly, playing with the hem of his polo shirt. "What did you lose?"

_ The love of my life _ was too close to the tip of Remus's tongue.

"You," He shrugged lamely. Only he would know they were the same thing.

The silence grew once again, as awkward and as suffocating as before. 

"We can't be like- like  _ this _ ," Remus shook his head, "We're working together for a month. We... we need to-"

"Be friends?" Sirius filled in hopefully, "Can we try that? See if we can pick up where we left off?"

"For the kid's sakes?"

"Yes," He smiled, "And mine too. And yours. Plus Peter and James, if they'll have me."

Remus found himself shaking his head again, shuffling just that little bit closer to Sirius, basking in the comforting warmth and calm aura radiating from him. 

"I'm sure they will," Remus smiled back, not having to force it as much as he expected, but once again doubting his own words, "They loved you, and if they-"

There were two sharp knocks at the door, and both men twisted their bodies to face the doorway.

"Who is it?" Remus called out.

"It's just me. Neville, Mr Remus!" The young boy called from the corridor. "The girls are leaving for the campfire now with Mr James and Mr Peter, and they told me to tell you!"

"Ah, uh, yeah! Okay, Neville! Head back to the room, and I'll be there in just a moment!"

Remus lept from the bed, straightening out his shirt and pacing around the room rather oddly, before looking over to Sirius.

"How, uh, how do I look? Okay? Not- not a mess?" He snorted unamusedly, sticking his arms out to the side.

"Yeah. Yeah, you look... look good. Fine. You look fine," Sirius stammered, shaking his head and walking towards the door of the room. "Well, yeah, we'll unpack tonight, I guess?"

"Yeah."

Remus left the room, followed by Sirius, and they made it to the door of the boys' room. He gave three quick knocks before pushing it open, to see all six of the boys looking at him eagerly.

"Are we off to the campfire now, Moony?!" Harry beamed, practically vibrating on the spot with excitement. The other boys chatted and cheered in agreement.

"In one moment," Remus laughed, "But there's someone you need to meet first." He stepped further into the room, and Sirius entered, previously hidden out of view. "This is Sirius, he'll be your other camp counsellor. If you feel like you can't come to me about something, you can come and speak to Sirius, and vice versa, alright?"

"Sirius?" Harry asked, face a little twisted, "Like... Like Padfoot!"

"Oh my god, you're-"

"Okay!" Remus interrupted with a clap, drawing everyone's attention to him, "Let's get going, shall we? We don't want to miss any of those toasted marshmallows now, do we?" He winked. The kids, who'd looked awkwardly at the strange exchange, were now bounding out of the room and waiting in the corridor. 

"Talk to him?" Remus muttered to Sirius, who nodded. 

He went on ahead, leading the boys out of the cabin, with Harry and Sirius walking a little further behind.

"So, you're Sirius? The one that Uncle Wormy and Dad always talk about?" He caught Harry saying, clearly in awe and curious.

"I am! You're the spitting image of your father, you know that? Just like him!" Sirius replied, in a voice Remus had never heard before, but made his heart flutter either way.

"I hear that a lot! As well as stories about you! Is it true that you and Dad climbed onto the roof of the cabins when you were 12?"

Remus led the boys through the field and away from the cabins until they came to the edge of the woods. There was a gap in the bushes, with a dirt path leading deeper through the trees, which they headed through. Only three or so minutes later, they came to a small clearing.

In the centre was a roaring fire, bright and golden. Surrounding it were circles of logs being used as seats. Some of the younger children huddled under blankets while a few of the older ones were playing cards, often with the councillors. Laughter and chatter filled the cold air, and all the tension from before slipped from Remus's shoulders.

There were a few spare 'seats', and Remus got the boys sat down, other than Sirius and Harry who were still approaching.

"Remus?" One of the boys, Ron, called from his place. He and Harry had taken a liking to one another, and it was clear with the worried glance the ginger boy sent his friend. "Does Harry know that man?"

"Sort of," Remus smiled, "Sirius, myself, Harry's dad James and Peter came to camp together as kids! However, Sirius left to travel when he was young, and has only just come back."  _ Not a total lie, was it? _ "Harry's never met him before, but he's heard all about him, and I'm sure they're excited to meet each other!"

Ron, content with that answer, gave a beam stretching from ear to ear, and turned back to talk to Seamus.

Remus looked from the children to beside him to see James and Peter walking over, chatting and snickering between them.

"'Lo, Moony!" James gave a toothy grin, "Kids settling in okay? Harry alright?"

"Harry's fine," Remus said, panic building in his chest.  _ Oh, by the way, your brother's no longer missing! Go say hi! _

"Where is he?"

"He's-"

But James had already noticed, looking over Remus's shoulder and catching sight of his son and a stranger - because that's who he was at this point - talking by a tree.

"Oh my god," Peter gasped, striding over to the pair as James stood, slackjawed. "Padfoot?!"

"Wormy!" Sirius grinned, ending his conversation with Harry and ruffling the kid's hair. Peter instantly tackled him into a warm hug, both swaying back and forth in the embrace. "Peter, mate! How are you!"

"Too long, Sirius," Peter laughed, a little scolding, pulling back. He kept his hands on Sirius's upper arms as though, just as Remus had, he expected Sirius to disappear again. "It's been too long."

"I know, man, I'm so so sorry." His voice was thick with pain and remorse, but he was pulled into another hug swiftly.

"But who cares about that! You're back! You're here! Harry, it's Sirius!" Peter grinned at his nephew, who Remus watched bound over to his father.

"Dad! Dad! Look! It's Sirius, the one you told me all about!"

To Remus's relief, no attention was being drawn to them, as everyone else carried on with their own activities. He did, however, catch McGonagall's eyes from over the fire, and she smiled warmly. 

Harry began to tug on his dad's arm, trying to pull him closer to Sirius, only for James to keep his feet planted firmly on the ground. His jaw was still dropped, eyes wide, and Remus couldn't tell what exactly he was thinking. Remus nudged him, but got no response.

"Dad?" Harry tried again, dropping his father's hand and looking defeated, hurt. The small boy had grown up hearing of the adventures of the pair of them, and now he watched his dad doing nothing?

"Come on, Prongslet," Remus tried to smile, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I think your dad and Sirius have a lot to talk about. Sit down with your friends for me, and I'm sure they'll come and talk to you tonight or tomorrow."

He did as he was told, and took a seat beside Ron, who, offering a sweet and a pat on the back, seemed to cheer him up instantly.

James still didn't move. Peter and Sirius continued to talk, and the relief and sheer happiness continued to bloom brighter and brighter on the shorter boys face. For a moment, Remus saw two eighteen-year-olds, in the middle of the boys' room in Cabin Eight, dancing to Queen without a care in the world. He saw the four of them by the lake, splashing in the water. He saw himself and Sirius sneaking out for fags when they were younger, not that he could stand the taste anymore. 

With Sirius in front of him, he thought that was all possible again.

With James's hands clenched into fists, he thought again.

James took long, slow strides until he was face to face with Sirius. Peter backed off, coming to stand by Remus, gnawing on his lip in worry.

His fists continued to tighten, his knuckles going white and nails digging into his palm. He now had his back to both Peter and Remus, who were nothing short of petrified of James's reaction.

The four of them all got along like a house on fire, but something about James and Sirius was different. They'd clicked from the second they met, and from the moment the pair met up on the first day of camp to the second they left, they were inseparable. 'Brothers in all but blood' they'd called one another, despite the fact that Sirius  _ had _ a brother whom he got along very well with.

Remus could, over James's broad shoulder, see Sirius. With wide eyes and tight lips, only Remus and Peter would likely be able to tell how terror-struck he really was.

James's arm twitched, and Peter tried to bolt back towards them, held back by Remus. 

Harry had turn back around, too - trying to talk to Ron but looking past him at his father.  _ He must be having a meltdown on the inside _ , Remus thought somberly.

But, just as Remus half expected James to strike him, his arms came up and pulled Sirius into a tight hug.

"Oh my god..." Remus could hear him mutter lightly, and Sirius's whole body seemed to relax against James's. He wrapped his arms around his brother, and they nestled their heads against each other's shoulders. "You're home."

"I am," Sirius grinned, talking lowly, "For good."

"You promise? Ten years, Padfoot. It killed me. Killed all of us." James quickly glanced over to Remus with a look that the shorter boy couldn't make out, and tried desperately to dismiss.

"Could I have your attention please?" Echoed around the clearing, and everyone (James and Sirius included) turned their attention. On the farthest side of the fire was a space free from logs, and McGonagall stood in the middle. Her clothes were hilariously unfitting for a summer camp, seeing as the rest of the staff were in burgundy polo-shirts, and she had more bundles of paper tight in her arms. "If our staff can sit on the back two rows, please, and the kids in front, that would be brilliant. Mhm, yes, go on," She encouraged with a smile as all of them took their seats. 

Remus ended up with Peter to his right and Sirius to his left (too close for his liking, but Sirius was  _ back _ . He wouldn't tell him to move away from him now). James sat on the other side of Sirius, and the two continued to talk with hushed voices. While McGonagall did send them both pointed looks, she said nothing. Peter was sat next to the blond kid from earlier that afternoon, who looked like he couldn't last a day out in a camp. Then again, with scrawny arms, messy hair and the scar on his lip, Remus probably looked the same.

"Now," McGonagall continued after a swift clap, "I first want to welcome you all to Hogwarts Camp for 2019. It's wonderful to see new and familiar faces amongst the kids and our staff this year, and I can already tell that this summer is going to go swimmingly. I'll start by explaining the order of the week and how the activities go. Your camp councillors, during the day, will run an activity of their choosing, which will change each day. You don't have to do the activity your specific counsellor is running, so feel free to go around, meet more people, and try out some new things! Please be aware that some activities will be age restricted, and your activity leader will tell you know of this before they start. Sunday's work a little differently, as it's a free day. There might be some odd crafts about, maybe some small activities, sports on the fields, but nothing too structured or taxing. In the reception, as well as in your cabins, a timetable is posted, and information sheet is posted. The timetabled 

"It's not changed, has it?" Peter whispered to Remus. For a moment, he wasn't sure if he was talking about the camp, or his two snickering friends beside him.

"Not at all," He smiled back, knowing the answer was the same either way.

"Right," McGonagall continued, "We'll go over camp rules, and then get some marshmallows toasted, alright?"

\---

"Boys!" Remus laughed as Dean chased Draco from the bathroom, toothpaste froth spilling from his mouth. "Calm down and finished doing your teeth, alright? Some of us would like to go to bed!"

Doing as they were told (Remus was lucky with this lot; he and his friends were never this well behaved at ten), five of them spat out into the sink, rinsed their mouths and headed out into the corridor. Remus felt a tug on his hand to see his nephew looking up at him. Harry was in his pyjamas, with a wash bag tucked under his arm and a little bit of toothpaste on the corner of his lip, yawning.

"Remy?"

"You alright, Prongslet?"

"Mhm," Harry smiled sleepily as they walked out of the bathroom, "I just wanted to talk about Padfoot."

"Oh?"

"He's cool!"

"He is, is he?" Remus smirked, knowing Harry wasn't at all wrong.

"Mhm! He's awesome! Sirius and Dad did so much cool stuff when they were little! He was telling me all about it when we were eating marshmallows!"

"That's nice, Harry. Maybe, once camp is over, you can spend some more time with him and ask him more about your dad when he was little?" Remus said, kicking himself when he saw how Harry's face lit up. What was the chance Sirius would be leaving again after camp?

"Really?!"

"Maybe. But focus on your own time at camp for now, alright?"

"Okay, Uncle Moony!"

They kept on down the corridor until they were just outside of the door. Just as Remus went to speak again, they heard a bang and a laugh from inside.

"Better make sure they're not breaking anything!" Remus chuckled with a shake of his head. He reached up to grab the door handle, just for hid arm to be tugged down again.

"Moony?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Are you happy that Sirius is back?"

"Of course I am, Prongslet," Remus smiled, a little confused. He was happy, wasn't he?

"It's just..." The little boy gnawed on his lip. "You looked sad. You looked the same as when Dad has a long shift at work, and Mum looks upset and cuddles him when he comes home."

"Your mum isn't upset, Harry," He grinned, ruffling the boy's hair, "She probably just misses him and is happy when he comes home! They love each other, so of course they miss one another."

"Ah, so you miss Sirius because you love him?"

"Come on," Remus pushed open the door to the room. "Get into bed, kiddo! It's a long day tomorrow!"

After dismissing the question, Remus waited in the room as the boys got under the covers. Once joined by Sirius, who'd been unpacking his stuff, they reminded the kids that they could hear them talking in the next room and that they'd benefit from going to straight to sleep, before leaving them to it. 

"It's good to be back," Sirius smiled, sliding into his bed once they'd made it back to the room and gotten changed.

"It is."

"What are you planning for tomorrow's activity? What exactly is it you're doing here, anyway?" He propped himself up with one arm, watching as Remus pulled his polo shirt off. Remus was torn. They'd changed in front of one another all the time as kids, so why would it change now? But after so long, with Remus's (old) feelings and Sirius's unbreaking gaze, he couldn't help but fidget.

"Oh, well I do Wildlife and Exploration, so I'll just be doing some orienteering. Gives anyone who's not been here before a chance to look around, and anyone who has been here might, I dunno, find somewhere new? Hopefully, it'll be good. What about you?"

"I'm on for the Arts, of course! Just some small acting thing tomorrow, I think. Ease them into it!" Sirius beamed as Remus slid under the covers. "Ha, do you remember when we found that weird little stone structure in our, what, seventh year? We were sixteen, I think."

"The Grotto? Yeah, I was on crutches at the time, and you carried me down into it." He snorted, looking over to Sirius in time to see his face reddening. 

"I- Well, I didn't want to leave you out, and-"

"Pads, I know! It was funny," Remus reassured. "I'm, uh, I'm gonna turn the lights out if that's okay? Kinda shattered." He wasn't. Not at all. He wouldn't sleep tonight, the shock of Sirius's return was still too fresh in his mind, his body shaking slightly with the confusion and frustration.

"Fine with me, mate."

"Ah, okay, then." Remus reached up and flicked the light switch just by his bed, and suddenly the room was dark enough for Remus to not be able to see Sirius only three feet away. "Goodnight," He muttered, feeling odd saying those words to his childhood friend again.

"Night, Rem," Sirius murmured sleepily. 

Remus, thinking of four young boys and their days at camp, closed his eyes.

\---

"Psst- Moony!" Sirius whispered, and Remus groggily opened his eyes, forgetting how dark the room was. "You awake?"

"...Yes, Sirius, I am. It's been, what, five minutes?"

"I know," Sirius sounded clearly amused, and Remus couldn't help but smile to himself. "I just- well, I don't know. I guess it feels like camp again? I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Siri. We'll talk more tomorrow, yeah? About- about everything?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Moony."

"Goodnight, Padfoot."


	4. Anagapesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus tries to find answers, Peter seems to know too much, and it seems as though James and Sirius are no longer the resident trouble makers.
> 
> Anagapesis  
> [noun]  
> ana-ga-PE-sis
> 
> falling out of love; the feeling of not loving someone or something once loved.s

Remus woke, bleary-eyed, stretching and yawning as he sat up. In his post-sleep daze, he dug around under his pillow, grabbing his phone and turning off the alarm.

7:30 am. 

Not too early, really. Remus was often up at 6 am to prepare for his 9 am lectures, but something about the warm summer sun beaming down on him from the window made him feel more weary than usual. Maybe he didn't need to be up  _ that _ early, but at least it gave him half an hour to screw his head on straight before trying to get the boys up. He rolled his shoulders and swung his legs off of the mattress, still not awake enough to try standing up yet, until he looked over to the other bed.

He expected to see Sirius.

Someone had slept in the bed, as there was a thrown back duvet, messily bundled up at the foot of the bed. The pillow had imprints from where someone had been laying, and recently, too. But no one was to be seen. Remus lept from the bed, stumbling a little as his muscles hadn't quite woken up, and he darted to it. No phone, no note, nothing.

His heart sunk. Had he imagined it? Sirius hadn't come back, had he? Remus just wanted it bad enough that he dreamt it. 

Still, clinging onto the last remaining threads of hope, he threw on his shorts and camp shirt and bolted from the room. Popping his head around into the shared bathroom, he saw no one. All the stalls were open, no showers were running, and there was no one by the sinks. Just in case, he checked back in their room. Nothing.

He peeped into the boys' room, again, to be sure. He was met with four snoring kids, and then Ron and Draco whispering to one another across the room. Remus gave them a wave and a sleepy smile before stepping out of the room again.

Sirius was nowhere.

He wouldn't have gone to James's room, would he?

As Remus got to the door, all he heard were two lots of snoring - snoring he'd become very accustomed to in his childhood, and on occasion, in his older years - and knew Sirius wasn't there.

Not giving up until he checked all options before resigning his faith and knowing he'd dreamt it all, he left the cabin.

Despite the anxiety coursing through his body, the chill morning air against his legs and face, and the quiet blowing of the wind and chirping of birds was calming enough. He looked left, to see the row of cabins continuing, before reaching the end of the field and start of the woods. Ahead of him was the Undercrouch Hall - most of the lights were off, other than the ones that Remus knew were for the kitchens. Then, he looked to his right, and sighed with relief. 

To the right was the river, as pellucid and as still as anything. It ran past the hall, beside the first cabin and into the woods, and led straight to the ocean, if Remus remembered rightly. On the sandy river bank was a figure, a little hidden by some of the trees on the edge of the woods, sat down and leaning back on one arm.

Dark hair shone in the morning light, and a small trail of smoke came out from in front of them.

It was strange to see, Remus realised. It was a sight he hadn't seen since the last morning of camp, which had gone rather like this. Waking up, thinking Sirius was gone, only to find him smoking on the bank.  _ Co-Dependency issues _ , Remus snorted to himself, walking towards the river.

The grass tickled the bottom of his feet as he walked over, before he moved onto the sand, finding the small grains getting stuck between his toes. He thought for a moment that he should have put shoes on, but something about the sand and the grass and the pebbles seemed to ground him. Sirius heard, quickly turning his head around and trying to hide his cigarette, before relaxing when he saw who it was.

"Morning, Moony," He grinned, the same grin from years ago, as though nothing changed.

"Morning, Pads. Why are you out here?"

"Craving one," Sirius laughed, taking another drag before stubbing it out on the sand and dropping the filter into (what he guessed was) an empty packet. He shoved the box into the pocket of his leather jacket. 

"You still have this thing?" Remus laughed, lightly flicking at the collar of the jacket. "How are you wearing that, anyway? It's like, twenty degrees!" It was well worn and soft, a faded black and covered in patches from over the years. Remus still remembered when he'd bought the jacket at a second-hand shop by his house. He'd saved up for months to buy it and then shipped it off to Sirius for his fifteenth birthday, along with different badges he'd gotten from all over the place. Seeing Sirius turn up to camp the next summer in the jacket with longer hair than before had done things to Remus, and he wondered how he'd never realised how hot Sirius was before that moment. Here he was, years on, and Sirius was just as good looking, perhaps even more so, still in  _ that damn jacket _ .

"It's not that warm today," Sirius smiled, "Palermo? Now,  _ that _ was warm. Cigarette?" He held a new box out, one that Remus hadn't seen him dig from his coat.

"No, thanks," Remus shook his head. "I don't smoke."

"Since when?"

"I quit maybe six years ago now? Harry was four, and he got the packet from the kitchen counter at my place, and I panicked. Threw them away and never touched one after that."

"Six years?" He asked, wide-eyed and sucking in a strained breath, "Man, I really have been gone a while, then. What else have I missed?" He put the packet back into his pocket, not taking one out for himself.

"Well," Remus chuckled, not really amused. "Depends on what you want to know."

"Anything. Everything."

"That'll take a while."

Sirius's shoulders sunk, and his eyes darkened for a moment before he plastered on a smile.

"Well, come on, then! Tell me about everything. Jobs, kids, parents, all that!"

"Peter's working as a Geologist," Remus started with a grin. He wouldn't say too much, of course - Peter could talk about his job all day. "He travels a little for research, but he likes to stay at home, mostly. He doesn't live too far from James, really, so he helps out with Harry when he can."

"Wormy finished Uni then?"

"He did! Worked his arse off, but he did it. Top of his class, too."

"That's amazing... what about Jamie? What's he doing now?"

"Oh, James is part of the fire services," Remus said, running his fingers through the grains of sand. 

"But he wanted to do policing, didn't he?"

"He did, for a little," Explained Remus, "But with, you know, the state of things...." He shrugged. "James wasn't going to stand for that. So he quit and changed it up. I mean, he gets better hours to spend more time with the sprog, so yeah."

Sirius muttered, "Damn. But, at least he's happy where he is, yeah?"

"Most of the time."

"Huh?" Sirius turned his head to the side curiously.

Remus's heart ached a little as he remembered. "There was an... an incident, a few years back; a house fire. Mum and son, the same age as Harry, got trapped inside. He- he couldn't get them out in time. The father came back to a dead wife and kid..."

"Shit. Oh, shit."

"Oh shit indeed," Remus tried to laugh to break up some of the tension. "James really, really struggled for a bit because of it. Obviously. I mean, he still does, sometimes, but Harry's totally in awe of him, and I think that's what keeps him going. He does everything for that kid."

"I got that impression yesterday. Harry's face lit up when he mentioned his dad!"

"Yeah," Remus smiled, thinking of his nephew. "He does that."

The conversation settled for a moment before Sirius shuffled to face Remus better.

"And what about you?"

"Hm?"

"What are you doing now?"

"Oh, well," Remus started, somewhat flustered. He hadn't done the 'so what do you do for a living talk' since he tried dating. There were a few dates, some second and third ones, but it was hard to find other people when you were still in love with someone from your childhood. "I'm a lecturer, actually, at university."

"Oh, that's amazing. Always what you wanted to do, wasn't it?"

"Mhm! It's just cool to be teaching people as passionate about Classical and Social Studies. I mean, there's a little more focus on getting people into the media side of things now, but I wouldn't change it for the world."

"That's good."

"Mhm." He paused. "So, what about you? Why - uh, why did you, I mean, what-"

"Why did I disappear for a while?" Sirius asked with a brief chuckle.

"Yeah."

Sirius dipped his head and leant further back on his hand. "Well," He breathed out in a huff, shaking his head and smiling, "It's a bit of a long-winded story, but basically, I'd just made it to Italy for the second time around. I was backpacking. Had done Europe, did Japan, did Australia, and then decided to go back to Europe for a second time. All I had was my pack, and enough change to, uh, to call you, really. Anyway, so I was staying in this run-down hostel in Florence, and one day, I get back to the hostel, and they tell me that someone's called me! I thought 'Hey, amazing! That's Remy calling!' even though I had no clue how you knew where I was, and I was so excited to speak to you, and then when I called the number back, it was-"

_ "I'm going to kill them!" _

The high pitch screech came from the cabin, and Remus lept to his feet faster than he was thinking. He sprinted towards the building, stumbling a few times, Sirius hot on his tail. He threw open the door to the cabin, then the boys' room, to see all the boys out of bed, still in their nightclothes, surrounding a distressed-looking Ron.

With pink hair.

"Those... Those-!" He fumed, face all scrunched up and frustrated, fists balled up tight so his sides. Harry was next to him, along with the rest of the boys, trying not to burst out laughing.

The pained squeak the came from behind Remus told him that Sirius was very much doing the same.

"Ron," Remus smiled awkwardly, bending over a little to come face to face with him (not that it took much). "What happened?"

He, in the meantime, tried to run his fingers through the young boy's hair to figure out  _ why  _ it was the strange orangy-pink colour it was. It wasn't sticky or anything of that nature, and just looked as though it was (very badly) dyed.

"My brothers is what happened," Ron grumbled, and Harry gave a little snicker.

"They have a habit of playing pranks, Rem!" His nephew explained, and Ron's face seemed to redden further.

"Right... okay, boys." Remus shook his head. "Sirius is going to stay here while I take Ron to McGonagall, alright? You'll go to breakfast at the normal time, so you might wanna get a shift on and get dressed. I'll hopefully see you all there, but if not, I'll see you during the day." He began to lead a still-annoyed Ron from the room, still in his pyjamas, before whispering to Sirius. "We'll, uh, we'll talk later, I guess?"

Sirius gave a tense nod, and a smile that Remus knew wasn't to full effect.

___

"Wait, wait, wait," James laughed, shovelling a forkful of jacket potato and baked beans into his mouth, "So  _ that's  _ why he has pink hair?!"

"I spent the whole morning when he was doing fire lighting with me wondering why he looked like he fell out of a cotton candy machine!" Peter chipped in, sipping his drink.

"Uh-huh," Remus nodded, trying not to laugh but glancing over to Ron on one of the other cafeteria tables, sat with Harry and a girl their age who he'd yet to meet. "According to McGonagall, he has older twin brothers who've gotten a similar reputation to you two when we were here," He gestured to Sirius and James, who smirked at one another. "Pranksters, it seems. They snuck into the cabin somehow in the middle of the night, and put some coloured hair wax or something in his hair? It dries, and it just leaves the colour. It'll fade in a day or two, or he can wash it out, so no major harm done."

"Well, that's good!" Peter smiled but looking a little tense. "The other boys were okay with it? No, uh, no teasing?"

"None, thankfully!" Sirius beamed, "I mean, they laughed, sure. But I had Dean on my activity this morning, and it seemed like Ron had been laughing  _ with  _ them at breakfast. No bullying or anything."

"Thank god. I remember when you guys dyed my hair blue that time when we were, what, fourteen?"

"Yeah, well, Snivillus doesn't matter. You lot heard from him over the last few years anyway?"

Remus tried to keep focused on his food, but James snorted. "Nah. I mean, he tried to contact Lily a couple of times and whatever, but nothing major."

"Thank fuck for that!" Sirius smiled, nudging his brother from across the table.

The conversation continued as normal, and Remus continued to eat, smiling at his friends talking. 

He wasn't used to Sirius being back, really. Part of him wondered if it was a little pathetic - he only saw Sirius for a total of 240 days when they were kids, but he'd become such a big part of his life in that time, that it had taken a while to adjust when he left. Now that he'd come back, Remus seemed to be struggling once more. 

But despite Remus struggling to readjust, Peter and James had no qualms, and Sirius had settled back in perfectly. They were laughing and joking once again, snickering and insulting as if there hadn't been a ten-year gap at all. James told Sirius stories of Harry, of his job, and of Peter and Remus. Peter caught him up on inside jokes, family drama, and anything else important he'd missed. In only a day, harmony seemed to be restored to their perfect little group. 

And with it, Remus's feelings. 

He'd hoped that after a decade, his stomach wouldn't be doing flips, or his palms wouldn't go clammy, or his face go red. But time had done nothing - while his friends had returned to their 13-year-old boisterous selves, Remus had returned to  _ his  _ 13-year-old  _ lovestruck  _ self.

He had to squash those feelings back down. Far, far down, just as he'd tried the past few years.

"Right!" Remus said, clearing his throat and pushing his chair back as he stood. The legs made a horrible squeaking sound on the floor, but thankfully, all the children and staff were too caught up in conversations to care. "I'm going to head off and make sure nothing on the orienteering trail is hidden or anything before this afternoon."

"Okay, Moony!" Sirius said with a smile that made Remus's knees a little weak, "We'll see you at dinner then, yeah?"

___

The afternoon passed smoothly, as well as dinner, and it was soon time for the weeks first evening activity.

"Okay, then!" Peter grinned with a clap. "This evening, we're just going to be doing a few little games and icebreakers with everyone in the cabin so that you can get to know each other a little better."

While the boys and girls from the other side of the cabin had met briefly on the first afternoon, the Monday evening was the first chance they'd have to talk more to one another. The scheduled activity was 'cabin games', which gave the four councillors free rein to plan. The kids (twelve in total) were jittery with excitement, standing up in a circle when Peter asked them to. 

The first game was simple and just involved them chucking a ball around and saying the name of the person they were throwing to (which helped Remus a lot. He'd always been useless at remembering names, and the wink that Sirius sent his way showed that he'd remembered that fact too).

Remus was feeling far more comfortable with the names and other children by the time they moved onto the second game. James started them off with a word, and the next person in the circle would follow on with something that the previous word reminded them off. 'Camp' was the first word by Jamie, then 'summer' was followed by the little girl who'd been with Harry and Ron at lunch and dinner, who Remus now knew was called Hermione. After going around the circle two more times, Remus wasn't sure how the topic had turned from 'camp' to 'the moon'.

"Remember when we did this in our second year?" Sirius smirked at Remus, talking lowly as to not disturb the game.

"What, and you and James turned everything dirty? Yes, Pads, I do!"

"Yeah, but it was fun right?"

"Of course," Remus smiled, "Everything with you guys was fun."

Sirius was to run the third game, and got all the kids to huddle around.

"So, for this one, you'll need to get yourselves into age order, from the youngest to the oldest."

"But that's easy?" A small, blonde girl Remus recalled as Lavender puzzled.

"Well, yes, it is. But the catch is, you aren't allowed to talk! So go on, off you go, try and get in order. And I don't want to hear a peep," He grinned, stepping back to stand with Remus, Peter and James once more. 

Remus giggled as he watched the group of children flounder about, mouthing and trying to whisper to one another, just to get a gentle reminder about silence from Sirius. After a couple of minutes, Remus noticed Neville begin to jump up and down and flail his arms around. Once he'd gotten the attention from the rest of the group, he began to move his hands in strange positions that Remus realised was sign language, not that he knew any of it.

"Good idea, Neville!" Sirius grinned, doing similar actions to the young boy. He was talking a little slower than normal, and making the signing clearer for people to see. "But that would depend on how many people know sign language. Does anyone else know sign language?" Sirius continued to sign as well as speak out loud.

"Since when did Sirius know BSL?" Peter asked Remus and James with a tilt of his head.

"Not a clue, man. He didn't know when we were little, as far as I know."

"Something he learnt when travelling?" Remus offered.

"Maybe."

The rest of the group shook their heads, before Harry turned to Neville in awe.

"That's so awesome! Can you teach us sign? How do you know sign language!?" He beamed, excitedly grabbing the boy's shoulders and shaking him eagerly.

"Give him a moment, Harry," Sirius laughed. "If Neville wants to explain, then we can put a hold on the game for a moment!" Remus noticed that Sirius was signing every word, and Neville seemed more focused on his hands than his voice - even if it was hard to tell.

"Well, I'm something called CODA," He smiled, settling down on the grass, and everyone else followed. Everyone kept their eyes on Neville, and Remus loved seeing how genuinely interested all the young children seemed.

"What's CODA?" Pansy, a dark-haired girl, asked.

"It stands for 'children of deaf adults'. My mum and dad are both Deaf, but I'm hearing. I learnt sign language so I can talk to them! They were Deaf when they were born."

"Was it hard to learn?"

"Not really," Neville explained. "I grew up with it, so I guess it was easier for me. Mr Sirius?" He then asked, looking over to Sirius, who was lounging back on the grass. "How do you know sign language?"

"Just Sirius, kid. And well," Sirius chuckled, "I have a little brother, who's only a year younger than me. A few years back, he suffered something called Mixed hearing loss, which means his hearing was both Conductive and Sensorineural. Basically, some of his hearing could be fixed, and some of it couldn't. So while his hearing wasn't that good, we both learnt sign language so we could talk to one another."

"Can he hear now?" Harry questioned.

"Mostly, yes! We tend to sign out of habit though, sometimes, with a type of signing called Sign Supported English, where you sign every single word, and you can speak at the same time. Normal sign language works in phrases a little and doesn't follow the same pattern that spoken or written English does."

_ Talk to his brother? _ Did that mean Sirius had been back in England over the last few years?

The rest of the group looked more and more impressed with every word, and Remus was sure he wore a similar expression. 

"That's amazing!" Ron beamed at Sirius, his still-pink hair flopping about a little over his eyes, "Can you teach us?!"

"If people are interested, I don't see why that would be an issue. I could run a couple of sessions. I'd love if you could help me though, Neville? You're more accustomed to it because my brother was never entirely deaf, and we never grew up with it."

"You want me to help?" Neville asked a little nervously, shuffling about on the grass. "The other kids at school think it's weird, and no one's ever interested in learning it."

"Weird?" Harry butted in, "Why do they think it's weird? You speak another language with your hands! That's epic! Please teach us! We can talk to each other without Sirius and Remus hearing when we're in the cabin!" He snickered, sticking his tongue out at Moony, he did the same back with the roll of his eyes.

"Take's after his father," Peter smiled, nudging Remus.

"Yeah, but James wouldn't have been so active over it. That eagerness and kindness? All Lily."

"That's true. Harry seems to be okay with Sirius suddenly turning up. I can imagine it's weird when they can't spend too much time together. You know, can't be looking like you're favouriting the other kids."

"He seems alright," Remus continued as the others kept talking about learning Sign Language. James had joined them, sitting by the blond boy at the back in a hope to include him in the conversation a bit more. "We chatted to the boys last night, and Harry told them that he knew us four, and they honestly didn't care. Shrugged it off and asked for more marshmallows with their hot chocolate! I'll check up on Harry if I'm worried about him, but you know what he's like." He laughed.

"Dad's humour and determination, mum's love and stubbornness?"

"Exactly. And he's got his Uncles Wormy and Moony too. He'll be fine," Remus finished with a smile.

"And Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"And Sirius?" Peter echoed, "You think he'll be fine?"

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"Don't make me out to be an idiot, Rem," He laughed, with a little bite to it. "I've known you since we were eleven, and shared a room with you and Sirius since we were thirteen. You and Sirius were different. It killed you - both of you - when he left. You were both crying and clinging onto one another that last day of camp. Are you both really going to be okay working together so closely after so long?"

"Of course we are, Wormtail!" Remus smiled, too much teeth and eyes too dark, looking over to where Sirius was slowly signing the alphabet, and the young boys were copying along. "Now come on, we should join in."

Remus was sure he saw Peter roll his eyes.


	5. Extemporise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grass makes a strange instrument, Sirius has his secrets, and Remus wonders if he'll ever be okay.
> 
> Extemporise  
> [verb]  
> /ɪkˈstɛmpərʌɪz,ɛkˈstɛmpərʌɪz/
> 
> To do something, particularly to perform or speak, without prior planning or thought; to act in an impromptu manner; to improvise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy! love and health to every single one of you <3

"So what you do," Remus began to explain, "Is put the blade of grass between the knuckle and base of your thumb. Pull it nice and taut, and press your lips to the gap, like this." Remus did just that and blew. A strange, high pitched sound echoed a little in the clearing. He looked up to watch as the small group around him tried, and most of them managed to do it.

"What the heck, Fred?!" A ginger pre-teen grumbled, dropping the blade of grass he was holding and plucking another. "How can you do it and I can't!"

"It takes a little practice sometimes," Remus reminded the boy, George, with a smile. "I'm sure you weren't always as good at sneaking into cabins as you are now, hm?"

George flushed a little, before breaking into a bright smirk. "We got caught in the first year. McGonagall wasn't too happy."

"I can imagine!"

He played the 'grass trumpet' a few more times and aided some other children - a lot of whom he hadn't met yet - as it came to the end of their afternoon projects. Remus's activity, building bug houses, had finished a little quickly as he worked with the older kids, and they'd taken to lounging around on the field before dinner.

"Are you all looking forward to this evening?" Remus asked, picking at the piece of grass and pulling it apart a little. 

"I am!" A young, black girl who sat with her arm linked with Fred chirped, "Unless these two decide to hide my suncream again!"

"It was an innocent prank, Angelina!" George giggled, "But I promise we won't hide it this time!"

"I'm not looking forward to it," A boy behind them grumbled, who was at least fifteen and Remus hadn't caught the name of. "The sand gets everywhere. It's itchy, and I'll be taking half the bloody beach home with me."

"Well, you can always stay here?" Remus suggested, "I know what a couple of the fourth year councillors are staying behind, as well as everyone from reception?"

"Yeah, but all my friends are going, so I might as well join them."

"I for one," A voice from behind Remus said, "Am incredibly excited to go to the beach." Remus leant back on his hands and looked up to see Sirius staring down at him with a bright smile. "Hello, Moony!"

"Padfoot," Remus smiled small. "Alright, you lot!" He spoke to the kids again, "If this one's done with activities, that means it must be dinner time."

The group lept up without another word and began to run across the field, bounding and stumbling and laughing as they headed to the Hall. 

"Jesus!" Sirius laughed, "You wouldn't think they had lunch only four hours ago!"

"They were eating biscuits and sweets and who knows what else the whole time too! Building bug houses must have taken it out of them."

"Bug houses, hm?"

"Yeah. The kids did a good job," Remus gestured to the various wooden 'boxes' covered in leaves and mud around the edge of the woods and against the trees. "Honestly, I was worried that it would be a bit... I don't know, young? For them? But they seemed to enjoy it, and we spent the last half an hour just chatting!" He beamed. It had been a wonderful second day, and every single one of the kids had been amazing. "Ah, enough about me!" Remus flushed, realising he'd rambled a little, and began to stand up, "What about your activity? How'd it go?"

"Don't worry, Moony! I could hear you talking like that all day," He grinned, unaware of how the smile and the compliment made Remus's heart swoop. "It went well! I started those Sign Language ones! I talked to Minnie about it, made sure it was okay and fit with my speciality, and she thought it was a great idea. It was a lot of lads from our cabin, including the little Malfoy kid. He's not that knobheads son, is he?"

"I'm afraid so," Remus said as they began to walk to the house. "But he seems perfectly okay to me. Quiet, I won't lie."

"Sheltered?"

"You know what his father was like, even if we only knew him for two years. Wouldn't shock me if he's a bit of a helicopter parent," Remus laughed sadly. It was no life for such a young boy. Or anyone, really.

"I agree. Come on, let's go and get some food."

They headed to the Hall, arms brushing against one another as they walked through the field, past the cabins, and into the side entrance. They knew the layout of the building like the back of their hands; turning right, heading down the corridor, left at the big double doors and joining the line for the cafeteria. The pair stayed pretty much in silence as the queue went down, collecting their food (fish fingers and chips) and joining their other friends at a table in the far corner.

"Harry came up to the table a moment ago," James grinned around the rim of his mug once Remus and Sirius were settled down. "Along with Ron and Hermione."

"Oh?"

"They were very excitedly showing off their new sign language skills," He said to Sirius, who's smile grew wider.

"Did they really?"

"Mhm!" Peter agreed, "Harry said it was nice to spend time with you. He thinks you're bloody amazing, you know?"

"I love spending time with him," Sirius answered honestly, cheeks a little pink. "He really takes after you. I... I missed out on so much of his childhood, that I just hope I can be apart of it now."

"Of course you can be, Siri!"

"You're staying then?" Remus asked a little tentatively and adding, "For good?"

"That's the plan. There's a college in the East Midlands that have a few film and media courses, and some uni-level ones for acting, so I might see if they have any job openings. It'll be a bit of a mess and all that, seeing as I'm in Brighton at the moment, but I think it'll be worth it. I'm not going anywhere, Moony." He promised, rubbing a thumb on the back of his hand fleetingly, before picking up his fork again.

"East Midlands? That's where I am at the moment," Remus said, happy that there'd be a chance they were close.

"Oh, that's brill! We'll be right by one another then!" 

They looked at one another, smiling, before Peter cleared his throat.

"So, Pads! Where've you been for the last ten years?" He asked unabashedly with a bright grin, and James whacked him on the arm.

"Pete!"

"What?! You were the one who said we should just come out and ask him!"

"Not like that, you dumbarse! More polite than that!"

"What was I meant to do?  _ Oh, Sirius, I _ -"

"Guys!" Sirius stopped, halting the bickering, which Remus was very grateful for. "I'll tell you! Rem asked yesterday, but we got interrupted." 

"Okay. Go on."

"So," Sirius sighed. "I was backpacking, alright? Well, I was for three years, like I'd planned. I... I know I didn't keep in contact enough, but I was moving from place to place, and I'm-"

"It's fine," James assured, "It's okay, we understand."

"I still feel crap about it. But anyway, as I told Moony, I was in the run-down little motel in Florence. Gorgeous city. I came back to the hostel-motel-accommodation thingy in the evening, and the lady at the front said someone had called me. I thought it was Remus. I hoped it was Remus," He admitted, looking at James and Peter and the ceiling and anywhere but Remus himself. "Well, it wasn't."

"Who was it?"

"My brother."

"Reg?" James questioned, "Cute little boy, came for a year and decided the outdoors wasn't for him?"

"That's the one," Sirius chuckled. "Regulus fell ill, apparently, and asked if I could come home. So I did." He looked down to his plate, pushing the last few chips around aimlessly. "He had a load of tests done, and it... it was cancer."

"Oh, shit."

"He was still at the family home, and obviously mother dearest was there," Sirius snarled, a distaste in his voice. Remus still remembered the stories he heard of his parents when they were younger, and it made him sick to the stomach. "She- she found a drug trial that Regulus was recommended for, but for some reason, the waiting list was hard to even get on to, let alone get accepted. Well, not for her. You know, influential family and all that. It was basically blackmail," He shrugged.

"What do you mean, 'blackmail', Pads?" Remus asked, chewing in his lip and watching Sirius intently. 

"She'd get Regulus into this drug trial if I stayed at home and took on the family business."

James slammed his hands onto the table, shocking a few other people around, but he didn't seem to care. A fire raged behind his eyes that was similar to the one burning in the pit of Remus's stomach. "So, what, she bargained her own son's life just to have you home?! What kinda fucked up person does that!"

"My mother, apparently," Sirius laughed, but it wasn't exactly funny. "Well, I didn't know what else I could do, so I stayed. Got rid of anything she could use against me because I knew I had to seem like the perfect son, just so she kept Regulus on that trial. I love that kid to bits. I'd do anything for him."

"D-did it work?" Remus asked anxiously, scared for the answer. "The treatment, I mean?"

"Yeah," Sirius beamed, relaxing, "It did. He was in and out of Remission for years, literally years, and it was hard. He was weak and sick and suffered some horrible side effects from the meds-"

"The deafness..." Peter interrupted with a whisper.

"Yeah, like the hearing loss. But, Regulus got the all-clear at the beginning of this year, and we've spent the last few months moving out. Behind  _ her  _ back, of course. Got the money together, packed up, and upped and left in the middle of the night before she could blackmail us more. Found a cosy little apartment in Brighton, I get to live with my little brother, and for now, all is well." Sirius sighed with relief, like a weight lifted from his shoulders. "He's the one who encouraged me to come here, you know? Said that while I wasn't working, I should find you guys and... reconcile? Called the camp, spoke to Minnie, and she told me you guys had applied."

"And you, uh, didn't think to, I don't know,  _ ask for our numbers _ ?" James asked, half laughing, half glaring.

"Prongs, it's me. I'm one for the dramatics! I wasn't gonna call! I had to make a dramatic entrance! I, well, I just forgot that your kid would have been there and I might not have seen you all at once. As it turns out, I'm not the only one a bit dramatic," He said, winking at Remus, who felt his face flush.

"I-, well, I-"

"What did he do?" Peter questioned.

"Pushed me against the wall, shouted a bit, swore a lot!" Sirius laughed, nudging a flustered Moony in the side smugly.

"Well!" Remus shouted, trying to steer the conversation away from  _ why  _ he'd been so angry, "I think we should head back to the cabins for a moment and make sure everyone has their stuff for the beach, yeah? I think that sounds good!" He pushed up out of his seat and began stacking the plates.

"Subtle, Moony," Peter whispered from across the table, rolling his eyes. "Very fucking subtle."

___

"Prongslet!" Peter called over to Harry and his friends, throwing a ball as the young boy turned around. Everyone began to pile onto the beach, staying in the marked out section so no one could wander too far. Remus made his way to the back of the beach, followed by his nephew, his friends and Sirius. James and Peter stayed closer to the shore, dumping down some bags and chucking bats and balls and inflatables for the children.

"Volleyball?!" He yelled, throwing the ball back to his uncle. 

"If you want to! I'll set up the net if you can round up a team! I'll drag your dad into it too."

"All good with me," James said, taking a sip of his drink and throwing it on the golden sand. 

"Uncle Moony? Sirius?"

"Not today, Kiddo," Remus smiled, ruffling the boy's hair before laying the blanket out. "I'm not much good at volleyball, so I'll sit this one out. I'll watch though!"

"Too short, I'm guessing!" Sirius stage whispered behind his hand, earning a laugh from Harry and half-hearted glare from Remus. "I'm going to sit with Rem for now, love. I might join in later, if I'm feeling up to it. I'll try and drag this one into it, too," He winked, nudging Remus's lower legs.

Harry, content with their answers, sauntered back off to Peter and James, rounding up a few people to play on the way. On Harry's team ended up being Hermione, Ron, Angelina, George and a short pink-haired girl Remus was unfamiliar with, but looked around 17 or 18. James and Peter ended up with Fred, Lavender, Hannah, and a boy called Lee. More kids gathered around, waiting to swap in and play for themselves as James began to explain the rules.

Remus dropped down onto the blanket next to Sirius with an  _ oomph _ , stretching his legs out and watching the game begin. James's height and Peter's lack thereof seemed to balance out, and they didn't have much of an advantage to the kids. 

"Okay, then!" Sirius said with a smile, shuffling so that he was sat facing Remus, "We have some time to ourselves!"

"Yes..?" Remus replied, suspicious, "As we do every night?"

"Yes, but we're on the beach, so its the perfect time to-"

_ Declare your undying love for me? Yeah, not likely. _

"-Catch me up on everything! Like, all the things you didn't get to say yesterday! Like... Lily! I've never met Lily! What's she like?"

"Lily," Remus grinned, remembering one of his best friends, "Is perfect. Her and I get along great. It's not often I get to see James and Peter because of the school year, but when I do go down to see them, Lily and I will always try and go for a day out with just the two of us. Well, it'll be three when I next go, no doubt."

"Three?"

"They're expecting a second. So when Lil Potter kid number two comes along, I'll be back to Pram Duty again no doubt!" He laughed, fondly remembering when he was pushing a barely crawling Harry around the Cambridge City Centre. "They're brill parents. Kind, patient, accepting, honestly everything a kid needs. Harry gets his stubbornness from his mum for sure."

"His dad's humour, his mother's insistence? Damn, he's gonna be a handful in school!"

"Oh, for sure! But he's smart. And determined. If he's stuck on a homework question, he doesn't bother going to his mum or dad. Nope, he steals Jamie's phone and calls me!"

"Oh wow," Sirius snickered, "I mean, I'd do the same if I were him! Oh, and what about Peter's missus? Mary, was it?"

"Yeah, that's her. Mary's also perfect. Peter found a real good one in her. See's Wormy as nothing but who he is, is as patient as anything when he's having a rough day, and is so, so accepting and loving. Her, Lily and I are forever having little facetime sessions, having glasses of wine when we can't all meet up, gossiping and all that."

"That sounds really nice. I'm happy for Peter, you know? Really happy. I don't really know how to bring it up without seeming... weird, I guess? I don't know. But he just seems happier. More himself." Sirius smiled, pulling on a loose thread on his shorts.

"I think he'll be okay with you just coming out and saying it, you know? You're not some stranger," Remus smiled through gritted teeth, "I'm not gonna say much because, well, that's his business to tell, but he started T in... 2011? 2012? Something like that. Anyway, he started that, met Mary in 2013, married in 2016, and now they're looking at adopting and he's just so much more  _ him _ , you get me?"

"Yeah, I totally get that. It's nice to see, Pete so happy and loved. He deserves it."

"We all do."

Remus watched as George smacked the ball hard, hitting James square in the face. He seemed okay, overexaggerating his pain to entertain the kids, and Harry was practically keeling over in laughter. 

"And you?" Sirius asked, an eyebrow raised. 

"Huh?"

"What about your missus? Girlfriend? What's she like?"

Remus couldn't help the small snort he made, before bursting out into laughter, shoulders shaking as the confusion on Sirius's face grew and grew. "I-I, uh, yeah, no."

"No?" Sirius puzzled with the tilt of his head, furrowed brows. "I mean, you're smart, good looking, as kind as anything. You can't be telling me that no-one's snatched you up yet?"

"Ah, Sirius," Remus snickered, feeling a little more sympathetic at his friend's confusion. "It's not that. Well, I hope not, anyway. The thing is..."

Remus had just turned nineteen and had moved back to Nottinghamshire when he told James and Peter. He's been away in Swansea for a year, at university for his Masters, and headed down to visit Peter in Milton Keynes the summer before the new school term. James came down to see them, a few months old Harry and very exhausted Lily (whom he'd yet to meet) in tow, and they spent a few weeks together. On the second to last night, as Remus was packing up, Lily slipped into his room, baby-free, and settled on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry we've not had much time to talk the past few weeks, Rem," She smiled, gesturing for him to sit down beside her. "Harry's taking up all my time at the moment."

"That's okay, Lily, I can't imagine what it's like. I'm only two hours from you guys now though, and an hour from Peter, so as long as I can keep up with work, I'll be there a little more often now."

"Tell me if I'm being out of line, but it'll be good for you, I think. James said he thinks you were using Uni as a distraction. You know, with Sirius off travelling now. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you."

"I think I have been using it an excuse, but," Remus smiled sadly, "It's difficult on all of us. I know I'm not alone."

"Of course not!" She defended, seemingly panicked, "It's just, well, that's your boyfriend! And he's gone and-"

"Woah, woah, woah. Sirius Black is not my boyfriend."

"He's not?"

"Not at all."

"You talk about him a lot," Lily pointed out, "And you get this... look whenever he's mentioned. James never said that you were gay, but I presumed you were out and just fine with it all, but if you're not gay, then I must have-"

"No, no, I'm gay. Not out. Never a good time, I guess. Well, wasn't," Remus shrugged, gesturing between himself and Lily. "Sirius and I are just friends, though. I miss him in the same way that James and Peter do. He said he might be coming home this Christmas though, which'll be nice."

"You can all come to ours if you'd like. All six of us." She grinned, ruffling Remus's hair. "I'm, uh, sorry. For confronting you, and assuming. And all that."

"It's fine, it was about time anyway."

Remus had no issues coming out to James and Peter that evening while they were eating pizza. James accepted Peter easily enough, and he'd do the same for Remus. A few mandatory gay jokes later, and they settled back to watch a movie, Harry being passed about between his father and uncles, and nothing much really seemed to change.

"I'm gay," Remus finished with a shrug to Sirius, picking up his water bottle and taking a sip. "I'm sorry that I never told you sooner. I only told Peter and James when I was nineteen and Harry was barely older than newborn. I- I hope you're okay with it. I mean, I know it's not the same as Peter, but..."

He looked up to see Sirius slackjawed, red in the face, and his eyes wide.  _ He must be annoyed it took me so long to tell him, _ Remus decided in his mind, before Sirius cleared his throat.

"Ah, no- no, it's fine. I mean, well, it's a bit hypocritical of me if it wasn't, heh," Sirius smiled awkwardly. 

Remus thought his stomach had dropped to his feet if the swooping sensation was anything to go by. His heart was caught in his throat, breath expelled from his lungs. His head was swimming, drowning, and he almost lept up and ran away. That was easier than this, wasn't it?

"Y-y-you're... You're-"

"Gay? Queer?" Sirius laughed, "A poofter, pansy, batty bum boy? That's me, alright!" 

"You're gay?"

"I did just say that!" He teased. "I always knew, really, there was just never the right time to come out to you lot, let's be honest. I was gonna do it the third year, and then Peter moved in, and it didn't seem the right moment. I guess I just forgot."

_ Forgot? You forgot? While I was over here pining over your straight ass for years?! _

"You'll swallow flies like that," Sirius snickered, reaching over and placing two fingers underneath Remus's chin and gently closing his jaw. "James is really outnumbered with the Queer energy in the group, isn't he! So go on, how long had you known? Why did you never say?"

"Ah, well..." 

_ I knew when I was ten, and I smacked into you. You did nothing but ruffle my hair and smile and drag me inside. I knew when I was thirteen, and you pulled me into the lake, and I was left with that scar on my hip. I knew when I was sixteen, and you insisted on carrying me around camp while I couldn't walk. I knew when I was eighteen, and you held my hand the night before we left, and when I cried into your chest when you told me goodbye the next morning.  _

_ I never said because I couldn't stand the thought of you figuring it out. Of no more piggyback rides, no more hand-holding, no more hugs and cuddles or playing with each others hair. You weren't worth losing. _

"I dunno, really. I kinda always knew, and I just never knew how to bring it up, I guess?" Remus lied through his teeth, looking over to Harry and Ron laughing by the side of the net as the teams swapped.

"That's fair. I mean, at least we have each other. Like, two gay boys, not on our own."

"Yeah, that's good."

Another lie.

Remus being in love with Sirius was one thing when he was straight. He was like some unobtainable object that Remus knew he could never have, and he could live with that. Barely, but he could. Being in love with someone who could never love you back is one thing, but knowing he  _ could _ love Remus and just  _ didn't _ ? Remus wondered if his heart could ache anymore, wondered if the stinging and stabbing in his chest would ever die down. No, of course not. Remus would spend the rest of his days pining over his best friend, who'd go off and fall in love with other people, leaving him alone in the dust.

The padding of feet on the sand distracted Remus from his thoughts, and he looked up to see Harry looking down at them, volleyball tight in his grip.

"Sirius!" The young boy beamed, chucking him the ball, "You wanna play now?"

"Hm..." Sirius seemed to fake-ponder for a moment, before pushing up from the ground, "I think so! Come on, kid, let's go!"

"Yay!"

Harry ran back down to the shore, tackling Ron and Hermione into side hugs when he reached them, tumbling to the sand and laughing.

"I won't be long," Sirius grinned, dusting off the sand on his legs and turning to head to Harry. "Back in a bit."

"Yeah... see you, Pads."


	6. Elmosolyodni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus learns rain doesn't always bring bad days, and young boys learn a new skill (and perhaps a new friendship). In the end, they had started to smile after all.
> 
> Elmosolyodni  
> [verb]
> 
> The Act of Starting to Smile (in a Really Subtle Way)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> positivity and appreciation to you all on this Friday the 13th <3

"Hnng... Sirius..." Remus grumbled, sliding off of his bed and shaking the sleeping figure tucked under the duvet. "Pads, get up."

"Sorry," Sirius yawned, "Can't hear you. Too tired."

"Padfoot, seriously," Remus grabbed his arm and tried to pull him off of the bed, only to remember Sirius had about a foot and sixty pounds on him, and Remus only ended up worn out. "Get  _ up _ ! We need to change our plans."

That seemed to have Sirius slightly emerging from the land of sleep, and he buried his head further into his pillow, and groaned. 

"Rem, I'm so tired. And cold. Come cuddle me so we can stay warm and sleep more."

Remus grabbed a pillow from his own bed, and smacked Sirius hard on his back. "Get! Up! You! Big! Lump!" He punctuated each word with a wack, bringing the pillow down harder each time. Sirius lept out of bed, tangled in his duvet, and slipped on a random item of clothing, sending him flopping ungracefully to the floor.

"The fuck was that for, you knobhead!" Sirius shouted, moving his hair from his face and rubbing his eyes as he adjusted to the light.

"Look, you dumbarse!" Remus laughed, pointing at the window.

"Ah."

The pair had checked the weather forecast before they'd gone to sleep last night, intending on doing a mini 'picnic' for everyone who wanted to join in, seeing as there were no planned activities on Sundays. They'd gone to the kitchens and asked for sandwiches and sweets, had dug out as many blankets as they could find, and Sirius even made a playlist for them to listen to.

Looking at the grey clouds and rain hammering on the window, Remus sighed.

"So. What should we do instead?"

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, only to get cut off by a yawn, and he flopped onto his back.

Remus spent the next few minutes doing what he'd been doing since they arrived at camp seven days ago. 

Staring at Sirius.

His hair fanned out around him, stark against the light wooden flooring. His lips were slightly parted, and his eyes were closed, and for a moment, Remus wondered if Sirius had fallen back asleep. A few seconds later, however, his eyes fluttered open, and he blinked, looking up to Remus with bright grey eyes.

"Is suggesting crafts really boring? Like, we could just rummage around that old broom closet for supplies-"

"Provided that it's still all kept there," Remus reminded with a smile, putting a hand out for Sirius to grab on to. 

"Well, yes. But we can just shove stuff out, stick on music, and have a nice chill day. The other staff can come and help out if they fancy, but it'll just be putting it out for people to use." With help from Remus, Sirius got back on his feet and dumped the duvet back onto the bed in a messy heap. 

"Sounds like a plan," Moony smiled, sluggishly making his way back to his own side of the room, and dug some clean clothes from the drawers and grabbing his towel and washbag. "So, I'm gonna get ready, and get the boys up and see what they're doing, whether they wanna join in or stay here or whatever."

"Alright."

Remus found himself walking up a little more under the warmth of the shower, and even more so when he emerged from the bathroom, and ended up back in the coldness of the cabin corridor. Wet towel and dripping washbag still under his arms, Remus opened the door to the boys' room. 

The first couple of days, he'd woken them up, bar one or two kids who were already awake. 

Today, however, Remus was seeing the same sight he'd seen the past few days.

All six boys were on the floor in a circle, crossed legged, still in their pyjamas, in total silence. Instead, their hands were moving - signing to one another rather than talking, with small corrections from Neville when someone slipped up a little.

"Alright, boys," Remus laughed, breaking the silence in the room, startling a couple of the boys, "Practice time's over. You've got half an hour until breakfast. I'm not sure if you saw, but it's absolutely chucking it down outside, so Sirius and I, and perhaps a few other councillors are just gonna run some crafts in the main hall, in case you get a little bored."

"Can we bring games?" Dean asked, yawning and stretching as he began to stand. 

"What sort of games?"

"Well, Mum packed me some Travel Monopoly set," He replied with a grin.

"I've got Uno?" Ron suggested to the delight of Harry.

"That sounds like a good idea. If you all just bring whatever games you want, and we'll see if we can set up a games slash craft room, yes? But you can't do any of that that until you're up and have eaten breakfast," He reminded, all boys bounding into action, diving for their bags and towels and toothbrushes.

Quietly closing the door behind him, Remus made his way back down the corridor and popped his head around into James and Peters room.

"James is in the showers," Peter said, lounging on his bed in boxers and a binder, slurping on a carton of juice. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Uh, just letting you know that Pads and I aren't doing that picnic today, obviously. We're just getting a load of crafts and games and setting them up in that big room in the main hall, probably bring a load of food there, and make some sort of hang out space while it's chucking it down."

"Sounds good! I was gonna try and run a DnD game today anyway, so I might sit in there to do it."

"Alright, Wormy. I'm going to grab my stuff and run over to the hall for breakfast without getting too wet, hopefully. Let James know what's going on?"

"Will do."

Remus, once again, left the room. He turned, took one step forward, and pushed open the door to his and Sirius's room. 

As he walked in, he caught Sirius pulling his hair into a messy bun, leaving a few strands to frame his face.

"N-Nice hair," Remus stammered, feeling his face heat up. 

"You always did like my hair when it was up," Sirius laughed, striding over until he was towering over Remus, and twirled a piece of the brunette's hair around his forefinger. "And I always loved yours when it had just dried. So fluffy," He commented lightly, stepping back and grinning. "Come on, Moons, we should get to breakfast."

Jaw still dropped and cheeks still warm, Remus followed Sirius out of the room. Most of the boys joined them in the corridor, and they headed out of the cabin for breakfast.

___

The main hall had been bustling during the morning and over lunchtime but had now quietened down.

Peter was tucked away into a corner with the pink-haired 17-year old that Remus had seen around camp a few more times, along with two slightly younger boys. One of them Remus knew was called Oliver, who had an affinity for sports and adventure and was often with James, and the other he had yet to meet - but guessing by the hair and freckles, he assumed the boy was related to Ron and the twins. The pair were sat close to one another, and Remus swore that he saw their hands linked under the table. He smiled to himself.

Peter had his hands up, moving dramatically as he told the story, and the three children seemed nothing but invested.

Sirius and Remus found themselves at the table in the centre, surrounded by half-finished crafts, ripped up tissue paper, and pipe cleaners. There were a couple of kids at the far end, who were playing what he guessed was Go Fish, and other than that, the table was clear. Remus was watching Peter run his game, looking over to where James was playing Monopoly with Harry, Hermione, Fred, George and Pansy every now and then. Sirius was leaning so close to the table that his nose was almost touching what he was making. He'd look up every now and then to grab something, and grin wide and bright at Remus, twirling a strand of hair around his finger. When that happened, Remus would look away faster than Sirius could focus on his thing again. 

It happened again, as Sirius grabbed for two googly eyes from the other side of the table, and Remus cursed himself for going all gooey and lovesick on the inside. It was awfully pathetic to be pining like that at twenty-eight years old, but Sirius's coming out only four days prior had sent his feelings skyrocketing, so it seemed. He was fifteen again, savouring every grin, every wink, every flirtatious comment, in hopes that one day they'd be directed to him with intention. 

Remus looked back over to James and, while willing for his blush to die down, saw the group packing the game up, with Hermione looking very pleased with herself. After it was boxed away, they began to stand up. Hermione and Pansy ran right out of the hall, smiling and laughing as they did, dragging one another along. The twins joined the pair at the end of Remus and Sirius's table, quickly striking up a conversation, just as James found himself tackled around the legs by his son.

"Look, Moony!" Sirius beamed, distracting Remus from his people watching, "I made a penguin!" In Sirius's hands, was a purple felt penguin, no bigger than the size of his palm, with slightly wonky eyes and a bright yellow beak. Remus couldn't help but match his grin.

"That's actually so cute."

" _ Cute _ ?" Sirius asked, feigning offence, "It's bloody adorable!"

"You alright, Kid?" James's voice distracted Remus, and he turned back to his friend, to see James crouching down to Harry's level. "What's up?"

Harry mumbled something, dropping his head and kicking the floor lightly. 

"What was that, Haz? You're gonna need to speak up for me."

"...Miss mum..." He muttered, falling forward and pressing his face into his dad's chest.

"Oh, kid... Me too, Prongslet. Me too," James smiled sadly. He ran a hand through his son's hair, before gently pulling him off and standing upright. "How about you make something for her, alright?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know those pretty bracelets Mummy wears on her ankle? The fabric ones?"

"Yeah?"

"If I remember rightly, Sirius used to be very good at making them, and maybe he and Remus could help you?" He suggested with a smile, and Harry's face lit up.

"Yay! Uncle Moony! Uncle Padfoot!" He cried gleefully, dashing over to the pair on the other side of the room.

Remus's breath caught in his throat as Harry skipped over, his father watching and smiling from the other end of the room. It took a moment for him to look to his right and catch eyes with Sirius. Sirius had his eyes wide and watery, cheeks red and a smile stretching from ear to ear. 

"He... he called me Uncle," He murmured in disbelief, and Remus couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Of course, he did!" Remus grinned, trying to play off his own shock at the comment. 

"But he hardly knows me, Rem?"

"He knows plenty about you. He knows how well you get along with James, and he's spent so much time with you over the last week. He adores you. I wouldn't be shocked if I've been demoted from favourite uncle," Remus teased, nudging Sirius. "Yes, he called you uncle, just as Peter's kids will, and mine, and James's next sprog."

"After everything? After all this time?" He asked as Harry jumped onto the seat next to Sirius.

"Always, Pads. Always!"

"Okay!" Sirius coughed, shaking his head and turning to his nephew, wiping his eyes. "Friendship bracelet is it?"

"Mhm! I don't know how to make them though," Harry said, his face scrunched up in confusion. 

"That's alright, I'll show you. Gotta pick your colours first though." Sirius grabbed a bag of threads from the other side of the table, and Harry started rummaging through them. "Pick about four or five, okay?"

"Okay!" 

Harry picked the colours, going for different shades of pinks and purples, and handed them to Sirius. Sirius explained what he was doing, first tying the colours at the top and making a loop. He attached the bracelet-to-be to the end of the table with a bulldog clip, and pulled the coloured threads apart.

"So, what you wanna do is take the first one and the second, loop them like this," Sirius explained, slowly showing the movements, similar to when he'd teach sign language, "Then like this, and pull." Harry's face remained scrunched up, and he asked Sirius to show him again.

Remus was so invested in watching Sirius and Harry, that he hadn't heard the footsteps of someone approaching the table. He looked up to see Draco, the blonde boy from their cabin, looking down at them, specifically at the bracelet Harry and Sirius were making.

"Hello, Draco. Want to make one?" Remus suggested, a little awkwardly. Draco had seemed very cut off from everyone else, often not joining in unless it was something like climbing. 

"Boys don't wear bracelets," He said, not unkindly, but insistent, and Remus gave a small smile.

"They do." Remus lifted his arm to show a leather bracelet on his wrist with a metal clasp that had a small moon engraving on it. Sirius, still chatting to Harry, did the same, showing an identical bracelet that Remus knew had a star on. James and Peter had matching ones, too, Peter's with a comet engraving, and James's with the sun.

Draco's face softened for a split second, the edge of his lip twitching, before he folded his arms. "I don't know how."

"I can- Well, Sirius can show you, I can try and help?" Remus offered. "Pads, any chance you can show two more?"

"Yeah," He laughed, "I think I can do that."

Draco gave the closest thing to a smile that Remus had seen all week, and he moved around the other side of the table and sat beside Remus. 

"Okay, so," Sirius began to explain again, "If you both do the same as Harry, grab some thread, and tie them together at the top in a loop, and- oh, I might as well make one now! Pass me the thread, Moony!"

"Moony?" Draco asked curiously, beginning to tie his thread together.

"Nicknames," Sirius and Remus said at the same time, smiling. 

"Apparently, when they were little, Remus used to be really clumsy and stumbling and-"

"Okay, Harry, just embarrass me why don't you!" Remus laughed at his nephew.

"That's my job!" Harry grinned, before focusing on his bracelet again.

Remus and Draco got their threads clipped to the table, but just as Sirius was about to show them what to do, went rummaging in his backpack. He pulled out a glasses case, and took out the glasses from inside. He placed the black Browline Glasses on, pulling the strands of hair from underneath the arms of the frame, and continued on as before.

"Something funny?" Sirius asked as Remus let out a small squeak of laughter. 

"No, no, n-not at all!"

"You sure? Because you're going very red there, my Moony, and I know when you're trying not to laugh. I know you better than you know yourself."

"I-I don't doubt that," Remus snickered, "It's just-"

"What?"

"Nothing, Pads."

Sirius glared at him for a moment - not offended and in fact very amused, before he shook his head.

"Just as I showed Harry, you wanna take this thread here, and cross it over..."

Remus tried to listen and follow along, but on more than one occasion, Sirius had to help him when he lost track. Draco was going far better, already five or six rows ahead of Remus. But when Sirius looked like that, it felt like a crime not to stare.

When Sirius turned up to camp when they were fourteen, he'd totally changed his look. He had big heavy boots (Remus tried them on once, only to find he was too weak to be able to lift his foot enough to move) and he'd grown his hair out even more than before. He'd claimed he'd found two amazing bands called Fall out boy and The All-American Rejects - that yes, he also got Remus obsessed with - and declared himself Punk. The others had laughed at him, but Sirius stuck with it, dealing with the teasing head-on as he played around with eyeliner and spiked clothes. It was the reason Remus had bought him that leather jacket for his fifteenth birthday. 

Sirius was still Punk, really. Still listened to the music, still wore the eyeliner and had his patch pants tucked at the bottom of his suitcase.

But here he was, in a burgundy camp shirt, with his hair up in a bun, making pink friendship bracelets with his nephew, and pushing up the glasses that kept slipping down his nose every few minutes, and Remus couldn't help but smile.

"Focus, Moons!" Sirius jokingly reprimanded, "You messed up again!" He pointed to where Remus had done the last loop backwards and smiled.

"Ah damn, yeah."

"Are you alright?" He asked, rather seriously, "You seem, I dunno, distracted?"

"Nope, I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yup."

" _ You're sure _ you're sure?"

"Yes, Pads, now-"

"Sirius?" Harry said, "I think I'm done, how do I finish it?"

"Let me show you, kid," Sirius gave a last smile to Remus, before turning to help Harry.

Remus was about to turn to ask Draco how he was going, before quickly catching eyes with a kid from across the room. Remus hadn't seen him before, but he was clearly one of the Weasley kids (how many children did their parents have?!). He was staring at Remus from the doorway, and flushed as soon as he was caught, quickly looking away and dipping behind the door. 

"Remus," Draco said beside him, "I think I've gone wrong somewhere."

"Okay, let's have a look," Remus smiled, shrugging off the stranger interaction - if it could even be called that.

Sirius nudged him, and nodded to where Harry was. Their nephew was holding out the bracelet and he was staring at it proudly.

"Will mum like it?" He asked Remus.

"Your mum will love it, Prongslet! Pop it somewhere safe so you don't lose it before you go home, alright?"

"Okay!"

"He's a good kid," Sirius smiled as Harry lept from his seat and bounded over to where Peter was sat, still running the campaign, but pausing for a moment to compliment Harry's creative skills. Then, just as hurriedly, ran back over to Draco, complimenting him on his work with the brightest smile.

"Yeah," Remus sighed, realising how good everything was for that moment, slowly breaking out into a smile of his own, "He is."


	7. Parablepsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is a social mess, and clumsy, so really, Sirius should have expected it to happen.
> 
> Parablepsis  
> [noun]  
> par-a-blep′sis
> 
> 1) False vision  
> 2) A circumstance in which a scribe miscopies text due to inadvertently looking to the side while copying, or accidentally skips over some of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not Asexual, but I asked Ace people's opinions on how I've written this to make sure it's okay! If people have issues, please please comment and let me know! <3<3

"I really don't get why you wanted me to help!" Remus grumbled, out of breath as he tugged along a long, think wooden log. He was walking backwards, dragging it over the bumpy ground huffing and puffing as he did. Beside him was James, carrying a piece of timber in each arm, smiling and looking over towards the water as if the weight of the wood was nothing.

"Because, Moony," He beamed, "Building them fits in with your exploring-crafty, building malarky, and then the water bit is all me! Plus," He began to add, "We've been here eleven days now, and we've not run an activity together, or spent much time together either."

"T-That's fine, but _ raft building _ ?! You know how I am with this bloody lake, I hate it! Not to mention, I can't carry this crap!" Remus dropped the log with an ear-shattering thump, and bent over, placing his hands on this thighs and breathing heavily. 

"Well, lucky for you, that's the last of it," James said, placing his logs down, looking over at everything they'd bought from the watersports storage shed to the lake around the back of the main hall. There were massive plastic barrels, more logs, and plenty of rope sprawled out on the grass near the ban, ready for when the children came over for activities. 

It didn't take long for everyone to pile over. It was a twelve and over activity, just because the kids would be in the water on rafts, and so Remus was met with a lot of faces he'd yet to see. He did, however, recognise two of them. There was the pink-haired girl Remus had seen around a few times who had an arm thrown around the shoulder of a taller, well build boy. The boy was the ginger kid who'd been staring at Remus three days prior when he was with Sirius. He still seemed to be looking a little oddly at Remus, but when the kids broke off into groups, he seemed to preoccupied with building to look at Remus.

The ginger and pink-haired couple ended up with two other teens in the year above them, while there were two more groups made of four. James instructed them how to make the rafts, while Remus stood off to the side acting... rather like a lemon. This  _ wasn't _ his sort of thing - here he was, leaning against a tree, only called over when one of the teens forgot how to tie a reef knot. Remus watched from the side as they laid the logs in an overlapping rectangle and tied them together, and then attached barrels onto the bottom. Eventually, he helped them get them out onto the water (with great difficulty, and James and to help him several times) and into life jackets, before watching them try and navigate their rafts on the water. 

Thankfully, Remus was exempt from actually going on the water, and could breathe a sigh of relief when he flopped down onto the grass, and pulled out a book. 

It was soon time for everyone to make their way back into land, peeling off their life jackets and laughing about the fun they had. James, seeing that they ran over on time, excused them without having to back away, and the kids all bounded off happy. Tucking his book back in his bag, Remus stood up and began loosening one of the knots holding two of the logs together, while James did the same on a different raft a few metres away. He pulled the rope off, winding it around hid left hand as he went, and managed to gather ut all up when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Remus spun around fast, slipping on the wet sand and grabbing for the first thing. As Remus stood up straight, he realised he was gripping tightly onto an arm, and pulled back fast.

"Sorry!" He squeaked, stepping back and wincing as his legs hit the half-dismantled raft behind him. Remus looked up to see a long mess of ginger hair and an awkward but kind smile, and realised it was the boy who'd been staring at him a few days before. "Can I help you?"

"Ah, uh, yes- hi," He stammered in a slight anglo-cornish accent, running one hand through his hair and using the other to pull at the hem of his t-shirt. "I was wondering if I could, well, talk to you for a moment."

"Of course, kid," Remus tried to smile, but couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. He knew when he applied that sometimes kids might come to him with more serious topics (which is was if the teens shuffling was anything to go by) but had presumed his anxious exterior might have sent people seeking for help in others. "You want a bit more privacy?" He asked, nodding over to James."

"If that's okay. Remus, right?"

"Uh, yeah- Prongs?" Remus called, "I'll help in a moment, just-"

"All good with me, Moony!" James beamed, before diving back into undoing the knots.

Remus gestured over to the tree he'd been sat by earlier, where his bag still was, and the pair headed over. It was hidden by the hall, so there was no worry about other kids seeing in case he was nervous, but still in the sun with a view of the lake. 

"Sorry, I don't believe I caught your name before," Remus asked, trying to break the tension. They stood facing one another under the shade of the tree. They shuffled about, looking at anywhere but each other.

"Charlie," The kid - Charlie - smiled, "Charlie Weasley."

"The eldest?" Remus wanted to clarify.

"Second eldest. Bill's older than me by two years. He's 19 now, so can't come to camp anymore."

"Ah, so you're 17 then?"

"I am."

Charlie sat down, and Remus quickly followed, pulling at the grass a bit just so he had something to do with his hands.  _ This was awkward. So very awkward _ . Remus felt his heart rate quickening with the anxiety building in his chest; he really wasn't cut out for this.

"I probably chose the most nervous councillor to talk to, didn't I?" Charlie laughed, and Remus wasn't sure if the question was rhetorical or not.

"Perhaps."

"Wow," The teen huffed, shaking his head, "This is a lot harder than I thought."

"Why- why don't you start off telling me  _ why _ you came to  _ me _ ?" Remus suggested with a crooked smile. "Maybe that's a place to start?

"Because you're gay."

"Uh-"

"I mean, it's kind of obvious," Charlie shrugged, like it  _ really was _ obvious. "So it gave me three options to choose from if we were considering only obviously queer councillors. You, that Blond Bimbo that does the fencing, or your partner-friend-whoever with the leather jackets. He's too intimidating, and Blondy is, well, you've spoken to him, so you know. I just thought someone gay or LGBT was easier to speak to, I think?" 

"Uh-" Remus drawled gormlessly again. He tried to brush off the comment about Sirius - and the blush that formed with it - and tried not to laugh at the comments about the other councillor. "So... you're gay? Or think you might be?"

"This is the thing," Charlie whispered, pulling his legs in close and bringing his knees to his chest. He rests his chin on his knee, speaking no louder than a quiet murmur. His face changed, frowning a little; he was no longer awkward, and only looked scared. Disappointed, almost. "I'm not gay. I'm not gay, not straight, not bi or pan or omni or anything like that. I'm not anything. I don't get it."

"Where's this all come from?" Remus prompted. He leant back against the tree, still pulling at the grass, but focusing on Charlie, watching him intently. 

"Tonks. Kind of."

"Who's that?"

"My best friend. She's got a girlfriend, and she keeps showing me pictures of the two of them, and talking 'bout dates and kissing and being in love and- well..."

"And?"

"I don't want any of that," Charlie grumbled a little, a strange sort of laughter colouring his voice, and he stretched his legs out. He leant back against the tree, too, looking up at the leaves in the tree. "Never have. It's gross. Why would I do any of that when I can just hang out with friends, or read, or study or play with animals. I don't get it, am I broken or something? Is something-"

"Hey, hey, hey," Remus cut him off, pushing himself upright. "Look at me, alright, and listen. You aren't broken, okay? There is nothing wrong with not being attracted to anyone. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date, or kiss, or any of that. There are plenty of other people like that, you know."

"Really? Other people, too?" Charlie asked, a glimmer of hope in his eye, his features softening in comfort. Remus's own anxiety began to fade - hopefully, it was smooth sailing from here.

"Have you heard of something called AroAce?" He asked gently, and the young boy shook his head. "It means Aromantic Asexual. Aromantic means you don't experience romantic attraction, and Asexual means you don't experience sexual attraction. They aren't mutually exclusive - you can fall in love and not want sex, or you can want to have sex and not fall in love, both are okay. But, at the same time, a lot of people are both. Now, I'm not going to say that's what you are and that's that, because you need to find labels you feel comfortable with - if you want to label yourself. Again, not a requirement. But there are plenty of people on that Asexual spectrum, and you are definitely not alone."

Charlie seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, settling further back against the trunk and letting the tension from his shoulders drop. 

"Really?"

"Really," Remus promised. 

"And that doesn't make me weird?" Charlie asked, and his face twisted in some odd way, as if the words were difficult to say.

"Not at all. You... you might stand out, sometimes, if people know. Some people would say you don't fit, and I've been told the same. I mean, I'm a Queer, neurodivergent, book worm who's at a summer camp when he burns in 20-degree heat!" He exclaimed, earning a laugh from the teen. "Some people weren't born to fit in, and that's okay."

"It's just... You know, Bill's got a girlfriend now who he's moving in with, and Percy has his boyfriend. Even Fred seems to have a girlfriend or whatever, and he's  _ twelve _ . I... well, I'm not- ugh, I'm still worried. Scared. But it's a start, right? To know I'm not on my own?"

"Coming out to people is a long process, and you never really stop. Telling one person that you feel different, or telling them a little able who you really are is a huge step. Yes, it's a start."

"I'm not ready to tell people yet," Charlie winced, "Mum... Dad... I mean, they're okay with Percy so they'd be okay, but it's hard. To think about sitting them down and telling them that I won't give them grandkids, or get married, or any of that."

Remus placed a hand on his shoulder, only for a moment, and smiled, "That's okay. You do it in your own time. Only when you're ready, and not a moment before."

"Does it get easier?"

"Coming out?"

"Yeah."

Remus looked over to the beach to see James with his arms full of rope. He looked up, squinting behind glasses, and smiled as he waved over to the pair. "Yeah," Remus said, waving back, "Yeah, it does."

___

Remus watched as Harry narrowed his eyes on the spoon in his hands, taking careful steps and glancing up every now and then to the ground ahead of him. He stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, a habit he shared with his father when they were concentrating a little too hard. It only took four more steps before the egg came tumbling off, chacking on the floor with a dull thump that could be heard, even over the cheers and chatter of around 100 other people. Harry looked over to where Remus, Sirius, Peter and his dad, James, were, both dejected but amused, and walked back over to sit with them. They continued to watch as the rest of the racers ran ahead, a few dropping out when their eggs fell off, and only two of them made it to the end with eggs still intact. 

"Nice try, Kiddo!" James said, leaning over and patting his son on the back once Harry was sat back down between Ron and Hermione. "Maybe next time, yeah?"

Wednesdays bought Camp-wide Games for the evening activity, and that second Wednesday had games ran by the Prewett twins, who were councillors for the 11-year-olds in the cabin next to theirs. After a chat with Remus the day before, they'd decided on running a sports day type of event, with different races for the children to take part in, and sweets to win at the end for the cabin that did the best. 

"Right," One of the twins, Fabian, began with a clap, "Cabin six is still in the lead, but there are still plenty more races to go! But for now, what we'll do is give our campers a bit of a rest, and get some others involved instead. Now I think," He spoke teasingly to the children, "That we should get some of the adults involved. So, if you lot want to nominate two of the grown-ups from your cabin for this next one-"

The field immediately interrupted with laughter and shouting as everyone turned to their camp leaders.

"Not a chance, guys!" James laughed, stretching his legs out on the grass. Harry begged and begged, but his father just shook his head and smiled. "I know what we're gonna be doing, not to mention I've been hauling logs all day!"

"Yeah, I'm out of this one too, guys," Peter smiled sadly and pulling his jumper further from his body, "My chest is killing me today. Maybe next time, aye?"

Sirius nudged Remus before standing up, grinning down at him. "Well then, Moony! Guess that's down to me and you then!"

"I really don't-"

"Come on, Uncle Moony!" Harry shouted, grinning cheekily from ear to ear. 

"Yeah, go on, Remus!" Ron added, and was swiftly followed by agreements from both the boys and girls. They all began clapping and cheering, and Remus guessed the other campers were doing the same. One look at Harry's face had all of Remus's arguments dropping from his mind, and he pushed himself up off of the ground.

" _ You owe me _ ," He mouthed to James and Peter, catching both of them put a five-pound note each on the ground in front of them.  _ Twats, betting on us as usual. _

Sirius took Remus's hand, and they made their way to the starting line. Seven other pairs were there by the time they made it, and Remus quickly looked down the line at them. 

Fabien was still over by everyone else, but his brother Gideon was to the right of Sirius, joined by a girl with long blonde hair. Beyond them were the third year councillors, and then the fourth (one of whom Remus recognised as the 'Blond Bimbo' Charlie had referred to earlier that day). Then there were fifth, six, seventh, and eighth, all in pairs looking nervous.

"What we're gonna go," Fabien began again amusedly, "Is make our  _ beloved  _ councillors try a little thing called a three-legged race!"

_ Fuck. _

"Uh, Sirius-"

"Oh boy," Sirius laughed, "This is gonna be fun!"

Remus deadpanned, "This is going to go horribly," but Sirius simply played with one of the tawny curls on Remus's head. 

"I'll catch you if you fall, Moony!" Sirius teased with a wink, still playing with his friend's hair.

"Pads, if I fall, then you fall," He corrected, trying to ignore the heat on his cheeks. 

While the shaking in his hands and blotchy blush crawling up his neck was mostly due to Sirius's flirtatiousness, Remus couldn't help but feel anxious at the thought of the race. He must have been the clumsiest person there; hell, he met two of his three best friends after he ran into one of them! What if he fell down in front of them? What if everyone laughed? Those 15-year-olds could be rude if they wanted to be - Remus could remember what he and his friends were like at that age. What if-

"Hey," Sirius said softly, slipping his fingers through Remus's locks and smiling, "It'll be perfectly okay, trust me. We'll have a good laugh, and then go back to the cabin for hot chocolate, alright?  _ Trust me _ ."

"There we go!" Fabian grinned, handing two canvas straps, both with velcro on each end, to Sirius. "One around your ankles, one above or below your knees, okay?" Before either could answer, he turned to the next pair and gave the same instructions. 

"Well, then!" Sirius instantly bent over, bringing the first strap around their ankles, and hitting it once lightly to make sure the velcro was tightly fixed. He did the same with the second one, putting it just below their knees. "Pull test?"

Both boys tried to yank their legs apart, only to stumble a little, still attached. 

"Yeah, that's not coming off any time soon," Remus snickered, while Sirius pointed over to their cabin group.

"I think some people are a bit entertained."

Harry and James were off to the side of the tracks, crying with laugher and leaning on one another. The other kids looked incredible amused, and even Draco had a small smirk on his lips. 

Sirius slipped his arm over Remus's shoulders, and Remus grabbed onto Sirius's waist.

"Okay, everyone ready?" Fabian shouted, drawing attention from the crowd again. He counted down from three, before yelling, "Go!"

Remus didn't remember setting off, only felt himself almost being dragged along by Sirius. He could hear Peter shout something and looked up briefly to see him and James squealing, and Harry was even holding James's phone, recording the whole thing.

"Bastards..." He muttered, and quickly glanced to his side to see Sirius looking at him, amused and smirking. "H-Hey! Don't go faster!" Remus hissed as Sirius seemed to speed up, pulling Remus along even more. Remus tightened his grip on Sirius's waist, holding him closer to try and keep himself upright. They seemed to be third or fourth, so not doing too awfully, and no one had fallen over yet. Remus's legs were moving faster than he could deal with, and his hair was flopping down over his eyes. He tripped, once or twice, and Sirius gave a quiet, low laugh in his chest that Remus could feel. 

"Slow down, you idiot!" Remus said, trying to keep up. 

"Why, going to fast for you?" Sirius teased, _ still not letting up.  _

"It's not that!" Remus complained, stumbling slightly over a dip in the grass before standing back upright, "It's you and your stupid, long, sexy legs! I'm tiny, I can't-"

"What?" Sirius whipped his head around to look at Remus, but turned too far. Moving his left leg, he ended up pushing Remus backwards, only to have his own leg pulled out from underneath him. Remus closed his eyes, bracing for the fall, and grabbing onto the first thing Lupin could feel in front of him. He felt himself falling backwards, then a sharp pain shot up his back, and his head smacked the ground. 

"Shit- ow!" He tried to sit up, only for the throbbing pain in his head to worsen. It felt like there was something heavy on his chest, and Remus could feel himself rasping, trying to breathe through the weight. He could faintly hear shouting in the background, and heavy breathing from who he guessed was himself. Slowly, he blinked his eyes open, only to see that the feeling on his chest was not imaginary. 

Sirius's nose was almost touching his. Remus's tightened his grip on whatever he was holding onto, only to realise it was fabric being bunched up under his fingertips, apparently Sirius's camp shirt. The older man's body was flush with his, with his hands on either side of Remus's head. Sirius tried to push himself up, forgetting that his and Remus's legs were still tied together, before falling back down onto Remus's chest with a huff. 

"Shit!" Remus repeated, his head buzzing a little, and he closed his eyes again. 

"Are you both alright?!" James shouted from close to them, but Remus didn't open his eyes to try and see where his friend was. 

"What do you think? I just had a 6'3 lump of muscles and bones fall on me, no I'm not bloody alright."

"I'm 6'5 now," Sirius tried to say, but it came out as a strained whine, "And  _ you _ grabbed onto _ me _ ! I'm only down here because you pulled me down."

"Don't pin this on me, just- Oh fine, James, give us a hand!"

James, along with another pair of hand who Remus presumed (hoped) was Peter, fiddled with the straps on their legs and began to take them off. 

"Well, hey there, Moony," Sirius sang, his nose still brushing against Remus's - Remus could feel Sirius's breath on his skin, on his lips, and he needed to get away now before he did something stupid.

James began to pull Sirius off of him, and Remus shuffled back, finally sitting up and sucking in a deep breath, trying to ignore the pounding in the back of his head. 

"You okay, Pads?" Peter asked, nervously checking him over.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Rem softened the fall."

"Moony?"

"Yeah, yeah," Remus winced, bringing his hand to his head and squeezing his eyes shut, "I'm okay. I just think I hit my head on the grass."

"Think?!" Peter laughed sharply, "Moony, you fell down as quick as anything! You smacked your head on the ground like it was nobody's bloody business."

Sirius bent down, looped Remus's arm over his shoulder, and stood back up again. "I'm gonna take him back to the cabin I think. James, are you alright to look after-"

"Yeah, I've got it, don't worry."

"Sirius, no, I'm fine. Just a bit sore. We need to get off the track, everyone's probably staring."

"Nah, they aren't, Remus. They're too busy laughing at the fact that the councillor for the fourteen-year-olds, that Gilderoy guy, stopped halfway through to complain that his bloody hair!" James cackled, hitting Remus on the back, apologising when Remus flinched and hissed in pain.

"Come on, Rem, let's go!" Sirius said, walking off without another word and giving Remus no choice but to hobble along beside him. 

They were a few steps away from the crowd, which was already getting back into full swing with another race, this time for the campers again, when Remus let out a small laugh.

"Moons? You okay?"

"Y-yeah," Remus smiled, still laughing. "Just... we're idiots, falling over in front of everyone like that."

"Yeah, we are," Sirius agreed, a small chuckle slipping from between his lips, and he held onto Remus a little bit tighter. "But we're idiots together, so that's okay."


	8. Whelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pictures are sometimes better shared, and Peter's smarter than everyone thinks.
> 
> Whelve  
> [verb]  
> whel-ve
> 
> To bury something deep, to hide; to roll or surge over something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love Peter, enjoy some Peter content <3

Remus dropped his hand from where it had been holding the back of his head fast.

"I still think you should have gone to the hospital, Rem," Peter grumbled, dropping the twigs and branches in his hand to join the rest on the forest floor. "Just to be safe."

"I'm fine, Wormy. It's just a little sore, is all. And I'm helping you out all day, aren't I? So no need to push myself too much."

"True. It's just some hut building, so nothing too strenuous."

Remus stretched over his head and yawned, causing Peter to do the same. They cracked up laughing, for no real reason, until they heard the crunching of leaves from behind them. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were smiling at them, and Harry ran to tackle them both in a hug.

"Hey, kiddo! Are you doing alright? Ron, Hermione, you both good?"

"We're good thanks, Peter," Hermione replied, stepping further into the clearing. "Is this where the den building stuff it?"

"It is! But don't get too worn out, it's cleaning tonight, remember?"

Harry grumbled, pulling back from his hug with Remus. "Do we really have to clean again?"

"Yes, Prongslet, we do, or we'll be living in filth for the next three weeks," Remus reminded, ruffling the young boy's hair before he went back over to join his friends. 

"Don't worry, Haz," Peter said, dumping the rope from his backpack onto the ground to join the wood, "I hated cleaning too. We all did, other than your Uncle Moony! He'd be shouting at us all until he tidied up. Hid our phones once, too."

"It was 2006. Those  _ phones _ were the crap Nokia flip ones, it not like we used them much! Not to mention it bloody worked, it got the three of you tidying!"

"You need to tell us more stories, Rem!" Harry beamed, and Ron and Hermione agreed, "You never used to tell stories about camp."

"That's because most of the stories involved Pads, and I-"

"And you what?"

"Nothing, Haz," Remus smiled, "Now come on, seeing as you're here early, you can help me and Wormtail get some more branches over here ready for when everyone else turned up."

Despite at first complaining, Harry agreed, and he and his friends helped collect even more wood from deeper in the forest, adding them to the pile that Remus and Peter had begun to make in the middle of the clearing. Only five or so minutes later, the clearing had filled out with more campers, eager to start learning. Peter introduced himself, and then Remus, but most of the people there knew them by now. They'd been at camp for 12 days, and there was hardly a face they'd yet to see.

"So today, as you all know, we'll be doing Den Building! It's pretty easy, and loads of fun, so we'll crack right on!" Peter beamed with a clap. This was his element - working in the outdoors, whether it was for his work, or otherwise. "First, what I'll have you do is get into groups of three or four? That should work! Then, in your groups, go and pick one of the trees from around this little clearing. You'll build your den, hut, whatever you call it, against it. Remus and I will be making on on this tree here," Peter hit the tree with his palm of his hand to make the point, "So you can all see what we're doing and ask us for help if you need. Use anything you want to that's around, twigs, branches, leaves, there's some rope here, but the same rule to any of my or Remus's activities apply. No hurting any creatures you might come across, and no taking stuff off of trees or bushes. Things from the floor only, guys. With that being said, you can all crack on and have fun!"

They all seemed to naturally fall into groups, and all stood by a different tree and began to start, gathering wood and rope from the centre and leaning branches against the tree trunks. 

There ended up being five groups. Harry Ron and Hermione all went together, of course, and Neville joined them. Charlie and the pink-haired girl who Remus now presumed was Tonks, teamed up with two girls a few years below them. There was a group of four 18-year-olds that were wildly planning what they were gonna build and how, talking about 'why it went wrong last year' and Remus couldn't help smile as he was reminded of him and his friends when they were that age, ten years ago. A fourth group was of Fred, George, Angelina and Lee, but they seemed more interested in planning their next pranks than building the hut.

"Wanna make a start?" Peter said, snapping Remus from his daze and walking to the centre of the clearing, ready to gather some of the wood before the kids took it all. 

"Yup."

The blond came back, arms full of wood and twigs and rope, and dumped them in a pile beside them. Picking up one of the longer branches, Peter leant it against the tree, and then put a second and third beside it. Remus helped, doing the same until they had a cone-type shape around the tree. 

"So," Peter said, wiping the back of his hand over his sweaty lip. 

"So?"

"We've not had much of a chance to chat, just me and you, you know!" He grinned, now using tying a piece of rope around the top of the cone to help secure it better. 

"We haven't," Remus agreed, now beginning to fill some of the gaps around the 'den' with smaller branches and twigs. "Have you been okay? I can imagine you're missing Mary."

"I am," Peter nodded sadly. "I mean, the longest time I've spent apart from her was those two weeks I'd gone away for research, and that killed me."

"Have you called her at all?"

"A few times, yeah. She's gone down to visit her parents for now. She was feeling really lonely, and she can never see them if I'm there, so..."

"They never did come around to the idea of you and her, did they?"

"They never came around to the idea of me full stop," Peter laughed. "But she's with them now, and I'll probably call her again in a few days. Doesn't help that the signal here is crap."

"Good point. It was far easier when we used to send letters to home, wasn't it!" Remus laughed, nudging Peter, who shook his head. 

"Oh, god... I remember when we'd all sit on the floor of the cabin, with your books to lean on!" Peter recalled, "Pads would always help you write yours to your mum and dad, didn't he?"

"He did. Even wrote them one or two himself, and put his letter in with mine. They never did get to meet him..." Remus's face fell, and he shook his head fast, picking up another armful of wood. 

"Are you doing okay?"

"Huh?"

"Are you coping alright? It's not been that long since they passed away, and-"

"I'm fine, Peter," Remus tried to reassure, and tried to smile, only for both to come out weak.

"Are you, though? I mean, Sirius was saying all about his brother, and he had no clue about your mum, and, well, I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"It hurt," Remus admitted through gritted teeth, "Of course it did. But... I don't wish that my mum got better and Reg didn't. He's young and has a lot to live for. Mum lived a happy life, and we made up before she passed away. I didn't sort things out with dad but... well, that was his choice, and he's with Mum now too. Honestly," Remus smiled, more genuinely, "I just wish Mum and Sirius met. He used to speak to her on the phone, and she'd always ask me about him, and I'm just sad that they never got to meet."

Peter gave a sympathetic look, before turning to pick up more wood. "How  _ are  _ you and Sirius?" He asked, back turned to Remus.

"We're fine? Good, even. We're good. Uh- why?" Remus stammered, cocking his head, even though Peter couldn't see.

"You're doing it again," Peter chuckled, gazing back to Remus with a wry look. "You're presuming that I'm stupid."

"Am not. You just said it in a way that had me thinking that you thought something was wrong."

"And is there? Something wrong? I mean, James and Sirius have carried on as before. They aren't pretending nothing happened, of course, but they haven't changed at all. Nor have Siri and me, really. I mean, I don't think he was expecting the facial hair or voice drop, but we're okay," Peter laughed, rubbing his hand over his very short, very patchy beard, proud nonetheless. "But... I don't know Rem, I'm worried about you."

"You're always worried about me," Remus joked. "But yes, we're fine. I'm... getting used to it, you know? Slowly but surely. I missed him so much, and I am absolutely beyond happy that he's back. It's just hard. Really hard, getting over it."

Peter turned to lean on the den and shot a knowing look in his friend's direction, the corner of his lip turning up in a smirk. "And what, my dear Moony, is hard to get over?"

Shit.  _ Shit. _

Peter wouldn't believe a lie that Remus came up with on the spot. He could lie to James easily, the oblivious piece of shit, and he could lie to Sirius if he tried hard enough. But Peter could read people like they were an open book. 

So Remus just froze.

"You know," Peter started again, the sly and cocky expression melting away and replaced quickly with a soft smile. He began to build up the den further, continuing to talk and not looking at Remus as he did. "I think I figured it out when we were 17. You and I had just finished... fencing, was it? We had a bit of an obsession with it that year," He laughed. "God knows where James was! Probably off trying to call Lily or something. Anyway, we'd finished fencing, and decided to watch Padfoot finish off his activity before we went for lunch. He was doing acting with one of the councillors over at the campfire, so we took a seat right at the back. He saw us come over, and he looked at you with this massive smile and happy eyes, and he looked totally, dare I say it,  _ moony _ ."

"He wasn't-"

"He was," Peter interrupted, glancing at Remus only to silence him. "And he was looking at you, only you. Not me, not both of us. Anyway, we sat down, and he'd volunteered to help out teaching the younger kids seeing as he was going it in college. I don't remember what scene they were acting..." He shook his head. "But anyway! He was... he was so in his element. So in the zone and focused, and he always lit up when he performed. Do you remember the one day we saw each other away from camp, when James's parents took us to see Sirius perform in Hairspray because his own family wouldn't go and see him? I remember what he looked like then. So, so free and happy. Well, when you watched him perform at camp, and in Hairspray, and any other time he'd recite monologues, you got this... look. You looked in awe. You never took your eyes off of him. And well, that's when I realised." Peter shrugged, standing upright and looking at Remus with a look that he couldn't decipher.

"W-w-what did you realise?" Remus panicked, his throat tight and constricting, like he didn't already know what Peter meant.

"That's when I realised you were in love with him," Peter smiled.

Remus dropped the twig he was playing with in his hands, and his jaw dropped. 

"Peter..." Remus tried to say something, anything, but just ended up training off, his panic building in his chest and coursing through his blood. 

Peter knew.

Peter fucking knew!

And he'd known for eleven years!

"I also realised you'd been in love with him for a while. And I realised when he came back that you still are. Yes?"

"Yes," He choked out, tears building on his water line, his shoulders dropping as a strange form of tension lifted from him. "Yes, I am."

"Well then," Peter grinned, patting Remus on the back once, before picking up even more wood and carrying on. "What are you going to do about it?"

___

_ Nothing _ , Remus told himself for the trillionth time that day,  _ I'm not going to do anything.  _

Peter knew better than to pressure Remus into something, and he's dropped the topic as soon as it seemed that Remus was adamant on keeping quiet about his feelings for Sirius. They'd built the rest of the den in calm, non-invasive conversations, and did the same for both afternoon activity slots. 

Dinner was a peaceful affair, and Remus spent the time eating, staring at Sirius as he told stories from the afternoon, and repeating those same words over and over.  _ I'm not going to do anything. _

They ate dinner fast, and made their way back to the cabin, children in tow. 

"Kids, listen up!" Sirius shouted with a smile once all the boys were back in their room. "The drill is the same as last week, okay? All your washing is in that pile on the floor, so you need to sort through that, fold it up and pop it back away. Give your shoes a quick clean over, brush any crumbs from your bed, and then someone needs to hoover as best as they can. Also, the bathroom needs doing. The cleaning stuff is in there but don't worry about mopping, Rem or I will come and do that once we're finished in our room, just come and knock to let us know when you're done. Just give the sinks and mirrors a good wipe down, and make everything look a bit tidier, alright? Both me and Remus will be in our room, tidying ourselves, so don't think that we're getting out of it too," Sirius laughed. "If you need us, just knock, okay?"

The boys agreed - a little begrudgingly, but agreed nonetheless - and Remus and Sirius made their way back to their own room.

"Ugh," Sirius huffed, closing the door and leaning against it, rubbing his hand over his face, "Some peace and bloody quiet. I'm exhausted."

"Me too." Remus went straight over to his bed, beginning to straighten out his duvet and fluff up his pillows. "You know, tomorrow... what do you have planned?"

"Sign again, I think. Too tired to do anything else."

"How about we change it?"

"To what?" Sirius asked, pushing himself from the door and shuffling over to his side of the room. He lifted his bag onto the bed, and flopped down crossed legged beside it. Sirius began rifling through, pulling clothes out to refold them. 

"Weather's meant to be good tomorrow-"

"We said that last time we planned something out."

"So," Remus continued, ignoring Sirius and clearing off the chocolate wrappers from his side table, "What if we just did some lawn games?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, pulling out a t-shirt and promptly chucking it to the floor.

"They must still have all those games, right? The giant snakes and ladders, the long slip N slide, all the things like that. We just get those out, and set them up on the bit of grass by the sand, near the river. People can just dip in and out of games as they like, and we just have a chilled day? James isn't on anything like sailing tomorrow, because the Prewetts are doing climbing and they don't like having multiple 'high intensity' activities on at once just in case of more injuries. Sound like a plan?" Remus asked, smiling hopefully at Sirius.

"Sounds like a bloody plan!" Sirius beamed, jumping a little on the bed and sending his bag tumbling onto the floor. The content emptied out, with clothes, body wash and all sorts strewn across the floor between both of their beds. "Oh for fucks sake," He grumbled, "I'd almost finished as well."

"Come on, I'll help you." Remus moved to the other side of the bed and crouched down, beginning to pick up the shirts and shorts and fold them, before placing them on Sirius's unmade bed. Sirius quickly jumped down to help, and they, still laughing at Sirius's clumsiness rather than Remus's for once, carried on clearing up.

Remus picked up Sirius's pair of patch pants and smiled fondly, remembering which of the badges he, Peter or James got him. One of them was the camp logo, all worn and a little faded that Sirius had bought on their last day at the camp gift shop. He placed them on the bed, along with some more t-shirt, a bottle of deodorant, and a pair of criminally small denim shorts. 

He picked up another top, one from a band he'd never heard of, and looked far to metal for him, and saw Sirius's wallet underneath it. 

"Ah, Rem-"

It had fallen open when it came from his bag, and showed two pictures on either side. Remus picked it up and couldn't help but look, intrigued. On the right side showed Sirius with a younger boy who Remus recognised as Regulus - even if he hadn't seen him since he was twelve. He was different, however. Older, of course. But he was pale, deathly pale, even more so for the pair of them who were often as white as a sheet. His hair looked thinner, his eyes more sunken, and smile weak. Remus guessed it was from a time when Regulus was ill.

On the left was a picture he recognised well, and sent a pang of pain to his chest. Sirius had his arm wrapped around a young Remus's shoulder, his eyes hidden by a mop of brown curls, a bright blush on his cheeks and nose. He was smiling brightly, however, with wonky teeth and blue braces, and had a baggy t-shirt (it was Sirius's, Remus could recall) slipping from his shoulders. Sirius was grinning too, pressed close to Remus, clinging onto him as though his life depended on it. The sky behind them was dark, the exposure was odd, it was a little blurry, not to mention the picture itself was old, tattered in the corners and fading a little, but perfect nonetheless. 

"I remember when this was," Remus smiled quietly, more to himself than Sirius. "Peter took it with that crappy instant picture camera when we were... 13, I think?"

"Yeah," Sirius murmured meekly. 

"I have the one before it in-oh, hang on!" Remus lept back up to his feet, reached for his own wallet on his bedside table, before flopping to the floor. He rubbed his thumb over the soft leather before flipping it open. There laid a similar picture, with the same young boys. Remus was facing forwards, beaming brightly at the camera, but with no blush on his cheeks. This time it was Sirius with the pink face (far less splotchy than Remus's blush) while he looked at his friend. They weren't yet hugging - Remus remembered that as soon at this picture was taken, Sirius had wrapped his arms tightly around him just as Peter took the second.

"I didn't realise you still had your picture," Remus continued, glancing up to Sirius, struggling to tear his eyes away from the picture he'd tried ignoring for years. "It took ages to get them taken. We couldn't stop laughing, and James kept jumping in."

"I didn't think you'd still have yours," Sirius admitted with a shrug.

"I almost didn't."

"Huh?"

"I almost got rid of it," Remus said. "Took it out of my wallet, took it to the bin, and couldn't go through with it. I put it back in and just kinda pretended I didn't have it, you know?"

"I wish I called you, Rem, I really do!" Sirius babbled out of the blue, "I wanted to, but-"

"I get it. Reg came first. You did what you could to help him. That's okay."

"I shouldn't have left you in the dark! I should have told you what was going on!"

"No, Sirius, you didn't!"  _ Yes, you did _ . "It's fine, it's okay."  _ Even if you hurt me. _ "You're here now, and that's all that matters." _ Even if it's ten years too late. _

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a small knock on the door. Remus, standing up to answer it, quickly slipped his fingers through Sirius's soft hair, and the older man seemed to relax a little at the touch.

"Heya, Ron," Remus smiled at the boy once he'd opened the door. "You alright?"

"Mhm! We still gotta hoover, but the bathrooms' done now. Just needs mopping," He explained. Remus couldn't help but noticed how his clothes were drenched with water and how there were wet footprints on the carpet, along with the excessive amounts of laughter coming from further down the corridor.

He smiled. "Alright, kid, I'll be over to do that in a moment, and then we can get some hot chocolate before bed. Head on back to your room and finish up, okay."

Ron, with a nod, ran back down the corridor, laughing on the way as Harry greeted him at the bedroom door.

Remus turned around and leant on the doorway to stare at Sirius, crossed-legged on the floor, surrounded by strewn clothes and clutching his wallet to his chest.

"I know I've not said it much," He began a little stiffly, "But I really have missed you, Padfoot. More than you could ever know."  _ A lot more than you could ever know. _

"I've missed you too, Rem." Sirius smiled, before laughing a little, "Now, go and mop that bathroom before they flood the damn place! I'll clean up in here for you, don't worry."

"Thanks, Pads."

"You're welcome, Moony," He grinned, and all seemed to settle once more.


	9. Ataraxia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus overcomes some anxieties, and some more seem to arise. Harry's clumsy, but everyone knew that.
> 
> Ataraxia  
> [noun]  
> at-uh-rak-see-uh
> 
> a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquillity.

Remus tucked his hands behind his head and settled further on the grass, slowly closing his eyes and breathing a sigh of relief.  _ This is nice. This is calm. _ It was the first time in the thirteen days of camp that Remus hadn't had to do  _ anything _ , not a thing, other than to sit back, relax, and let the world pass him by. Hot rays of sun beamed down onto him, causing his skin to shine and redden, a thin sheen of sweat coating him. He thought for a moment, insecurities be damned, about taking his shirt off, but eventually decided against it. His curls flattened to his forehead under the heat, while the rest of his hair frizzed up in a decidedly unattractive way. Every few minutes, Remus would move his arms from behind his head, using a back of a hand to push away the damp curls, only to be doing it again in five minutes. 

Remus might have been calm and relaxed, but everyone around him was not. He could hear laughter and squeals from all over - some from the bank only a few paces away, where Remus knew people were playing on the Slip N Slide, and some from the field behind him where people were playing Capture The Flag. The shouting was loud, of course, but bought comfort to Remus that couldn't be explained. Among the yelling, he could hear James encouraging the children, Peter reminding everyone to drink, and Harry and his friends laughing along with everyone else. 

There was suddenly a weight on his chest, hard and heavy. He opened his eyes, blinking and squinting now that the summer sun as low enough to shine right in his eyes, and looked to his chest. Laying on him was Sirius's head, his cheek pressed to Remus's t-shirt, the rest of his body sprawled out perpendicular to his. Sirius was smiling up at him, with wide eyes and a toothy grin that had Remus smiling too. He'd taken his shirt off (if Sirius could feel his breath catching in his chest, well, he'd deny it instantly) and his hair was up in a messy bun, damp with sweat and water from an earlier water fight that morning. His face was shiny, cheeks bright red, and he was panting.

"Ello, Moonshine!" Sirius beamed, before rolling over, now pressing the back of his head into Remus's stomach. He sprawled his arms and legs out, looking like a washed-up starfish. 

Remus was usually all for closeness with Sirius, but, "Pads, you're all hot and sweaty. Gerrof!" He laughed, nudging Sirius lightly.

"You're comfy, and of course I'm sweaty! It's bloody warm."

"Firstly, you were saying only ten days ago that it wasn't that hot here. And secondly, I'm not that hot and bothered. Why are you so worn out?"

"I'm sure I could get you  _ plenty  _ hot and bothered," Sirius tried to flirt, but was too preoccupied in still trying to catch his breath. "I was showing the kids how to play Capture The Flag. I guess I got too into it!"

"I can tell," Remus grumbled, "You're making me even warmer now."

"Hmm..." Sirius scrunched his face up, thinking for a moment, before shooting upright and leaping to his feet. Remus sucked in a breath, able to breathe better without Sirius pressing onto his stomach, and leant back on his elbows as Sirius smiled down to him. He pulled his hair from the bobble holding it out of his face, and shook it out in a way that Remus really shouldn't have found attractive, but did. "Guess I'll just have to cool off then!"

"Pads?" Remus asked, startled by how Sirius started pulling down his shorts, "Pads, you cant-!"

"Relax, Moony!" He laughed, pulling them down enough that Remus could swim trunks.

"I-I just didn't think you'd be s-so eager to get undressed in front of me, a-a-at least in front of everyone else," Remus stammered, red in the face, but smirking when Sirius froze and blushed. He didn't say anything, just dropped his shorts to his ankles, stepped out of them, and took off running towards the river. Before Remus could shout for him again, Sirius was leaping into the water, creating a massive splash as he did. Squealing at the coldness of the river, Sirius dunked his head underneath the water. He came back up, flipping his hair up and over, before slipping a hand through it, and Remus couldn't tear his eyes away. Sirius was dripping wet, shirtless, hair shining and clinging to his back as he smiled over at Remus, and it was like the universe was testing his fucking patience. It was wearing thin, that was for sure.

"Oi!" James shouted from behind Remus. "At least let us join in!"

A figure dashed past, and Remus could see James trying to pull his shirt off, stumbling as it got caught in front of his eyes. Finally, just as he reached the edge of the water, he tugged it off, chucked it to the sand, and dived in beside Sirius. He did the same, emerging from the water with a shake of his hair, and pulling Sirius into a friendly headlock. 

It was a chain reaction from then on, as kids of all ages ran in after them, some pulling off shirts, other diving in with shorts and dresses and hats still on, and they began splashing in the water. There was laughter, chatting, splashing, and all about appreciation for the coldness that the water bought.

"You coming in?" Peter asked, standing beside Remus who'd not moved an inch in the chaos.

Remus snorted, "Hell no. Not when Pads is in there! It's cursed!"

"Suit yourself," He laughed, before walking over to the water, toeing off his shoes on the way and stepping in. Harry instantly splashed him, and the two, quickly joined by the twins, Tonks, and James, began a water fight.

"Not getting in, Moons?" Sirius shouted over to Remus on the grass.

"Not a chance in hell, Padfoot!"

"Oh, come on, Rem!" James then shouted, before guttering as his son pushed a load of water his way and into his mouth.

"Yeah! Come on, Uncle Moony!"

"Remus, come on!"

"Get in!"

"It's so cold!"

"I'm not getting in, guys," Remus said firmly, but smiling. "Not happening."

"Alright," Sirius grumbled, before beginning to step out of the lake.

"Doesn't mean you need to get out, Sirius!"

"I'm not leaving my Moonlight on his own, okay?" 

_ My Moonlight... _

"Seriously, Sirius-"

"Ha!"

"You can go back in! Harry's there! You can play Shoulder Wars with him."

"I'm good!" Sirius said, just as he reached Remus's feet, "I wanna be with you anyways."

Remus smiled up at Sirius, before making the mistake of glancing over to James. Prongs and Wormy were next to one another, looking far too smug and laughing, then Remus felt hands on his waist.

"Padfoot!" He screeched, high pitched and undignified as Sirius hoisted him up and threw him over his shoulder. 

"You're coming in Moony! None of this curse business!"

"If I get bitten again, you asshole!"

"You won't!" Sirius laughed, gripping onto Remus's thighs and running towards the water. Remus, swinging ungracefully over his friend's shoulder, slapped Sirius's back, his arse, his shoulders and whatever else he could hit, trying to kick his legs and get down! Sirius's grip tightened, digging his fingertips into Remus's thighs, and Remus was left flailing only his calves and feet.

Remus got down, eventually, as he was very much thrown into the river, his back smacking and breaking the surface of the water, his head slipping under. He shot up, coughing up water and glaring at Sirius.

"You- You!" He huffed, trying not to swear in front of around 25 kids, who found the whole thing hysterical. Ultimately, he resorted to storming over to Sirius instead, who was now in the water and laughing with Jamie. "Padfoot!" 

"S-Sorry Moony! But that was so funny!"

"It was not, you idiot!" Remus pushed Sirius, sending him backwards and slipping on the wet river floor, but both were laughing nonetheless. It was welcoming, really, the cold. The water came to Remus's chest, despite only coming to about Sirius's midriff, and the small splashed on his face from everyone moving about cooled him down quickly. He took his feet off the ground and floated around comfortably as Sirius walked to beside him. 

"Feels nice, huh?" He smirked, and Remus gave another half-hearted glare, not able to quell his snickering.

"Does not give you the right to chuck me in!" Remus hissed, squeezing his eyes shut, because he really couldn't stand looking at a shirtless, wet, smirking Sirius any longer. It didn't last long, however, as Remus heard a wheeze coming from beside him, and he stood up and opened his eyes to pay attention to the noise.

Peter was doubled over in the water, tears rolling down his cheeks as he cried with laughter, pointing at Remus with a shaky finger.

"Oh, yeah," Remus rolled his eyes, "Thanks for the support, Wormy!"

"N-n-n-no p-problem!" Pete cackled, now laughing harder and throwing his head back. "Y-your face, Moons! It w-was so f-f-fun-ny!" He hiccupped, now clutching onto Sirius and James, who'd cracked up laughing once more.

"Yeah, this is what it always looks like, you ba-"

"Uncle Rem!"

"Harry!" Remus, thankfully not finishing off his previous sentence, turned to grin down at his nephew, who had his arm linked with Ron on his right, and a reluctant looking Draco on his left. 

"Are we allowed to play Chicken?!"

"Hm..." Remus pretended to think, and looked over to James. "I dunno... Dad,  _ is  _ he allowed to play?"

"Please, Dad!"

"Yeah, please James!" 

"Alright, alright!" Jamie laughed, moving past Sirius and placing a hand on Harry's shoulder. "As long as you guys are safe, then you can! But I've got to stand and watch, okay, just in case."

"Okay!"

Remus watched as Draco got onto Harry's shoulders, and Ron got onto Nevilles. A few moments later, and they stumbled towards one another, grabbing and laughing and shouting as they did. James went to the other side of the river, rolling his eyes as he saw his son and his friends roughhousing, and Peter slowly made his way over to join him.

All the other kids laughed and played their own games. Some emerged from the water, shaking themselves a little dryer, and carrying on with previous games they were playing before Sirius jumped in. 

"Ten quid says Ron's gonna be the first to get hurt," Sirius whispered, wrapping an arm around his waist and keeping his lips far too close to Remus's ear.

"Yeah, not happening, Pads. And for the record, I think it'll be Harry."

"Who's doing first aid?"

"You can!" Remus laughed, nudging him and stepping slightly to the side, away from Sirius's touch. The dark-haired man dropped his arm and seemed to frown for a moment. "Everyone's in the water because of you, you know! So you can sort out any injuries!"

"I just thought you'd want to see me all wet and dripping," Sirius teased, winking at Remus overdramatically and slinging an arm over his shoulders. 

"You wish..." Remus huffed. He looked away and back to the boys, just in time to see Harry go falling forwards, arms flailing and a shrill shriek piercing the air.

___

"Okay, has everyone got everything? Jacket, good shoes, water bottles filled up, sweets if you want them?" Sirius asked the crowd of boys outside of the cabin. There was a loud, collective agreement from the boys, who nodded happily to Sirius. 

Remus made his way from the front beside his friend, to the back, and pulled Harry aside. 

"Heya, Prongslet. You feeling okay? We can stay here if you want to?" Remus checked, rubbing a thumb over the cut and bruise on the boy's forehead.

"No, Remy, I'm okay!" He laughed, "Anyway, Draco wants to show me and Ron all the different stars and contell- uh, constellations! That's it! I love going on night hikes!"

"I know, love. I'm just worried about your head, Haz."

"I'm fine! It doesn't hurt anymore, and I'll be left with this wicked scar, dad said! Shaped like lightning!"

"Oh, I knew he'd say that..." Remus muttered, causing Harry to giggle. "Your mum's going to kill me, though!"

"Or Uncle Pads! You  _ did  _ keep saying it was his idea, after all!" 

"Well, yes, but we don't want your mother to hate Sirius before they've met, do we?" He smiled at the boy and ruffled his hair. "Okay then, but the second you feel dizzy, you come and tell Sirius or me, right? And one of us can bring you right back."

"I will, Uncle Moony!"

"Good kid!"

Remus headed back over to Sirius, who'd finished rounding up the boys. They joined up with the other campers in the centre of the field, until 100 or so kids were in a giant crowd. The councillors stayed with their cabins, and the whole camp were lead by the groundskeeper. He was a tall, stocky man with a matted mess of hair and beard, and gripping a torch tightly in one hand. He guided the group to the end of the field and through the gap between the trees. The headed right, as opposed to when they'd head left towards the beach, and were soon following an overcrowded trail through the woods. 

Cabin one seemed to fall to the back, as they had the week before, with the girls, along with James and Peter, in front. The boys were further behind; Sirius and Remus were at the back. They were able to look over all the heads in front of them, which landed them on first aid duty. Again.

"Here, let me take that," Sirius offered as Remus shrugged the backpack straps up his shoulders for the umpteenth time. "It looks heavy."

"Just because I am small," Remus guffawed, "Does not mean I'm weak. I am perfectly capable of carrying a bag full of bandages."

"Rem, I picked you up and threw you over my shoulder earlier as if you were a pillow. Just give me the bag."

One look to his friend showed Remus he wasn't budging, and Sirius had already planted his feet firmly on the uneven ground, arms outstretched. Accepting defeat, Remus shimmied the bag down his arms and passed it to Sirius, grumbling as he did. Sirius slung it over one arm, and looked over to the crowd that was in front of them. 

"Come on, we better catch up," He grinned, snatching Remus's hand and setting them off on a quick pace that Remus could hardly keep up with. Eventually, they were back behind the boys, following along with the rest of the camp.

The pair walked in silence, content with listening to the boy's chatter in front, and the slight rustle of the trees. It was horribly calm, far different from the chaotic nature of the camp as a whole, or even just that afternoon. It has Remus's chest tightening, his head spinning a little, and he had to glare at the ground just to stay focused on it and not fall over. It was the kind of calm that had Remus on edge, like it was all too perfect and something was bound to go wrong. It felt, in a way, like their last night back in 2009.

"You alright?"

"Huh?" Remus shook his head, slowly torn away from his odd thoughts. He felt a hand squeeze his, and looked down to see that Sirius was still holding onto him. "Oh, uh, yeah-"

"Are you sure? You've gone all pale, and I just talked to you for about five minutes, and you said nothing," Sirius snickered, half-hearted and more worried than anything. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Come on, let's keep going. Now, what were you trying to talk to me about?"

"We come out, go up the hill, and walk along that route, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"Do you remember when we last went up there?" Sirius asked with a smile.

Of course, Remus did. It was four days before the end of camp, and he, Sirius, James and Peter all went on the night hike together. Their councillors stayed a little behind, just as Sirius and Remus were doing with their own campers now. It was a clear night, and the stars shone brighter than Remus had ever seen before.

"James and Peter went on ahead, right? Caught up with McGonagall at the front?" Remus asked, hoping he was remembering correctly. 

"Yeah, they did. Ended up getting in a fight with the girls, didn't they? Mar... mar-"

"Marlene?"

"Yeah, that's her!" Sirius snickered, "And you and I stayed back."

"I bought hot chocolate," Remus remembered fondly.

"In that massive flask you always 'borrowed' from the kitchens."

"You guys always did think I was weird for that."

"Adorable," Sirius corrected, "I thought it was positively adorable."

"We had to stop for a bit, right?" Remus shrugged off the compliment.

"Mhm. At the top of the hill. James's nose was bleeding."

"Ah, yes. So we sat on that rock up there and had biscuits and hot drinks, and you showed me the stars."

"We did."

They kept walking, Remus tripping more times than he'd liked to admit, only keeping upright as Sirius still had a hold of his hand. The boys seemed content, and none had asked for their attention thus far. Neville, Dean and Seamus were a little further forward, joking and laughing between them, sometimes grabbing the attention from the people ahead. James and Peter would chip into their conversation sometimes, as would Pansy who was walking with them. Behind the six of them, and in front of Remus and Sirius, was Harry, Draco and Ron. Draco was pointing up to the sky and shaking his head.

"When we get up to that hill, and the trees aren't towering over us," Harry said, "You can show us! It won't be long until-"

"There!" Ron shouted, mouth full of... food of some description. "They're all walking up now!"

The edge of the forest could be seen, and Remus watched as the groups in front began to walk up the hill. The hill wasn't terribly high, was wider than it was tall, and was now the temporary home to the campers. At the top, everyone was taking coats off and laying them down, sitting on them rather than the grass. They huddled up in their groups, not particularly for warmth (even though British summers by the coast left something to be desired in the way of heat) but for comfort. James and Peter sat down with the Prewett twins, and the Weasley twins, and the latter of the pair gave Sirius and Remus a friendly wave.

"Come sit, Moons," Sirius grinned, now sat on the rock they were previously walking about. He patted the rock a couple of times, and Remus, with an eye roll and shake of his head, smiled and took a seat. "This is nice."

"It is," Remus muttered, looking up to the sky. 

It was dark, but not black. The sky was a gorgeous, deep shade of indigo, a touch lighter towards the horizon. White pinprick stars in the sky shone brightly, along with the Waxing Gibbous moon, high up and beaming. The camp could be seen to the left - Remus could only make out a faint outline, and a couple of the cabins that could be seen from beyond the trees, but it was definitely their camp. Right ahead of them was more of the forest stretching out, and beyond that was the sea. The beach was not far past that line of trees, only just hidden from the leaves and shrubs within the woods. To the left, the field stretched on, with a few more hills and the odd tree in the centre. The trees rustled lightly in the breeze, and Remus shivered as the cold wind brushed against his nape. He tugged his hoodie closer to him and hugged himself tightly. 

"How the hell was it so warm this morning, and yet so cold now," Remus grumbled, mostly to himself. 

"Want my jacket?" Sirius offered, bringing his hands up, ready to take off his leather jacket as soon as Remus said the word.

"Nah, I'm okay. Thanks, though."

"And it's cold because it's England."

"Can you tell me about when you were travelling?" Remus asked suddenly, unaware of why he was asking. He didn't want to particularly be reminded of how Sirius left, but he needed to wrap his head around it soon enough. 

Sirius looked at him, a little jaw dropped, before smiling and looking up to the stars. A laugh came from just in front of them, and Remus saw Ron, Draco, Hermione, Harry and Pansy on their backs, each pointing at the sky and Draco telling them all about the stars.

"So," Sirius sighed, "What do you wanna know?"

"What was your favourite place you visited?"

"Well, that depends. Favourite country was Italy, that's for sure. The history was fascinating... but if we're getting specific, then I knew exactly where."

"Where?"

"I went to Corfu for a week and a half, travelling across the whole island. Never wanted to stay in a place for longer than a day, you get me? Well, It was my last night there before I went back over to mainland Greece, and I ended up in this - well, it wasn't even a town - place called Sidari. Right on the North of the island. My the edge of the village was this rock formation that kinda jutted out to the sea called Canal D'Amour. I was booked into a hotel for the night, but went out for drinks at this bar. I went for a walk afterwards, and ended up by the cliffs. It was... gorgeous. It was so stunning, Rem," He gushed to the sky, squeezing Remus's hand that was still in his. "It looked over the sea, and it was so calm, and the moon and stars were so bright. I... I loved it." 

"It sounds wonderful," Remus smiled, genuine, but with a horrible taste in the back of his throat. His stomach churned, and he had to look away from Sirius and up to the sky. "Can you tell me more?" He asked. He gritted his teeth.

"Of course! Well, there was the weekend I spent in Amsterdam, where..."


	10. Philocalist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James can't make riddles, Remus needs to get over himself, and Sirius find beauty in freckles like the stars.
> 
> Philocalist  
> [noun]  
> FILL-oh-CAL-ist
> 
> a lover of beauty; someone who finds and appreciates beauty in all things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 is doing a strange thing with italics and adding extra spaces - but I am far too lazy to change this! I hope it doesn't bother anyone too much <3  
> Writing has been slow for the last few days - my mind is really focusing on my university application. But I think I've got it done, and can crack down on getting the last few chapters written before December, even if they aren't posted until a little later on! <3
> 
> Love you all, health and happiness to each and everyone one of you :)

Remus tugged his t-shirt on with a huff, ruffling his hair and reaching to grab his phone from his bedside table.

"Are you alright?" Sirius muttered from his bed, pulling on his socks and yawning as he did.

"Mhm."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"Because-"

"I'm fine," Remus interrupted, "I'm fine."

"You've been weird since you woke up," Sirius said, voice not readable but his eyes narrowing in on Remus. "I'm just worried about you."

Of course, he'd been weird. If his white knuckles and fingernails digging into his palms was anything to go by, he was more than weird; he was seething. It had taken laying in bed last night, staring up at the ceiling in the dark and listening to Sirius's calm, rhythmic breathing to realise he was _angry_ . Angry at himself for not saying what he'd wanted, angry at Sirius for thinking he could turn up and pretend nothing happened, angry at James and Peter for so readily accepting him back. Just _angry_.

He didn't want to be, of course. The evening before had been pleasant, hearing about Sirius's adventures, all his travelling, stories of him and his brother when he returned home. But hearing that seemed to set off something. Something he'd known was there since the moment Sirius reemerged in his life. It was like a ticking time bomb of multiplying anger, frothing and boiling and bubbling over, but he wouldn't snap. He couldn't. Not now they were working together, now that they were finally back in each others lives, and not with Harry and James and Peter and Regulus and Lily hanging in the balance of it all. No. Remus needed to keep his cool, keep a distance, plaster on a smile and carry on as before.

So he did just that.

"I'm skipping breakfast today," Remus smiled, far too falsely, and he knew that Sirius knew it was overdramatic. He'd learnt it from Sirius, after all. "I have to set up for my activity. I'll see you later." Turning on his heel, Remus snatched his backpack from his bed and left the room, closing the door and ignoring any shouts and pleas from Sirius. 

Setting up wouldn't take him the full hour of breakfast. It would hardly have taken him twenty minutes. He needed the time to himself, however, and so set up by taking a calm, slow stroll around the forest of the camp. The activity was, calming, nothing too taxing and one that everyone would enjoy. He went to all the prominent parts of the grounds setting up - the campfire pit; the strange ruins in the middle of the woods; the sailing shed; the main hall; there were around fifteen places in total that Remus went to, hiding the things for that day, before he went to his usual spot. 

He waited by the edge of the forest for the campers to gather about after breakfast. All of them were jittery and excited, hopping from one foot to another, eager to get started. It was a good group, Remus thought. There was Ron and Hermione, Tonks, Fred, George, Oliver and Percy. Not too many, but just the right amount for Remus to stay entertained, and not want to pull his hair out.

"Alright, nothing too difficult today because I'm tired," Remus said with a weary smile.

"Yeah, you look it!"

"Oh, thanks for the support there, Ron!" He laughed, pulling an envelope from his pocket. "What you'll have to do today is track down 15 of these envelopes. This one has a clue inside, which will take you to the next one. That clue will take you somewhere else, then so on and so on. There may or may not be a prize at the end if you get to the last one, I should let you know," He teased, to everyone's excitement. "So, if I give this to... Fred, and George, of course, he can read it out, and you can get going. If you get really, _really_ stuck, you can ask me, but I'm sure you'll manage it in no time." Remus gave the envelope to Fred, who opened it and held it out so he and his brother could read it."

_"I am always hungry."_

_"I must be fed."_

_"Whatever I touch..."_

_"Will soon turn red."_

_"What am I?_ Well, I don't have a clue!" Fred grumbled with a snicker.

"So, where are we going?" Ron asked with a snort.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's obvious, isn't it?"

"Uh... no, not really."

" _Whatever I touch will soon turn red_. So, a fire. Its the campfire, of course!"

"You know what," Oliver chirped up, "I think she's right. The quickest way is through there, right?" He pointed at a nearby opening into the forest, and Percy nodded.

"Yes, it would only take us a moment to get there."

"Well, come on then, slowpokes! Hurry up!" Tonks winked, before running off into the trees. Ron ran right after her, followed by Hermione and the twins. Oliver tried running, dragging Percy along with him, to no avail and settled to walking with Remus. 

They headed down the path - that was less a path, and more a trail that had been laid out through years of people walking there - until they got to the fire pit. There, George was holding a new envelope, waving it about and grinning.

"Well go on," Remus encouraged, stopping a few feet away from the group. "Open it up!"

" _This wall was fixed in the past. You don't want to escape, or you'll have an angry Scottish lady after you. Trust me, some of us know from experience._ What the heck? That makes no sense, Remus!"

"Don't blame me," Remus laughed, "James wrote that one! And, well, he's not the best at riddles. Clearly..."

"I have no clue. There aren't any walls here, as far as I know, other than the hall," Percy said with a shrug, looking to Oliver for help. Judging by the odd look on his face, he didn't know either. "I mean, _angry Scottish lady_ is McGonagall, right? But what does a wall have to do with it? Anyone?"

"I don't really know this place well enough yet," Hermione admitted.

Ron nodded in agreement. "Nor me. I don't know what they're even on about, let alone where it is!"

"We've been here for three years, and we don't know!" The twins - well, one of them - offered.

They stood for a moment, kicking the ground and thinking, and Tonks took the sheet from George's hand.

"Wait a moment... I think I know where this is!" She said, a bit of confusion laced amongst the excitement in her voice.

"Where?"

"There's a wall that runs around here, right, way into the woods. It's not that tall, but it's meant to stop people from, like, leaving. It wasn't so short that people could just jump onto though, that's the main thing. Well, I remember hearing that there used to be a bit of the wall taken out, or knocked out, and people could get over it. No-one dared to try and jump over it, because McGonagall would slaughter anyone who did!" Tonks laughed.

"But someone did?"

"Yup! Before I came here, so a while ago! Well, they got over, the wall was patched up, and that was that. But apparently, these kids had McGonagall chasing them about! Not a clue where it was though. I thought it was just some rumour."

"Wait, experience?" George questioned, before looking up to Remus with bright eyes. "No way! It wasn't you, was it?!"

"Not really, but I know who it was. Now come on, follow me and I'll tell you about it on the way there."

They went straight on past the campfire, tripping over tree-roots and slipping on mud as they went deeper and deeper into the forest. 

"So," Tonks prompted, "Tell us what happened!"

"Right, right," Remus smiled, shaking his head. "So, it was me, Sirius, James and Peter. We were... sixteen at the time, I think? It was the last week of camp, and I was on crutches. Dumb move to stay, I know. But anyway," He dismissed, "So we reached the wall that you'll see about.... now."

Remus pushed a branch just out of the way to show a stone wall that came to about his own height. It was covered in moss and had a few loose stones. Beyond the wall was a grove, not the overgrown forest they were currently in. "Now, follow the wall along left, and there'll be a load of stones that are a lot paler and look really new. Well, we got to the wall, with difficulty, mind you, and followed it up. We got to the hole in the wall, and Harry's dad, James, had a genius idea. 'Let's go into the grove and set up some rope swing' he said." Remus mocked sarcastically with an awful impression of James, which all of the children found entertaining. "James helped a then short Peter over the wall, before jumping over himself. Sirius tried to help me, a small, five foot three boy in a cast and crutches, over the wall, when we heard a shout. And I mean a bloody angry one. Sirius, the tos- total idiot, _drops me_ and runs away!" 

Ron heaved with laughter, and Tonks, Fred and George had to grab onto the wall as they doubled over, tears at the corners of their eyes. 

"S-so then what?" Percy asked, trying to stifle his laughter and pulling along a hysterical Oliver. 

"Well, the shouting was McGonagall, of course! She didn't bother going after Sirius because he was still in the grounds, looked at me on the floor and did nothing but give a tut, before going over the wall to shout and James and Pete!"

"So it was them that McGonagall chased after?!" Tonks asked, tripping over a root and grabbing onto the twins to stay upright. 

"It was."

"What happened to them?"

"Nothing too bad," Remus smiled, everyone slowly calming down from the laughter, "I mean, they were allowed to come back as councillors, and James's kid's allowed here. Honestly, and don't tell McGonagall or the boys this, but I think she just has a soft spot for us all!"

They kept walking, and eventually came to the part of the wall Remus was talking about. It was clearly newer, not a weathered down or mossy, and poking out of a gap between the stones was an envelope. This time, Oliver pulled it out, opening it up and reading what was inside.

" _What always runs but never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats? Hint - Remus doesn't like it._ So, Remus, what don't you like?" Oliver smirked.

"Nice try, kid, but not happening."

"You don't like us talking at night," Ron snickered.

"Well, yes-"

"Socialising!" Fred piped up. "You're quieter than Sirius, that's for sure!"

"You aren't wrong, but-"

"You can't stand velvet," Tonks pointed out, "You said to us last week when we were doing crafts that the texture makes you feel weird!"

"I have a very valid reason for that!" He laughed, "Come on, guys, think about it! We don't have all day," Remus reminded with a small smile. 

"...ver..." Percy murmured, his hand pressed to his mouth as he was thinking.

Oliver turned to him, "What was that?"

"The river. You have a thing about the river, right? Sirius had to chuck you in," He said to Remus, an eyebrow raised.

"Well then," Remus rolled his eyes, "Better go and find out!"

Tonks, without another word, took off running, now with Percy fast on her heels. Everyone else followed, and Remus had to quicken his walk just so they kept in sight. 

One minute, it seemed everyone was only a few paces ahead. When Remus glanced down to the forest floor and looked up again, they seemed to be gone. They weren't lost, of course, they knew where they were going. Settling that tiny spike of anxiety, Remus continued to head out from within the trees. He reached the edge of the woods, and scanned over the field. 

In the centre were the Prewett twins, with Harry, Neville, Draco, and around ten other children from different years. They were playing some sort of sport, either rounders or baseball, Remus couldn't tell. Sirius was on the grass towards the back with a group of children sat around him. He was smiling wide, his hands moving about, clearly teaching more sign. James was over by the climbing wall, so Remus didn't bother looking for him, and Peter was doing fire lighting again further into the woods. The people he was actively looking for, however, were nowhere to be seen. There was no bright pink hair of Tonks, or snickering from the twins. He heard a shout, a burst of laughter, come from behind the far cabin by the river, echoing around the field.

With a roll of his eyes and a quiet laugh, Remus set off towards the river, a sigh of relief that everyone was safe. He was about halfway across the field when he heard a blaring shout from one of the other groups. Remus turned to look over, panic in his chest. Before he could register anything else, not even who shouted, a pounding agony shot through his head, and everything went black.

_If someone could stop that buzzing or whistling, that would be great._

"...mus? Rem? Moons, can you nod for me?"

Slowly, he blinked his eyes open, and saw two pairs of eyes staring down at him. One pair of eyes, bright green. _Really_ bright green. Startling, even.

"H-Haz?"

"Moony!" Harry shrieked, causing Remus to flinch. Was the kid always this loud? "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! I tried to call you, and-!"

"I-it's okay, I think," He laughed, trying nod his head a little. The pain in his head didn't worsen, at least, so that was a good sign. He hoped. "But, wait, what happened?"

The second pair of eyes, grey and belonging to Sirius, now that his hair had come into focus, blinked. 

"Rem, you just got whacked with a baseball. Do you not remember?" He panicked, chewing on a usually well-polished nail.

He could see now, Sirius and Harry were leaning over him. There was a whole crowd of people staring at him, from the group he was with, to the Prewett twins, to faces that he could barely recognise. 

"No, no, I remember," Remus reassured quietly, slowly sitting up. He pulled his knees to his chest and tried to rest his forehead on them, only to wince once again. He bought a hand to his left temple, and flinched once more. "Well, I heard someone shout and all that. I just didn't see what happened. Or what hit me."

"Turns out our nephew is good with a bat," Sirius laughed, placing a hand on the side of Remus's head. "Right, I'll sort you out at first aid, but you're not walking there."

"Pads-"

"No, no arguments. I'm picking you up, and I don't care," Sirius insisted. He then turned to the crowd around him. "Alright, guys, you can get back to what you were doing. You'll still have your little bug house guy when I'm done with him!" 

"Oi, not little. And I'm more than the 'bug house guy' I'll have you know. I do birdhouses too," He huffed with the quirk of his lips. Sirius tapped him on the end of his nose.

"Oh, yes, very big and tough!" The crowd behind them dispersed off with a few nervous faces among them, including Harry being led away by another councillor for the second years. Sirius smiled at Remus, before crouching down beside him. "Wrap your arms around my neck, okay?"

"I don't-"

"Rem, please?" Sirius pleaded, "You'll only end up worse for wear, and I really don't fancy a trip to A&E tonight."

Remus, with a final, pathetic huff of protest, bought his arms around Sirius's neck, careful not to tug at his head or get it caught in his bracelets. As he did this, Sirius used one hand to hold the back of Remus's knees, and the other to grab his back and waist. Sirius counted down, before lifting Remus up and standing upright. Sirius's face showed no sign of strain, and he, in fact, gave a little laugh.

"Damn, I need to get more food in you. You weigh practically nothing!"

"I eat plenty, thank you."

"Alright, alright, let's get you to first aid, grouchy."

Ignoring the looks from anyone around them, Sirius carried Remus across the field towards Undercrouch Hall. Remus buried his head into the crook of Sirius's neck, under the guise that he was hiding from the embarrassment. It was, however, the warmth of Sirius, the smell of his shampoo and the feel of his denim vest jacket that had Remus pressed close to him. Sirius held Remus a little closer when he saw this, but didn't say a thing. They - Sirius - kept walking, before heading through the main reception and into a small door on the left.

The room was dark, only lit by a dim overhead light, and smelt strangely of antibacterial spray and grass. There was some sort of cheap medical bed against one of the walls, another office chair beside it, and more cabinets, draws and shelves than Remus could count.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, gently lowering Remus onto the bed. Remus, once they had let go of one another and Sirius had taken a step back, swung his legs off to the side of the bed.

"Yes," He said, suddenly remembering his previous anger from the morning. Yes, Sirius was being nice, but that didn't negate how Remus was feeling, did it?

"Ah- alright," Sirius smiled tensely, clearly noticing the change in Remus's tone. He turned his back and started going through the cupboards. "I'll clean it up because there's a tiny cut there, then get you an ice pack. You feel dizzy or anything? Sick?"

"No. Just sore."

"Okay."

Sirius swung open the first cupboard and pulled out a small box of isopropyl wipes. He sat it on the counter before washing his hands and returning to them. Taking a small packet from the box, he ripped it open and took out the wipe, before unfolding it. 

"This might sting a bit," He said, returning to Remus's side. His left hand rested on Remus's cheek, while his right held the wipe and bought it to the cut. Sirius cleaning it up, far more gently than was needed, staring at Remus the whole time - who refused to look at him even once. The silence was painful, awkward and stretching. It was deafeningly quiet. Every now and then, Remus would part his lips to say something, anything, before closing his mouth once more. 

Sirius gave a last quick clean of the cut, before chucking the wipe into the bin beside the bed. Turning his back once more, he opened a cupboard under the countertop to reveal a fridge. He went in and pulled out a blue ice pack, moving and breaking up the ice crystals within it.

"It hurt," Remus murmured, unsure of where the words came from, hand grabbing the side of his head and wincing when Sirius came back over. He rubbed two fingers over the painful spot on his temple and felt a large lump, before frowning to himself. The dark-haired man sat on the bed beside him and gave him an amused, odd look.

"Well, of course, it did! You just got hit with a baseball, you-" 

"When you left." Remus finished. "It hurt when you left us. Left me." He whispered, not looking Sirius in the eye. 

A hand grabbed his wrist gently, Sirius pulling him away from clutching the bruise and replacing it with the ice pack, and Remus finally looked up at his friend. _Friend_. 

Sirius's eyes were glossy, his nose wrinkled, and he looked down. Remus could see how his shoulders tensed, and for a split second, he wondered if he should have kept his mouth shut. But no, He couldn't keep it to himself. Sure, emotions weren't his forte, exactly, but he couldn't keep simmering on this anger anymore.

"It hurt when I left you all," Sirius finally piped up, taking Remus's hand on his own, his other stayed holding the ice pack to Remus's head. The air felt thick, and he tried to take in a breath. "Left you, especially."

"Why me?" 

"You were special to me. _Are_ special to me. Always have been."

Remus choked, "Then why? W-why did you leave?"

"A lot of reasons," Sirius shrugged, "I really did want to travel. I'd have asked you to come with me if we weren't eighteen and you weren't off to uni."

"I'd have come with you."

"I know. It wasn't just that, though. I mean, it got me away from my family, which was good. I wasn't out yet, so it put off having to do the whole coming out thing. I don't know, it just seemed like the best option."

"I'm angry. I mean, I'm a lot of things, but I'm especially angry."

"Tell me why," Sirius whispered, "Tell me why so I can make it better."

"I-I'm angry that you left. I'm angry that you didn't tell us what was going on, or felt like you couldn't. I-" Remus scratched lightly at his wrists, unsure of what to do with his hands when Sirius was still holding him. "I'm hurt that you went through it alone, and that you didn't come straight to us when it was all over. I'm... confused as to why you came back after so long, why Peter and James so readily accepted you back, and why I did, too. I- I don't know, Sirius. I missed you, but I hated you for leaving for so long, and I'm just trying to not hate you again because that's the last thing I want. You meant everything to me, you know? More than James and Peter. T-t-that last night, when you said it was you and me? I believed it for a moment."

"It was true," Sirius insisted, dropping the ice pack to the floor and cupping Remus's face with both his hands. "It really was me and you, I promise. You know that last time I called you, and I said I had good news that I'd tell you when I next called? I'd heard about a flat that I had the money to get, just near you and I was going to move in. We'd have been right near each other, and I was so happy to think I'd be able to see you all the time."

"Then, Reg fell ill."

"Then he fell ill," He echoed. "I love you Remus, a lot, and I want to do whatever I can to make up for it all."

"You don't need to make up for anything, Pads," Remus said with a small smile, "It's just one of those things. Me being hurt or upset doesn't mean you were at fault. It just... a thing. I just need time to process your back and get over it. But don't think that you need to apologise for any of it, alright?"

"Are you sure?"

"Positively."

Sirius, dropping his hands, wrapped his arms around Remus's middle and leant against him. It was awkward with the height difference, but warm and soft and as right and Remus could ever have imagined. 

"Come on," Remus said, slipping his fingers through Sirius's hair, "We need to go back and find everyone, and I wanna see how bad this bump looks. How bad is it?" He asked as Sirius pulled away.

"It's, uh... fine?" He asked, gritted teeth and tense smile. Remus hopped up from the bed to look in the mirror on the door, while Sirius retrieved the abandoned ice pack from the floor.

"Oh god..." Remus ran his fingers over it, wincing as he did. There was a bump the size of a golf ball on his hairline above his temple, angry-looking and red. In only a few days, it would be a deep purple across the side of his head and above his brow, Remus was sure of it. "Ah, look at that," He chuckled, a little lacking, while Sirius put the ice pack back in the freezer.

"Hm? What's that, Moonpie?"

"Just another thing to add to the infinite list of insecurities," Remus smiled, looking over to Sirius in the mirror. What he saw, however, was Sirius stand upright, slam shut the door, and storm over until he was next to Remus.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right. Mind repeating that?" Sirius smiled sarcastically, standing behind Remus and resting his chin on his head. 

"A-another thing to add to the list of insecurities?"

"And would you," Sirius said, just as sickeningly sweet and sardonic, "Please tell me what exactly that list _is_ , my Moonlight?"

"Siri-"

"No, tell me."

"Well, if you insist," Remus huffed with a small laugh. "There's the hair, that's all _floofy_ and messy. My cheeks are always red, but in this weird... splotchy way, and I still have that overbite that those braces never fixed when I was little. I'm short, and anxious, and yeah, the list goes on," He finished with a shrug and grin.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. "Right, you're going to listen to me, and you're going to listen good." He pressed himself closer to Remus, his chest flush with his back, and held Remus's face with his hands once more. "You see this?"

"Huh?"

" _This..._ this is gorgeous. Every part of you is so unbelievably fucking lovely that I can't, hmph, I just _can't_ , okay? You- you radiate this pure beauty that lights up a bloody room. I smile just looking at you, and you're so perfect to me, Remus, you really are. I love your overbite, and all your freckles. I love your nose that you always claimed was too big for your face, and your thick, curly hair, and your gorgeous, _gorgeous_ eyes. You're small enough that I can hug you perfectly-" He timed this by moving his hands to wrap around Remus's waist, "-and you're funny and snarky and sarcastic. I love absolutely everything about you, okay, and I'll tell you every day until you believe me, alright?"

"Y-you've never- uh, you've never spoken like that before..." Remus faltered, tears welling up in his eyes and his throat constricting. His whole body felt warm, comfortable as he leant against Sirius's chest, and bought his hands to rest on top of Sirius's. Sirius looked at him in a way he hadn't seen since they were young, in the same way that Peter had described only a few days prior.

"Yeah, well," He shrugged, leaving it at that. "Come on, we really do need to go back to everyone now. You feeling okay?"

"Y-yeah, I think so," Remus said, blinking as he tried not to whimper at the thought of Sirius letting go of him.

"Come on then, my little moon, let's get going."

Sirius kissed the top of Remus's head, and ruffled his curly hair just briefly, before letting him go and stepping back.

"I-uh, yeah, let's go," Remus said, more to his jaw dropped reflection than to anyone else.


	11. Gezellig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys spend some time reminiscing over the past, and Peter gets some good news.
> 
> Gezellig  
> [noun]  
> ge‧zel‧lig
> 
> (of an (especially social) atmosphere or place) Having an inviting and friendly ambience; cosy, nice, pleasant, sociable.

"I think that's it, then?" Peter smiled, reading over the list once more. "So, we have an oak leaf, a V-Shaped twig, a sugar packet from the cafe, a patterned sock, an Ace of Spades, some sand, a jelly bean, and... oh yeah, a bracelet. Think we should add anything else, or leave it at that?"

"That," James snickered, bringing his legs up onto the tennis table until his knees were to his chest. "Is the  _ strangest _ scavenger hunt list I've ever seen."

"Well yes, but it keeps them entertained, I hope? We can chill out, and they won't be running around as much and getting all hot. Hotter than it is already," Remus huffed, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. Peter jumped up onto the tennis table and sat beside James, sitting cross-legged and leaning back on his hands. In the meantime, Sirius laid down his jacket on the nearby grass - close enough to hear their friends, but not so close they were sat on the pebbles - and flopped to the ground with a huff. He patted on the jacket once, then twice, grinning up at Remus to come and take a seat. Remus did, eventually, but kept a distance between them, until Remus was half on the grass, half on the jacket. He wouldn't get as close to Sirius as he'd done two days prior, and thus far, he'd kept his distance successfully. 

"Is that everything, then?" Peter asked again.

"Yeah, I'd say so. And anyway, the kids coming over here, so-"

"Moony! Padfoot! Wormy!"

Harry, who'd been walking over fairly calmly until then, Dean one side of him, Neville the other, took off sprinting towards the four of them, diving to the ground and tackling Sirius and Remus into a group hug. Only a moment later, he pulled off of them, and hugged Peter, who remained on the table, before hugging his dad.

"You look far too energised for this heat," Sirius shook his head as the boy jittered and jumped on the spot.

"Just excited! What are we doing?! Is it fun?!"

"I hope so! You're doing Scavenger hunts," He explained once the rest of the cabin had come over. "You'll want to split into groups of.... three? Four? However you work best, really. You'll get a list of items that you'll need to go around the camp to find, and then once you have them all, bring them back here. There'll be a prize for everyone, but there might be a bigger prize for the group that does it first, okay?"

They split off into their groups, and with a quick countdown, took off in different directions to go and hunt. Harry, Hermione, Ron and Draco ended up in a group together, and were the only ones who took off to the hall, rather than the woods like everyone else. Harry was dragging the rest of them along, and as soon as they turned the corner, Remus let out a light laugh.

"That won't take them twenty minutes with the speed that boy is running at!" He smiled, "Why on earth is he so... bouncy?!"

"He came and spoke to me today, and he was a bit excited after, so maybe it that?"

"Oh?" James directed to Peter in concern. "I mean, you don't need to tell me, but... he is my son."

"Oh no! I'll tell you! I was just going to talk to you tonight when it was just us two. He was just worried about when his new little sister arrived that he'd be... left out? That you'd give more attention to her and not to him. He was really quite worked up about it," Peter winced, looking sadly at James. Remus kept his mouth shut, looking to Sirius who wore a similar tense expression on his face. Sirius took his hand, much to Remus's dismay, and smiled weakly.

" _ Ah _ ... thanks for talking to him, Wormtail," James smiled, his shoulders relaxing. "He'd been a bit weird recently, and maybe that's why? I'll talk to him. I'm just glad he came to you about it, rather than simmering on it. He doesn't talk to people enough about how he's feeling, and I just get worried. He's got you guys, though, so I'm grateful for that."

It was true. Harry had a support system around him that Remus could only have begged for as a kid. He'd had Sirius, Peter and James, of course, but it wasn't until their later years that he felt content with admitting when he needed help.

"He always has us," Remus reminded James, with Sirius and Peter swiftly agreeing. 

"Exactly! And the reason he's so excited," Peter said, shrinking in on himself with a sly, weary smile, "Well..."

"Well?" James prompted, the nervousness returning, " _ Well _ ?"

" _ Imayormaynothavetoldhimhecouldnamethekid _ !"

"You did  _ what?!" _

"I didn't mean to, Prongs!" Peter laughed, seeing James wasn't angry, but was instead trying not to smile. "I just told him that you might let him help pick a name and then he got really excited!"

"Oh my god... I'm going to have a daughter named Thalia after that damn book series that Moony got him into."

"Oi!" Now was Remus's turn to smile and grumble, "I just thought he might enjoy it! I didn't expect him to get  _ that _ obsessed!"

"What," Sirius snickered, "More obsessed than you, do you mean? Because you were  _ obsessed _ !"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not-"

Remus was cut off by a shrill ringing, and Peter was scrambling to pull his phone from his pockets.

"Won't be a moment, guys!" Wormy grinned, leaping from the table and heading towards the building. He leant against the wall and bought the phone to his ear, still smiling brightly. 

"Mary?" Sirius asked to James while Remus stayed focus watching his friend.

"Probably! He tried to call her last night, but the signal was crap. Maybe she's finally gotten through?"

"I hope so. I want to meet Mary one day," Sirius sighed, shuffling closer to Remus. He'd mentioned it a few times before, about how much he'd missed out on while he was away, and the three friends had done their best to reassure him that they'd make up for the lost time. 

"You will," James assured, "And Lily. She'd love to meet you! Just as we'd like to all see Reg - well, see him again - if he wants to see us!"

"I'm sure he will, even if he didn't know you guys very long."

Sirius asked more questions about Lily and Mary, James asking about Regulus and Sirius's other (decent) family members. Remus kept an eye on Pete, who was leaning against the stone wall, one hand holding the phone and the other flailing about as he spoke. His face kept twisting. One moment, he had a smile stretching from ear to ear, all toothy and bright and genuine, and the next, his brows were furrowed, and he looked confused - nervous, even. After a moment; after another flail of a hand and another grin, he nodded. Looking at Remus, he hung up. Shoving his phone back in his pocket, Peter jumped a couple times on the spot, before burying his face in his hands and leaning against the wall once more. 

"Be right back," Remus murmured, not taking his eyes from Peter as he stood up, slipping his fingers apart from Sirius's, whining internally at the loss he'd previously grumbled about. The sound of his shoes on the pebbles as he walked over seemed deafeningly loud in the silence, until he heard what sounded like a sob come from Peter. The blond man began to slide down the wall, his face pressed further in to his palms, and even from the 5 or so metres away, Remus could see he was shaking.

"Pete? Peter? Are you- shit!" Remus ran over, because that was  _ definitely _ a sob, and took the man into his arms. "Okay, come on, it'll be okay, it'll be fine, Wormy!"

"I-I-I-"

"What's wrong, Pete!?"

"N-nothing's wrong! It's fine," Peter cried, his face pressed to Remus's shoulder as he hugged him tighter. "It's more than fine. It's so, so fine!" His grip on his friend tightened once more, and Remus did his best not to wince at the pain. 

"But-"

"My doctor!" Peter grinned, eyes watering, stepping back and taking Remus's hands. Beaming. "That was my doctor! They've finally referred me to a surgeon! I have my first consultation in mid-September!" His voice cracked, and Remus could feel his hands trembling within his own.

"F-for top surgery?!" Remus asked, jaw dropped as Peter's smile got brighter still. He nodded, fast and hard, blond hair flopping as he did, and dived to hug Remus again. "Oh my god, oh my god! Peter! That's so amazing, I'm so happy for you!"

"It'll be okay, and they'll talk to me about how to go about it and about my hormones and all that, and I'll  _ finally _ be flat! After all this time!"

Looking at his face when he pulled back once more, Remus could see how the weight of the world had lifted from his shoulders. Tears were still trailing down his cheek, his skin was flushed, and he was smiling in a way that Remus hadn't seen since he came out to them.

"Is there anything I can do?" Remus asked, his hands firmly on Peter's arms, looking up at him eagerly, "Anything at all?"

"Not a thing, Moony! Just... come with me to tell them?" He nodded towards Sirius and James, who were now laughing over something random. "I can't wait to tell them! Oh, gosh, and Harry too!"

"The Prongslet will be so happy for you, you know he will!"

The two walked back over to their friends, hand in hand, and returned to their seats.

"Wormy? What's wrong? Are you alright?!" James asked, reaching over the table tennis net and violently patting Peter down in an anxious scramble, trying to make sure he was okay. Remus, now sat back beside Sirius, slipped their hands together once more, smiling when Sirius caught his eye and flushed. 

"I-I'm good!" Peter sighed happily, laughing as he swatted James's nervous hands away. His voice was still shaky from crying, his eyes a little red and puffy, but he seemed to have calmed down for the most part - except for his leg that he couldn't stop bouncing in excitement. "So I've just had an extremely brilliant call..."

"Yes??"

"M-my doctors managed to get me a referral to a surgeon ready for my top surgery," He smiled, calmer than he was to Remus, but just as elated. James's face, initially worried, brightened and brightened, until a grin stretched right across his face, and he took Peter's hands.

"Really?!"

"Really!"

"That's amazing, Peter! That's so wonderful!" Sirius cheered from next to Remus, pulling the small boy closer to him as though it was a substitute for hugging Peter. "That- that's... I can't even, you must be so happy!"

"I'm so much more than happy! I'm, oh gosh I'm just so relieved! I don't care about the rest of it, you know? Not really? But- but top surgery is the one thing I need!"

"And you've got it!"

"I've got it!" He grinned, leaning into James and hugging him. "Never in a million years would I have thought I'd actually be getting it done!"

"I still remember when you came out to us," Sirius said with a smile and small laugh.

"God, yeah. Never would have thought ten years ago all this would be happening. I was still worried that my three camp friends wouldn't want to be friends with someone like me," He shrugged awkwardly, and James hugged him tighter.

"Of course, we would!" James insisted, ruffling Peter's hair before they both sat upright. "Don't you forget, you're talking to the two people who cross-dressed for the camp talent show every year since we were thirteen! We weren't gonna judge you" He snickered, "But I totally understand why you were nervous."

"That was that year, wasn't it?"

"Hm?"

"The first time you and Sirius dressed up was that year I came out to you. We were thirteen, and you guys had been planning a surprise for Rem and me?" Peter asked, looking between Sirius and James expectingly.

If Remus remembered correctly, Peter was right. Every year, James and Sirius took part in the camp talent show, and it was how Sirius first discovered his love for performing. After their second year, the boys decided to turn it up a notch, creating an elaborate production and making extravagant costumes ready to show off.

Sirius leaned against Remus, their shoulders brushing, and he laughed.

"It was. Saturday Night Diva's by the Spice Girls."

Suddenly, Peter was rummaging around in his bag.

"Pete?"

"I- I thought it was, but then- and that year - well, of course, I remember - but then the other day, I-"

"Wormy," Remus laughed, trying not to think about how close Sirius was, "You aren't making any sense, love?"

"The picture, Rem! The picture!"

_ Oh, god. _

Peter, from the bottom of his backpack, pulled out a worn, crumpled, slightly ripped photograph. Remus knew what it was, and couldn't help the laughter that slipped from his lips. 

"Oh god," Peter snorted, "I know my mum was supportive when I came out, but you'd think that she'd take me to get a better haircut!"

James snatched the photograph and let out a bark of laughter, throwing his head back and cackling, "You still look better than Remus! That  _ hair _ !"

"Oi, shut up and let me have a look!"

James chucked the photograph down to Remus, who held it between himself and Sirius, both looking down at it with wide, amused eyes. Remus heard a snort come from next to him.

At the front of the picture were two young boys, their arms around one another's shoulders. One of them - a small, thirteen-year-old Remus - had longish, flat hair coming down to his ears and falling in front of his eyes. He had a slightly nervous grin and a bright red blush. The other boy, a chubby, grinning young Peter, had blond hair in some strange bowl cut, with a couple odd bits sticking up. It was taken at an odd angle, and Remus remembered how Peter had taken the picture on his camera, turning it around to try and fit both him and Remus in. In the background was a campfire, and two unfocused figures beyond that. One of them with unruly black hair had a rainbow top on and bootcut jeans. He had his hands up, with what looked like a shampoo bottle in one of them. Remus remembered that James had taken it from their cabin to use as a microphone. The other person had black hair in waves to his jaw, and was in a tight, silver jumpsuit, save for the flair at the bottom of the trousers. He also had his hands up, and his legs were blurry from where he seemed to have been pictured mid-jump. 

"I remember when you took that picture!" Remus laughed, still staring at it with adoration. 

Sirius leant even closer to Remus to get a better look of the picture. "I loved that hair. I mean, I like it more now, obviously, but I still liked it."

" _ Obviously _ ?" Remus questioned with a snort. 

"The curls, Rem!" He beamed, slipping his hand through Remus's hair, before wrapping a curl around his finger. "It got curlier as you got older and I'm obsessed with it."

"I- but it's not- and- ugh!" Remus huffed, his face flushing and he sunk his shoulders. Sirius laughed, and didn't stop playing with his hair.

James's face seemed to scrunch up for a moment when he looked at them, before he smiled once more. Peter looked at them smugly. 

"Correct me if I'm wrong," James said teasingly, looking at Remus coyly, "But wasn't that the year that a  _ certain someone _ we know got bitten?"

"Oh my god."

"Oh yes, I believe it was, Jamie!" Peter smirked.

"We aren't talking about it."

"I really think we should!" Sirius joined in, ruffling his hair. "It was, after all, the start of the curse!"

The Curse was something that still made Remus shiver with fear, and it was all Sirius's fault. When they were thirteen, Sirius, James, Remus and Peter went swimming in the lake after dark, having snuck out their cabins. Remus could remember it as clear as day. James and Sirius running off ahead. Peter scrambling to grab a torch. Remus hissing that they were going to get caught for sneaking out. 

They did get caught, obviously.

They only got caught, however, when Remus was dragged into the water by Sirius. They swam and danced about, until Sirius insisted (for reasons unknown to Remus) that he should take his shirt off. He did, and only a few moments later, a horrible searing pain ran over his torso. He lept out, screaming as the pain got worse and worse, and looked down to see his side and hip red, puffy painful. 

"Who knew Weever Fish could sting so badly!" Sirius said, laying down on the grass until his head was in Remus's lap. Remus, without thinking, began running his fingers through his friend's hair.  _ So much for keeping my distance. _

"I did, Pads! And I  _ still  _ let you take my shirt off, and I still ended up being the one who got hurt!"

"Shouldn't have been so quick to let me undress you then, my moonlight!"

"We were thirteen, Sirius, stop it," He grumbled, pretending that thirteen-year-old him didn't already have a crush on Sirius, and that he didn't already have his own reason for not wanting to undress in front of (and so close to) Sirius. "And I still have the bloody scar from that."

"I think McGonagall is more scarred from hearing a random scream at about three in the morning!"

"And I blame you three entirely for that! I still won't go in without a top on! Bloody traumatised me, that did."

James, Peter and Sirius burst out howling, Prongs almost falling from the table as he clutched his stomach and writhed as he cried with laughter. Remus tried to glare between them, he really did try, but couldn't help but smile and shake his head, particularly at Sirius's wild snickering in his lap.

"T-The thing is-" Peter tried to say, panting and still giggling a little, "It was always you to get hurt, Rem!"

"It was not! You guys got hurt plenty of time!"

"Oh yeah? Really? Hm... shall we talk about the tree incident?"

"No, we shall not talk about the tree incident."

"Oh, I think we will," James grinned, "Lily loves hearing about that one!"

Remus looked at him oddly, "Why does she love it? I literally just fell over?"

"Oh, yes, but its the fact that you insisted on staying at camp with a fractured ankle, and Sirius had to carry you around everywhere! She finds it hysterical!"

"It's not really that funny!"

"It is too! Plus, it was more than  _ falling over _ , Moony," James jeered, leaning further and further forward to the point that Remus wondered if he'd fall off. "You tripped over the tree, fell into the rabbit hole and bashed into Peter, all in the space of about three seconds! Like a... a really clumsy Alice in Wonderland!"

"And a gorgeous Alice he was," Sirius beamed, "Even if it did land him on crutches for the first month of year nine."

"I have that picture of Sirius carrying you into the cafeteria when you were screaming at him to put you down." Peter chipped in, with an expression that made Remus sure he was considering finding the picture on his phone.

"No regrets," Remus smirked at Sirius, who was suddenly looking very flushed.

"He mothered you that last week of camp!" Peter then said, moving so he was laying down on his front, still facing everyone. He now spoke to Sirius, looking too smug for his own good, "You treated him like your firstborn! Pampered him and everything."

Pushing himself up slowly from Remus's lap, Sirius settled himself until he was leaning against his side, his head lolling onto Remus's shoulder. Sirius brought a hand up to the deep purple bruise on the side of Remus's head, and rubbed it ever so gently, barely gliding his fingers across the tender flesh. "And I'd do it all again in a heartbeat," He smiled warmly, causing Remus's heart to flutter in the most horribly distracting way. Something happened, something that Remus couldn't explain. It was as though the air around them crackled and intensified, thickening and brightening and changing all around them. Remus couldn't look away. His face grew hotter as he stared into grey eyes, and couldn't help the smile stretching on his lips. Sirius gazed up at him, wide-eyed and flushed, with a look Remus couldn't make out, but- friends don't look at one another like that, do they? Sirius was looking at Remus how Remus looked at Sirius. Like-

"But!" James shouted, breaking the moment, startling Remus and Sirius. The dark-haired man blinked once, twice, his smile slipping into a frown, as he let go of Remus's head. James seemed oblivious to- to whatever that all was (unless it was all in Remus's imagination, which he wouldn't totally rule out), smiling and waving his hands around as he turned to Peter. "Rem isn't the only one who's clumsy, is he?!"

Okay, he hadn't been imagining it. Peter looked odd, but not upset, eyes flickering between him and Sirius with budding curiosity. 

"Hm, who else?" Peter asked, not turning to look at James and instead smiling at Remus softly. 

"You, you daft idiot!"

"Wait, why?"

"The golf ball? Remember?"

That seemed to snap Peter from his strange staring, and he turned to look at James so fast Remus wondered how he didn't get whiplash. 

"Oh no," Peter said, panicked, "We aren't talking about-"

"How I ended up in the hospital?!" Sirius shouted, bolting upright and glaring at Peter - all friendly, and clearly joking, Remus was grateful for. 

If he tried hard enough, Remus could still hear the screech from Sirius, could still see the tears in those stormy eyes as he fell to the floor. How Sirius had gotten over it, Remus wasn't sure. He didn't know if he'd be able to, had it been him.

"Nothing was wrong!" Peter defended himself, his voice coloured with nervous laughter, "Just a bruise!"

"A bloody painful one at that!"

"I didn't mean it!"

"You whacked a golf ball straight into my back, Wormy! We were seventeen!" Sirius howled, falling to the grass as he kept laughing, and Remus couldn't help but smile. 

Had Sirius not been in the way, it would have been a bloody good shot.

"We did some strange stuff at camp," Remus smiled fondly, looking up to the clouds and talking to no one in particular. The laughing from Peter and Sirius calmed, and James gave a content hum.

"We did," He spoke wistfully. 

"I loved every moment," Peter said.

Sirius sighed. "Same. All of it."

"I wouldn't change a thing. I met my best friends after all," James shrugged, smiling ever so slightly at his friends, his eyes looking too watery for Remus's liking. No tears. Not today.

"And let us not forget!" He beamed with renewed enthusiasm and vigour, prompting Sirius to sit back up. "The  _ iconic _ last day of camp!" Remus grinned, pretending as though even the thought of that day didn't still tug painfully at his heartstrings. Sirius's face, at first curious and entertained, faltered a little, before his smile returned a little too falsely.

Sirius plastered on a smirk. "That day, my Moony, was only iconic because we didn't listen to you and drank that cheap vodka Prongs snuck in!"

"Oh, and because we climbed onto the roof!" Peter pointed out, as though it was obvious.

"Oh, no, no, no," Sirius sighed dramatically, " _ You and Jamie _ climbed onto the roof! My Moonbeam and I were actually being innocent for once! We were by the lake. Talking." He finished tensely. If only Remus's thoughts that night were anything akin to innocent. 

"Innocent my arse!" James snorted with a splutter, "You two were off somewhere buggering one another! Shagging behind the-  _ Harry _ !" James shouted awkwardly, watching as his son, followed by Hermione, Draco and Ron, ran back towards them.

Sirius gave a horrid wheezing sound, jerking away from Remus and looking at him with a vacant expression. 

"We found it all!" Harry shouted, coming to a halt in front of them and slipping on the pebbles. Draco crashed into his back, and Ron had to grab Hermione so she didn't do the same.

"T-that's great, kid!" James grinned, and Remus panicked, wondering if any of them had heard. 

How would Harry react?

"Do we get the prize now?!" Ron asked, bouncing on the spot, ignoring Hermione's rolling eyes. "Do we? Do we?!"

"Calm down," Remus laughed, shaking off James's words. Why would he think that? That he and Sirius were- were! It wasn't that it hadn't crossed Remus's mind of course, but now he was sat beside Sirius, blushing uncontrollably, as though he was 14 and with a never-ending crush. Then again, how much of that had really changed, other than adding on a few years, give or take? "Let's wait for the others to get here!"

"Yeah," Sirius tried to smile, and Remus wanted to hit James for making the joke, even if he was too oblivious to notice the tension he caused. Did the thought of the two of them together really make Sirius that uncomfortable? "Come on, you lot sit down and show us everything you found!"

What Remus wanted to know more than why James made the joke, was why Peter was looking like that.

As though he was smug.

As though he knew something that Remus nor Sirius knew.


	12. Balter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rain puts a stop to some plans, and gives home to another. Or, it at least tries to.
> 
> Balter  
> [verb]
> 
> 1\. (intransitive) To tumble; dance clumsily.  
> 2\. (intransitive, Britain dialectal) To become tangled or matted.  
> 3\. (transitive) To tread down in a clumsy manner.  
> 4\. (transitive, Britain dialectal) To tangle; clot; mat (as in the hair).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic isn't far from done now! But updates will be slowing up a little as I have a few commissions, work, college AND want to try and write some stuff for a Winter Event my friends and I are doing! <3

"So, pink or blue?" 

Remus looked up from his phone to see Sirius holding out two pairs of swimming trunks eagerly. They weren't just 'blue or pink' like Sirius had described. The 'pink' was garish, and neon, and Remus could even see the colour reflecting off of Sirius's pale skin. The 'blue' was a jumble of twenty different colours in some gaudy Hawaiian pattern, with what looked like neon signs and palm trees. It was quite a striking difference to see Sirius - in a black t-shirt, black shorts and denim vest jacket - holding up such offensively bright items.

"Firstly," Remus laughed, shuffling until he was leaning against the headboard, his phone now abandoned to the side, "Both of those are horrible."

"Oi!"

"Secondly, Pads, we're only going to the beach. Just as we've done for the last two Tuesdays. I don't quite see how it matters?"

"Maybe I'm on the pull," Sirius smirked with an over-exaggerated wink. He threw the pink shorts on the bed and stuffed the blue ones back in his bag (to Remus's relief; he'd look better in the pink ones anyway).

"Oh, what, with ninety or so kids around? Not only near enough impossible but also a little creepy," Remus smiled. Maybe it was the thought of Sirius flirting with someone else that had Remus saying the next words, trying to expel the bitter taste on his tongue. "And besides, you aren't exactly going to be getting much action if I'm tagging along behind you the whole time, are you?"

Face dropping to a frown, Sirius stepped back, furrowing his brows before giving a tiny, tense laugh. "But no, b-because- me and- well, I mean- us and- oh never mind!" Sirius's next chuckle was a lot freer as he shook his head, moving over to ruffle his friend's hair. "One day, Moons. One day!"

Remus gave him an odd look, wondering what that was all about, before nudging his hand away and pushing up off of the bed. 

"Come on," Remus ending up saying, walking over to the door and opening it, "We better go and get the boys."

To say the boys were excited to go to the beach was an understatement. When they knocked and opened the door to their room, Remus was shocked to see they weren't bouncing off of the walls. Harry, Ron and Neville were jumping around the moment they saw Remus and Sirius, raring and ready to go. Draco was beside them, a little quieter, holding a volleyball and smiling at them. Dean and Seamus were rummaging around in their bags, shouting about missing swim trunks or something or other. 

"Are we going?!" Ron babbled, still hopping on the spot.

"Yes, yes, of course! Why on earth are are you all so excited?!" Sirius laughed to the young boys while Remus made his way over to Dean.

"You okay? What's up?"

"Seamus can't find his shorts!"

"Ah well, can't leave until we have them now, can we?! Come on, have you looked under the bed?" Remus suggested, watching as the pair dropped to the floor to look for them. "Boys, can we all have a look in our bags and around our beds to make sure we only have our stuff, please? We don't want to be accidentally holding onto something that isn't ours."

Just as Remus finished, everyone dispersed to look around their own things, flinging clothes around and stuffing things into bags as a lazy attempt at tidying. The room quietened for a moment, other than small grumbles from the kids, a couple of knocks, and the happy whistling from Sirius leaning against the door frame. 

There was a strange sound on the roof. It was only like a small tap, hardly loud enough to hear, and only Remus seemed to notice it. Then another, and another. The sound got louder and more frequent, like pattering on the roof, and now, Sirius had heard it too. The dark-haired man looked up to the ceiling, his bottom lip between his teeth as he chewed on it nervously.

"Oh, no..." He faltered, closing his eyes and sighing

"It's nothing," Remus reassured unsurely, "I'll- I'll just go and check, yeah?"

While the boys were still hunting around, Remus slipped out of the room, and headed to the front door. As he opened it, it seemed as though the heavens had opened up for him. To say it was raining was an understatement. It was chucking it down, raining cats and dogs, plothering, coming down in stair rods, and any other horribly British terms that Remus's brain supplied him with. The raindrops were fat, hulking, falling in fast pelts, soaking the ground and leaving puddles of water in the grass. The wind, while mostly calm, was blowing the rain into the cabin, drenching Remus's front until his shorts and top were soaking. Despite the clouds covering the sun, it was still disgustingly warm, a stuffy heat coming in from outside, and the water drenching Remus's clothes and hair was almost welcome.

He closed the door, and ran a hand over his face, groaning to himself as he tried to wipe the water away. 

He didn't want to break the news to the campers that they wouldn't be going to the beach, not when they were so excited, and when he opened the door to the room, it seemed like he didn't have to. All six boys (seven, if you included Sirius) stood in the middle of the room, looking dejectedly at a very damp, very sad looking Remus.

"We can't go?" Seamus asked, kicking the imaginary dirt on the floor as he stared at the carpet. 

"I'm afraid not. McGonagall will likely be around soon to tell us the trip is cancelled for today. Perhaps we can talk to her about going another day? Maybe as one of our activities?" Remus suggested, hoping to pull a smile from at least some of the boys. 

"We'll do what we can, guys!" Sirius jumped in with the promise, trying to lighten the mood. "We can stay in and play some games, if you'd like? We'll find something to do, alright, we promise! How does 

Monopoly sound?"

There were some grumbles of agreements - not ungrateful, of course, but just frustrated and disappointed - while Sirius ran to his and Remus's room to grab the game. In the meantime, the boys pushed their bags, clothes and whatever else was thrown to the floor from the middle of the room, setting up a space for them to sit down. They settled comfortably on the floor in a circle, but were so close together that Remus and Sirius were thigh to thigh once the latter had returned. 

The game started smoothly (for the most part, if you discounted the arguments over the game pieces which landed Sirius with the top hat but Remus with the shoe) and after a few goes around the board and a little bit of trading, the boys were beginning to cheer up. Remus had found some snacks he'd acquired for him and Sirius to eat at night and bought them into the room, and the boys, all in all, seemed content to play Monopoly and munch on digestives. The mood was still a little sour. No one was quite as into it as they typically were, seeing how excited everyone was for the beach. Even Sirius was a little put-out, his knees to his chest.

Harry seemed the worst of all, hardly saying a word, even when Ron was checking if he was okay. Remus could see Sirius wondering what to do, as every now and then, he'd narrow his eyes and look confused, as though Harry was a puzzle to be solved. 

Remus remembered that look all too well, and it had been directed to him far too many times when they were little. Whether it was because Remus was homesick, having a bad day anxiety wise, or injured, Sirius looked at him with furrowed brows until he knew exactly what to do. For Remus, Sirius was always right with that he decided upon.

"I need to do something," Sirius murmured to Remus when the boys were engrossed in bartering for Liverpool Street Station. "They can't sit around here all night. Same for everyone else. No one wants to be stuck in the cabins all evening."

"I know you do, Pads, but we can't. Besides, it what, the second or third time its rained since we've been here? As shitty as it is, we'll have to wait it out."

"Oi, language!" Sirius laughed, swatting Remus on the arm gently. "And don't give me that 'we can't' attitude! I... I'll figure out something, alright?"

"Like what?" Remus asked, not expecting a response right away. The answer he received was a smirk.

"Get the boys ready to go out!"

"Pads-"

"Okay, boys!" Sirius shouted with a clap of his hand, drawing the kids attention away from the frankly absurd offer that Draco just put down. "How about a race to see who can get in their walking boots and coats the fastest, yeah?"

"Really?!" Harry grinned, leaping from his seat and apologising as he almost stepped on Neville. 

"Really! Now come on, chop chop!"

Just like that, they scurried off to different corners of the room, hobbling as shoes were tugged on, laces were sloppily tied, and coats were half-zipped up.

"Pads!" Remus hissed as Sirius was about to run from the room, "They're in bloody shorts! It's a downpour out there!"

"They'll be fine! Now, you want your coat, yeah?" He winked, not waiting on an answer before he dashed out of the door and headed down to their room.

"I- but! Ugh, fine! Okay, come on, I don't see anyone ready yet!"

Not long after, the boys were running out of the door, laughing and shouting and screaming. Arms were outstretched as they looked up to the clouds, twirling and smiling. 

"Tag!" Harry shouted at Draco, pushing him on the shoulder a bit before running off in the opposite direction. The blond stood still for a moment, seemingly dazed, before taking off after Remus's nephew. Soon enough, all six boys were playing, elated as they did.

"Be careful!" Remus shouted as Harry slipped on the wet, muddy ground, "And Dean, mate, please pop your hood up for me! Good lad!"

"Sometimes," Sirius laughed lowly, coming to stand next to Remus in the open of the field, "I wonder why you chose to teach at a university. You're great with little kids. Well, little-ish, I guess?"

"I couldn't cope," Remus laughed, He watched as a drop of water trailed down Sirius's nose, beading at the end and making his nose twitch. "Too much hassle. Plus, too general. I love what I do. And who knows, maybe in the future I'll teach a different Key Stage."

"You'd do well."

"You think?"

"I know."

A slip and a screech later, and Ron was faced down in the mud, pushing himself up and cackling loudly as he did. Harry stretched a hand out, tugged him up, before shouting 'tag' once more and running off in the opposite direction.

Remus heard a squelch in the mud behind him, and turned his head to see James and Peter in shorts and raincoats, looking funnily between them and the campers running about. Just as Peter opened his mouth to speak, there was a burst of laughter, and the six girls came rushing out of the cabin, instantly joining the boys playing chase. 

"We wondered what was going on!" Peter finally laughed. "We could hear shouting, but the second we opened the door-"

"The kids saw and wanted in!" James finished, trying to pull his coat zip higher. 

The four of them converged to the wall beside the door, trying to shelter from the rain. They watched the twelve kids peacefully, in silence other than when they shouted praise to anyone doing particularly well or needing a small boost. 

"I'm just gonna grab something, alright? I won't be a moment!" Sirius smiled, ruffling the top of Remus's hood as though it was his hair. He dipped back into the door without another word, leaving Remus curious. Hardly any time later, he returned with his speaker (only small and could fit in his palm) in his hand, fumbling with his phone to connect it up as he closed the cabin door behind him.

"Padfoot! You're gonna break it!" James shook his head, reaching out to try and snatch the speaker only for Sirius to yank it closer to his body. 

"It's fine, it's waterproof!"

"But-!"

"It's fine!" He echoed. The speaker beeped once, then once again, before music came blaring through the speakers.

"Little Mix, Sirius? Really?" Peter chucked with an amused frown.

"Don't blame me! I just but the charts on shuffle!"

"Mhm, you tell yourself that, love," Remus teased, knowing the song was far too old for the charts.

The song - one that Remus didn't know the name of but had heard plenty of times on the radio when it first came out - picked up as Sirius set the speaker down on the window ledge, moving to stand back next to Remus.

"Don't tell," He whispered, horribly close to Remus and making him shiver more than the rain was, "But this is my playlist. Can't beat some good old Little Mix!"

"And let me guess, amongst the seventies rock and early two-thousands emo, you'd got some One Direction thrown in there, too?"

"Hit the nail on the head, Moons!"

Soon enough, the girls began singing and dancing, jumping about in the rain and hugging one another, and even some of the boys were joining in. It didn't take long for James and Peter to get dragged in by their campers, and the pair joined them in floundering about in the open field. 

Everyone seemed to at peace and in their element. Smiles were stretching from ear to ear, arms were flailing happily in bad dances (James moves were particularly awful) and people could hardly stop laughing. As the song changed, Remus noticed the door of one of the cabins at the far end opening slowly, and he grit his teeth. Nervously, he looked over to Sirius, waiting to be told off by other councillors about letting them play in the rain. 

Instead, however, four faces emerged from the cabin. They were the four eighteen-year-old attendees, in their raincoats and walking boots, running across the field to join everyone else. There were now eighteen people baltering around the grass, arms stretched out as though greeting the heavens. 

More emerged. 

Soon, the door for the cabin next to theirs for the eleven-year-olds opened up, and a group ran out, swiftly followed by leaders who were eager to join in. Then, the fourth year boys came out with a football, kicking it about; they were a safe enough distance from everyone in case of injury, but close enough that Remus could seem them mouthing along to the songs lyrics. 

Eventually, the field was full of people dancing, playing games, chatting and enjoying the rain hammering down onto their skin. 

"Come on, Moony," Sirius beamed, no longer content with watching. He came out from underneath the latch of the cabin, where they'd been seeking shelter, and stretched out his arm. The song changed, something a little slower, and by Harry Styles, if Remus remembered correctly (not the One Direction he'd been expecting, but close enough). "Dance with me!"

"Not happening! I don't dance."

"But there was that time-"

"Which we don't talk about!" Remus interrupted. "What I do when under the influence is a  _ very  _ different matter!" 

Sirius was laughing, clearly overwhelmed with the memory, and Remus wanted nothing more than to be eaten up by the ground.

"Seriously though, my moonlight," Sirius said, beckoning Remus with his finger. "Come and dance with me. Just one song, I promise!"

"There are so many people here," He muttered nervously. 

"And? We'll give them a show."

"They're gonna think we're- we're-"

"Together?" Sirius asked a little harshly. "Is that really such a bad thing?"

_ Not exactly, I just don't want to stand there and watch as you tell them we aren't. _

"Of course not," Remus smiled weakly, lowly laughing at Sirius's widening eyes. "Come on then, I believe you'll be leading!"

He lightly took Sirius's hand, and the taller boy led him further into the crowd. The rain was so heavy it was now soaking through Remus's parka, and he nearly slipped a few more times just walking over there. The younger kids were running once again, playing chase, or still dancing about. Some of the older campers had paired off to dance, including Percy and Oliver - even if the latter couldn't keep a straight face. Some of the camp leaders began to dance with one another, most of them satirically, but a couple of them looked rather enamoured with their partners. 

Sirius took Remus's other hand, and tugged him ever so slightly closer, and smiled. 

"Hey!" 

Remus turned, trying not to roll his eyes, to see James running towards them, Peter trailing behind.

"Prongs, leave them alone!" Peter shouted, panting and sliding to a half, crashing into James's back.

"Not a chance! Come on, Sirius!" James beamed, grabbing Sirius's arm and pulling him away from Remus, "We need someone else for Takedown Bulldog, so the teams are even!"

Sirius shook his head, trying to take his arm back, "Another time, Jamie, but Rem and I-"

"No 'buts'! Come on, let's go!"

Before Remus could even register was what going on, and without Peter halting his complaints, James was dragging Sirius away from the crowd and further into the rain. 

"I'm really sorry," Peter called over the music and the rain, "I tried to get him to leave you alone, but the idiot is as oblivious as anything!"

"It's okay," Remus shrugged, "I don't know what I was expecting. We were just messing about."

Peter shook his head. "Idiots. Well, how about a dance with me then. I know it can't compare to Sirius, but-"

"I'd love to, Wormy," He smiled.

They ended up chatting the whole song, smiling and holding hands as the rain continued to pour. Some people around them headed inside, and others who'd yet to join came out. Even McGonagall came from inside the hall, standing under a ledge in her tartan coat and smiling. 

They ended up not dancing for long, as half of the song had been spent on Sirius convincing Remus and James interrupting them, and as the next song came on (something by Billy Joel), it wasn't really a song for slow dancing. 

Peter ended up chatting with the Prewett Twins, and Remus excused himself, wanting to go for a walk and promising not to be a long time. He moved from out of the crowd, listening as the music faded into the sounds of the pouring rain. The laughter and talking could be heard, but the closer that Remus got to the edge of the forest, the harder it was for him to make out the people in the rain and darkness. He leant against one of the trees, not caring as the bark dug into his bag through his coat. 

There was the sound of a twig breaking, and someone clearing their throat. 

"I managed to finally get away," Sirius laughed, hands on his hips and smirking at Remus.

"Did you have fun?"

"I did. Would rather have been with you, though."

Remus tried to ignore how he felt his own breath catch in his throat or how butterflies began moving around in his stomach.

"Now," Sirius continued, "I believe I owe you a dance?"

"Not exactly dancing music, Pads," Remus laughed, faintly the music over the sound of the rain on the leaves and chatter from the crowd. 

"Hm, you're right. But I still want to."

Remus found himself being pulled from the tree, and Sirius laced their hands together. They tried to move in time with the music, before eventually giving up and doing their own thing when they couldn't hear. Remus was twirled about slowly, hugged and turned as they floundered and baltered about, the rain still coming down as heavily as it was when they first went outside. 

Sirius looked immaculate. Remus stared, likely for longer than was appropriate, wondering how someone could look that good when out in the rain. He'd pulled his hood down at some point, and his hair was soaked, sticking to his neck and forehead. He tried, every now and then, to shake his head and move it from his face without letting go of Remus's hands, laughing when he failed. Sirius's face was wet, shiny with rainwater, droplets beading on his eyelashes and on the end of his nose. Sirius moved and turned with such elegance, and never took his eyes off of him. Remus  _ saw  _ it. He saw what Peter had been seeing. Sirius's lips were curled slightly at the corners, smiling gently to Remus. His eyes were soft, blinking slowly and as infrequently as possible, as though every blink was less time he had to look at him. 

Sirius pulled him a little closer, or tried to, when Remus lost his footing. He slipped on the wet forest floor, falling backwards until his back collided with the trunk of a tree and Sirius was on top of him, tugged down as Remus fell.

"Are you okay?" Sirius laughed, now speaking louder than a whisper. 

"Of course."

Sirius didn't move, and Remus couldn't bring himself to ask him to. Instead, they stayed close to one another, Remus against the tree and Sirius against Remus, staring and smiling. At some point, Sirius pulled Remus's hood down and began to run his wet hand through Remus's hair, wrapping his fingers around the curls. His hand moved down as a light finger trailed along the side of Remus's neck. Remus shivered at the coldness of Sirius's hand compared to the heat over the rest of his own body, and tilted his head up a little. Without thinking, he bought his hand to rest on Sirius's cheek, as Sirius's hand settled on the base of his neck, a thumb moving gently over his collar bone and adam's apple. 

He shouldn't have thought about moving forward, Remus knew. They needed to talk first. Even if Remus knew what Peter had been getting at. Even if he now realised why Sirius looked at him how he did.

He found himself moving forward anyway.

Sirius did the same.

The gap between them was minuscule; they were so close that Sirius's breath danced lightly over Remus's lips, and the brunette couldn't help but tremble at the sensation.

"Padfoot..." Remus whispered, running his thumb over Sirius's jaw, and he moved forward a little further until- 

"Oh, hello!" 

Remus whipped his head around, his nose knocking against Sirius, to see a figure emerging from the shadows.

"Fancy bumping into you guys!"A grating voice called, and Remus looked around, tripping over a tree root to find himself face to face with Lockhart. "Sorry to interrupt the two of you!"

"Oh fuck," Remus grumbled as Sirius stepped back, running his hands over his face (to try and rid of the water or in distress from Lockhart's appearance, Remus didn't know).

"It's rather crowded out there, isn't it?" The blond smiled, seemingly oblivious of the pairs exasperation. "You guys did the same then, come here to escape?"

Gilderoy leant against the tree beside Sirius, and continued to ramble away about how everyone was there, and how he clearly looked the best despite the rain ruining his hair.

"I- uh, I'm gonna try and round the boys up inside and get them in the showers to warm up," Sirius stuttered, ignoring Lockharts ranting. 

"G-good plan. Yeah."

"You, uh- yeah, I'll see you in a bit." Sirius tried to smile, before turning on his heel and walking off over to everyone else.

Remus dragged his hand through his hair, pulling and groaning with frustration. What the fuck had he done?

"So," Lockhart stated, sounding smug and satisfied in a weird sort of way, "What's going on with you two, then? You seemed a bit awkward just now. Issues with that happy couple?"

Remus groaned again.


	13. Induratize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter jumps in, to James's obliviousness. Remus, for once, for a moment, gets what he wants.
> 
> Induratize  
> [Verb]
> 
> – To harden the heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Quick update! I haven't updated as   
> 1) I'm working on a short-ish Christmas fic and  
> 2) work gets busier this time of year, and my hours have been MAD.   
> Will write more and post as soon as I can (especially as I'm planning a new fic after this one!) Enjoy ya'll <3]
> 
> For Oli, my love! For reading this and messaging me xyr favourite lines! <3 I hope this makes up for the ending of the last chapter~!

Remus didn't have the chance to talk to Sirius alone since  _ it  _ happened. That evening, after rounding the boys up inside and clearing everything away, both had been so exhausted that the second their heads hit the pillows, they'd fallen straight to sleep. The next morning, the Wednesday, they'd woken up late, and were in such a rush that stopping Sirius and asking to talk just wasn't possible. After activities, they had Camp Games and free time, neither of which gave them time to talk. Once they'd made it into the bedroom, Sirius seemed to insistent on going straight to bed that Remus wondered if he was trying to avoid the conversation. Thursday had gone similarly, and Sirius insisted on helping the kids clean so that he wasn't in the room with Remus alone. Remus couldn't help but hate himself a little more every time Sirius made up an excuse to not speak to him.

They woke up on time that Friday, but this time it was Remus who was too dazed from sleep to try and talk. They shuffled about in silence, getting ready and avoiding all eye contact with one another. After getting dressed in doing his hair in record time, Sirius left the room for breakfast, likely knowing he was safe when James and Peter were around. 

Reus spent his whole time during activities trying to figure out how on earth he'd get Sirius to talk to him. He didn't want to ruin the evening - not when they were at the campfire - but Remus knew he didn't exactly have a choice.

"Are you and Sirius alright?" Peter asked anxiously as they all walked to the campfire on the Friday evening. Sirius and James were ahead, with the twelve children following along as happy as anything. "You've seemed... off."

"Nope, we're fine," Remus lied with a smile.

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as anything, Wormy."

"Because," Peter said, his voice far too amused, stepping over a tree root as they walked into the forest. "I've heard a few rumours. Nothing big, just something about two of the first year councillors snogging in the rain on Tuesday, that's all."

Remus choked on the air, spluttering so loudly that some of the fifth years behind them asked if he was okay. After dismissing them with a smile, Remus turned back to Peter. "I-I have no clue w-what you're on about. N-not one!" He tried to smile innocently. 

"So, it wasn't you and Sirius there, despite the fact that both of you left only moments before it supposedly happened, you've hardly said a word to one another since, and the tension between you two is killing me?" Peter laughed. Remus pushed some branches aside for him and Peter to pass, and they were at the fire pit.

"Well, seeing as our lips never touched," Remus hissed, aware he wasn't going to be able to lie to Peter any time soon, "No, it wasn't us."

"But people think- I mean, they saw that is was you two but are just  _ assuming  _ you kissed??"

"Apparently! Does James know?"

"Ha! You must be kidding! Of course not, the oblivious idiot. He won't know about you and Sirius until you're exchanging wedding rings! He might make jokes, but he doesn't know what the hell he's on about!" Peter laughed, shaking his head and helping the kids onto the logs. "Right, I'm probably not gonna have the chance to speak to you before tomorrow, so you and I are going for a walk after breakfast so you can catch me up on everything, yeah?"

"Sounds good to me, Wormy!"

"What was that all about?" Sirius asked when Remus sat down to his left. "Y-you and Wormy seemed to be having a pretty serious chat there."

_ Now or never. _

"No, nothing bad. Also, missed a pun there. But..."

"Yes?"

"We need to talk. Soon, I guess?" Remus finally said, carefully watching Sirius's face for any sign of distress. He saw as his shoulders tensed a little and brows lowered, but smiled anyway.

"Ah- uh, yeah, I guess we do. We can slip off now, leave everyone with James and Peter?"

"No, no," Remus shook his head. "It- well, I just think we need to sit down somewhere when we aren't going to be interrupted. Or worried that someone's falling into the fire," He tried to joke, and relaxed a little as Sirius chuckled quietly to himself.

"Fair point. We can just eat sweets, for now, chill, and worry about all that later?"

"A good plan," Remus agreed with a curt nod, already happier than he'd been over the last few days. He opened his bag, and pulled out three packets of marshmallows. Keeping one on his lap, he gave the other two to the boys, who instantly opened it up and began tucking in.

"I think I've eaten more marshmallows in these last three weeks than that I have in the last ten years," Remus commented as he opened the packet, taking one and holding the full bag out to Sirius. He took one, and smiled as he bit into it. 

"Mmm, not me," He said, still chewing on half of the marshmallow. Remus, on the other hand, popped the marshmallow into his mouth whole, happily munching away as Sirius spoke. "I had them all the time while travelling. Japan have some amazing looking ones, and tasting, too! Shaped and coloured and everything!"

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, they were awesome! When Reg first ended up on treatment, he couldn't really eat much. He was sick all the time, and was living off of water and greek yoghurt at one point as it was all he could stomach. Well, on a whim, I thought I'd make him a hot chocolate. We used to love them when we were little, and I was pretty desperate. He was so thin... Anyway, I made him it, he drank it, and he kept it down! Slowly, I added milk and whipped cream and then marshmallows to it, and Regulus basically lived off of them! Mum was never impressed, of course, but I'd make these really elaborate drinks for him, and we'd both sit on his bed and drink them. Sometimes, before his hearing got worse, I'd read to him, and after that, we'd put on music with good bass so he could feel the vibrations. All in all, pretty chill times!"

"That sounds lovely," Remus smiled genuinely, vividly picturing the young men laughing and smiling as they drank. By what Remus could gather from everything else, moments like that were what the pair needed at that time. "I'd love to meet Reg one day. Again, I mean. Does he remember us?"

"'Course he does!" Sirius laughed, "I mean, he trailed around with us that one year he did come to camp, and he's the only person I could tell all my camp stories to!"

"All of them?"

"Yes! His favourite was always..."

The rest of the campfire went smoothly. It was far less awkward now that Remus and Sirius were talking, and Peter smiled at the pair contently from the other end of the seats. 

The fire continued to roar as people talked, played cards, ate snacks and sung campfire songs. It was chilled and comfortable, but when people started heading back out to the field or other parts of the forest for free time, Remus felt his chest tightening with anxiety. 

Could they not just leave it like this? He and Sirius were okay now. He could forget whatever was about to happen on Tuesday, ignore his feelings for Sirius, and carry on as if nothing ever happened. 

Just as he and Sirius rose from their spaces on the log (most people had left by now, but they were so caught up in conversation that they'd not noticed), they were approached by a group of kids. Some were from their cabin, others from older years, eagerly asking Sirius if he could teach them more sign language during free time. He obliged, of course, never able to turn down the option to help someone, and Remus stayed with them by the dying pyre, watching them engrossed in the lesson. 

Free time lasted for an hour, and Remus spent all sixty minutes engrossed in watching Sirius. His hands moved smoothly and fluidly, and he had the brightest smile on his face as he taught how to sign numbers. At one point, Remus tried to join in and practice, but Sirius's entertained smirk when he did something wrong meant he could never quite keep his composure. The sky darkened, and tiny pinpricks of light could be seen between the leaves of the trees by the time they were done. Eventually, however, when the fire had completely died down, and it was too dark to watch Sirius's hand movements, they headed back to the cabins. 

The boys were rampant and rowdy when Remus and Sirius made it back, and it took forever to get them ready for bed. One herded half into the bathroom to do their teeth and go to the bathroom, while the other rounded up the rest to get into their nightclothes. It was as though they were playing sheepdog for around forty minutes, running between the rooms and sighing at the campers antics. There were multiple times, however, when Remus would cross James or Peter in the hallway, clearly having the same issue with the girls, if eye rolls and shaking of heads was anything to go by.

It was a different story when Sirius and Remus passed one another, however. They exchanged half-smiles, held one another's gazes for far too long, and brushed their hands against one another whenever they were able to. There was a tension around them, as Remus remembered the conversation they'd have to eventually have, but if Sirius's looks and grins and touches meant anything, it seemed as though things would be going Remus's way for once. 

Eventually, after what felt like hours, Remus quietly closed the door to the boys' room, and tip-toed back into his and Sirius's room.

"They're finally asleep," He sighed with relief, slumping with his back against the door and smiling at Sirius. His friend was sprawled out on his bed in an oversized hoodie and (Remus hoped) shorts. It flickered through his mind for a moment if he could get away with trying the jumper on under the ruse that he wanted to see how big it was on his slender form - and not at all to do with the fact that it would feel and smell like Sirius.

"Thank god," Sirius chuckled lowly, "Only took us telling them off, what, two dozen times?!"

"Make it three!"

Sirius laughed again, and settled back briefly into the mattress before pushing back up. "So, uh- James and Peter are gonna look after the boys if- when, I mean, while we..."

"Chat?" Remus suggested, feeling the air in the room get thicker as Sirius stood up from the bed.

"Yeah. Chat." Sirius shrugged. He looked down to the floor. "We can head by the lake, if you want? Unless you'll be too cold?"

"No, no, I'll be okay, I think. Let me grab a jacket." Remus took his zip-up hoodie from the end of his bed, pulling it over his shoulders and watching as Sirius pulled his leather jacket on top of his jumper. It was a snug fit, but he still looked good.

Without another word, they left the cabin.

It felt far too similar to that night ten years ago, Remus realised, as though they were naughty not-quite-teens-anymore sneaking out of the cabin, while the very inebriated James and Peter planned to climb the roof once more. They walked in silence to the bank by the river, the only sounds in the air being the leaves rustling from the forest, the water running in the stream and the odd cricket chirping from in the grass. Sirius sat down onto the sand, stretching his legs out in front of him and leaning back on his hands. Remus sat down beside him, leaving a few inches between them, but still close enough that Remus could feel the heat radiating from his body. He pulled his knees to his chest, looking over the water and anywhere else but Sirius.

They stayed silent.

Remus wasn't quite sure how to break the still air. He pulled on his hoodie strings, knocked his fists together, clicking his fingers, feeling anxiety building up and up while he tried to brainstorm ideas. He began to shake, and sucked in a deep breath.

"So." He finally said.

Sirius didn't turn to him.

"So. Talking..." Sirius drawled. 

"Yeah..."

"We're normally rather good at that," He snorted, shaking his head and looking up to the moon. 

"Usually, yes," Remus couldn't help but smile.

The silence fell upon them once again. It was like a tense stalemate. If Remus was right about everything, and he really hoped he was, then all this would be was a confession far overdue.

"You're shivering."

"Huh?"

"You're shaking, Rem, like really bad!"

"Oh- uh-" Remus let go of his knees for a moment, holding his hands out to see he was, in fact, trembling very visibly.

"I told you you'd be cold!" Sirius laughed, shuffling closer, and shrugging off his leather jacket. 

Remus began waving his arms in protest. "No, no, I'm not-"

"Don't be silly, come here!" Sirius draped his jacket over Remus's shoulders and moved so that they were pressed side to side. Remus instantly felt warmer - a little from the coat and a lot from Sirius so close, and mostly as he turned his head and was face to face with Sirius. Their noses were so close to touching, and it was an all too familiar situation to three days prior. 

"Thanks..." Remus murmured, resisting the urge to bury his face into the jacket, even for just a brief moment. 

Sirius was still staring at him. His lips were a little parted, shiny and sticky with lip gloss, and his eyes kept flickering to look over Remus's face. A burst of self-consciousness shot through Remus at the comparison of beauty - him and his freckles and bruises and odd little nicks and scars, compared to Sirius and his pink lips and flawless skin and glossy hair.

"You're beautiful, love," Sirius muttered with a small smile, as though he could hear Remus's thoughts. Inching ever so slightly closer that Remus could feel his hair a little on his cheek, Sirius tilted his head. 

"We really do need to talk," Remus whispered. His breath ghosted over Sirius's lips, eliciting a small shiver from his friend.

"Can I kiss you first?"

Remus could feel every word; he could feel how Sirius's lips brushed ever so slightly against his, hardly even touching. He wanted to, so desperately wanted to, but he needed to make sure they were on the same page, first.

"Do you remember when we were here on our last night?" Remus finally said, barely pulling back. Sirius's arms made their way around Remus's neck, keeping him close as though he was scared Remus might back up and never return to where he was. "When we sat here, smoking and talking about Lily and James?"

"And us. We were talking about us."

"About how it was always me and you," Remus nodded to agree. "I was annoyed that you were leaving."

"You were annoyed we were all leaving," Sirius tried to correct. Remus shook his head.

"No. Just you. I was annoyed at you."

"I'm sorry-"

"No, no, please don't apologise. I just mean..."

Remus took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could hear the water, hear Sirius shuffle on the sand, the leaves blustering and the crickets. His pulse hammered in his chest, his neck, his wrists. For a moment, he wondered if that was his blood pumping that he could hear. His eyes stayed closed; not tightly shut, and a little open so that his lashes were making the world look fuzzy and dark.

He let out the breath.

"I'm in love with you," Remus finally said with a sigh. "I've been in love with you since forever. I think I'll love you forever, really. And I was really hoping you felt the same." 

There was a pause.

A beat.

One of Sirius's hands slid up and settled itself in Remus's hair. The other moved to his neck, resting on the side and moving his thumb over the flesh gently as it had days before. Remus couldn't bear to open his eyes, wondering if Sirius would push him away and tell him he had it all wrong. 

He couldn't just hope the connection between them would be there after so long, could he?

Light as a feather, Remus felt Sirius's lips on his own, pressing ever so gently, lips slightly parted, and sighing into the kiss. Remus finally opened his eyes, just for a moment, to see Sirius with his own eyes closed, pulling back and smiling.

"Does that answer your question?" Sirius whispered.

Their lips connected once more, less tentative than before. It was heartfelt, soft, warm, and every bit as perfect as Remus had imagined for years. One hand rested on Sirius's thigh, and the other on the top of his arm, tenderly squeezing as if to reassure himself that Sirius really was there, underneath his fingertips. Sirius's grip on his hair tightened, and he seemed to shuffle closer until he was almost leaning over Remus. He deepened the kiss, and Remus tilted his head up to do the same, keeping his hands firmly on Sirius. Sirius's other hand moved down, trailing over his collarbone and resting gently on his chest, feeling Remus's pulse hammering under his fingers. They didn't move part, lips gliding against one another, noses nudging and bumping a couple times that had both of them laughing into the kiss. Remus gave a sigh, quickly caught by the mouth on him, tightening his hold on Sirius just a little more, and leaning back until Sirius had to hold his shirt, so he didn't fall to the ground. He felt like he was drowning and swimming and floating all the same, as safe as anything in Sirius's arms, lips locked and bodies pressed close together.

They kept kissing under the light of the moon, too soft, tender and all too much for Remus when Sirius pulled back.

"Hey, it's okay," Sirius smiled, wiping Remus's cheep with his thumb and ridding of the tear Remus didn't know was there.

"I- Sorry," He shrugged awkwardly, unable to help himself and placing another fleeting kiss, nipping lighting on Sirius's lower lip.

"Don't apologise, love. That was... yeah."

"Yeah?" Remus asked, eyes narrowing at his friend. Sirius turned back once again and stared up at the moon.

"Yeah." As though that answered the question. Sirius kissed the end of his nose. "Come on, you're still shivering. Let's go in."

_ No _ ! Remus pleaded silently, worried that the second he moved, the strange spell around them would break. Instead, he simpered, let Sirius stand up, and then take his hand to stand up himself. Sirius's fingers locked with his, and after a last, far briefer kiss, headed back towards the cabin.

The walk back was much like the walk there. Silent, a little tense, like neither knew what this was building up to, but patient and affectionate and loving. Every now and then, one would turn to kiss the cheek of the other, savouring the grins and blushes to appear on their lover's face. They snuck back into the cabin silently, until they reached their room, and both let out a sigh of relief. 

Remus tugged at the zip of Sirius's jacket. Sirius was by his bed, staring at Remus, shuffling from foot to foot, unsure of where to go next. He knew this would happen, Remus realised, he knew that the magic would be broken once they were back inside. 

Or so he thought, until Sirius stepped forward, and again, and again until he was close to Remus. As close as he had been before. Sirius brushed his lips against Remus's, hardly enough to constitute being a kiss, but had Remus's heart pounding and fluttering all the same.

"You look good in that." Sirius lifted his hands up and began playing with the collar of the jacket, letting the backs of his hands brush against Remus's neck.

"Huh?" Remus blurted out, all coherent thought gone from his mind as Sirius kissed him again.

"My jacket. You look good in my jacket."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

It was about three sizes too big, hanging off of him in a very unflattering way, covering his hands and falling down past his hips, and yet Sirius still looked at Remus like he was the most lovely person in the world.

"Sleep with me tonight? Not like that," Sirius clarified quickly, leaving a kiss behind Remus's ear and staying there, muttering against his neck. "Just... stay close to me, please? Just for tonight?"

There was never a 'just' with Sirius. Remus would stay with him every night if Sirius asked him to. 

Remus felt no need to say yes.

He shrugged off the jacket and hung it on the back of the door, toed off his shoes, took off his shorts and hopped into bed in his hoodie and boxers. Sirius quickly did the same, but pulled off his jumper, so he was left in a t-shirt. Remus pulled back the corner of the duvet and Sirius slid in beside him. It was a tight squeeze, seeing as the beds were hardly bigger than a single bed, and Remus wondered for a moment if they should have pulled their beds together, but decided to work with it. He turned to his side, bought one leg bent over Sirius's hips, and an arm draped over his chest. It was comfortable. Normal. Too normal if Remus considered it for long enough. Too normal; how they fit so well together, with Remus tracing patterns on Sirius's clothed chest, and Sirius slipping his fingers through Remus's hair. 

"Why didn't we cuddle more as kids?" Sirius suddenly said out of no-where, startling Remus a little from the daze he'd fallen himself into. 

"We did, a couple times," Remus laughed, "But I think we always enjoyed whispering between the top and bottom bunks, really. Maybe if we saw each other more often, we would have?"

"Would we have?"

"Cuddled?"

"No," Sirius shook his head, "Seen each other more often, I mean. When we were little, if I had the option to go, or if we lived closer to one another, would we have met up more often?"

Remus kissed Sirius's chest, just where his heart was. "Pads, I'd have seen you every day if you'd have had me."

"Of course I'd have had you, My Moonlight."

Sirius's hand slowed, only slightly moving against Remus's scalp, and Remus felt his eyes going heavy.

"Sirius?"

"Mm?" Sirius hummed sleepily, Remus feeling the vibrations through his body.

Remus bit his lip. "I love you."

When there was no response, he looked up to see Sirius was already asleep. 

He smiled to himself.


	14. Kadota

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus wakes up in a cold bed, and finally comes clean.
> 
> Kadota  
> [verb]
> 
> (intransitive) to disappear, vanish. (intransitive) to be lost, go missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Am working on a few other fics and college is a bitch so-   
> but here it is! <3

Remus woke from his slumber dazedly, yawning and trying not to stretch out too much as to fall off of the bed. He scrunched his eyes shut to block out the light shining through the window, and tugged the duvet further up to cover his shoudlers, thinking about the events of the night before. The feeling of Sirius's lips on his, his hands on his neck and arms, left a strange but delightful sensation over Remus's skin. They'd fit so perfectly together, with Remus's head on his check, leg over his hip, his lover's hands slipping through his hair. Sirius had felt to warm beside him, so comforted, and he never wanted to lose that feeling. 

At that thought - at the memory of Sirius's body being so warm - Remus realised he was cold. The tugged the duvet once more, up to his chin, and found no resistance. It took a moment, a quick grumble, and another sleepy yawn until he rolled over to face the other side of the bed. 

Sirius wasn't there.

Remus put his hand on the mattress, to feel it was cold, and had he not remembered the night before, he'd have presumed it wasn't even slept in. He looked over to Sirius's bed, which  _ was  _ unslept in, to see it was in the same state as yesterday. Messily made, pillows a little askew, duvet not laid quite straight. 

Remus sucked in a breath. 

He tried to push away the anxiety building in his chest, tried to ignore the tight, suffocating feeling overwhelming his body, when he realised that side of the room didn't look quite right.

Shoving the duvet off of him and scrambling to grab his shorts from the floor, Remus clambered out of bed. He stumbled about, trying to pull on his shorts. He hoped for a moment that he'd seen wrong.

Sirius's hoodie that he kept on the end of his bed was gone. This, on its own, would have been fine. Remus could have assumed Sirius had gone for a walk once again. 

But the pile of shoes in the corner was also gone. 

The pack of cigarettes on his bedside table that he'd not touched since the second day of camp had gone.

His backpack, his small makeup bag, any trace of Sirius had gone.

Remus's pulse began to quicken. His breath sped up, hands shaking, knees going weak.  _ Sirius wasn't there.  _

He tried to breathe in deeply, only for him to tremble on the inhale and let out a strained sob on the exhale. His palm pressed to his mouth as his eyes welled up, willing himself to not cry. It was fine. It would all be fine. There was an explanation for it, of course, there was. It was nothing to do with Remus, or Sirius's feelings to Remus. Sirius had... 

It was an elaborate prank.

A dickish prank at that, but a prank nonetheless. 

Remus had almost calmed himself down, slapping a false smile on his face and deciding to storm into James's room with a declaration of revenge, when there was a knock at the door. He felt his body relaxing, shoulders sinking when he wondered if Sirius had come back with his stuff (and knowing him, chocolate as a way of an apology).

A quick look in the mirror later, he smiled and headed to the door.

"McGonagall?" Remus said with a strained smile at her appearance, finding himself being stared at by not one, but three pairs of eyes. Behind her were James and Peter. James looked teary-eyed, with a tight jaw and balled up fists, and he was clearly angry. Peter looked nothing more than sorry for himself, tugging at the bracelet on his wrist, his eyes red and puffy.

"Morning, Mr Lupin," McGonagall smiled with pursed lips, "I wonder if we might have a talk."

"Of course - but Sirius isn't here at the moment, so if you need him then-"

"Rem," James butted in, "It's about Sirius."

"What about him? Where is he?" He began to panic. Everyone looked solemn as they stepped into the room, closing the door behind them, and Remus found himself backing up until he sunk down onto the mattress.

McGonagall pressed her lips into the thin line, before opening her mouth and closing it again. She did this a few times, seemingly loss for words, and Remus felt his heart stutter each and every time. 

"Unfortunately," She began slowly, clasping her hands behind her back, "Mr Black has experienced a... family emergency. He's had to leave immediately, and I wondered if you needed-"

"Emergency? What kind of emergency?!"

"I can't disclose that information, Remus, you know that."

"C-come on, yes, you can!" He pleaded desperately. James seemed to be crying again now, staying against the wall, face tight. Peter had a sad smile on his lips, and he moved to sit on the bed next to his friend. "You have his number on record, right? So you can tell us! We can call him and try to get a hold of him again!"

Minerva shook her head and tried to smile. "I wish I could, I hope you three know that. But we have safeguarding procedures in place that prevent us from giving away anyone's information, whether you are family or not."

_ Family.  _

Sirius was meant to be family.

"B-b-but- he might be in danger! You'd give it to us then, right? If we had reason to believe he was in trouble? B-because he might be, you know, a-and-"

Peter laid his hand on Remus's shoulder, and the man's words came to a halt. He took in a breath and looked over to his friend, and had to fight back tears.

"Come on, Moony," He sniffled quietly. "You know as well as I that this isn't about his family."

"I came here," Minerva continued, "I ask if you need any additional help with the children over the last week of camp, seeing as it's only you now. No need to make a decision now, feel free to speak to me this evening. I shall- I shall leave you now to talk amongst yourselves. Please let me know if there's anything I can do."

Sirius was gone.

He'd left without another word. 

After everything,  _ everything _ they said last night, he just left? 

Remus didn't want to believe it. Sirius was a better man than that. He wouldn't just up and leave, would he?

"You... you told me," Remus said, choking back a sob, "You said he looked at me the same was I looked at him, a-and, I-"

"I know, Rem, I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't... I didn't just think he'd leave. Remus..."

"Right," James huffed, sniffing and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He pushed up off the wall and walked over to the beds, standing just in front of his remaining friends. "If one of you gentlemen could explain what the fuck are you talking about, that would be great."

"Remus, he-"

"I'm in love with Sirius."

The air went thick. Remus's heart seemed to stop as he buried his head into his hands, his breath stuttering as he tried not to cry.

James huffed loudly out of his nose and smiled.

"Ah, okay. Is- is that why he left?"

"I-"

"No, I didn't know, but... it makes sense. You two are meant for each other."

"I thought so too," Peter agreed. 

"So then, what happened?"

"Well, Remus and I talked back-"

"I can't do this," Remus choked, shooting up from the bed and heading to the door. "P-please, feel free to tell James, but I can't sit here... I can't sit here and listen to all the reasons why I let myself believe someone could ever love me."

"Rem-"

"No, James, I can't. I'm... I'm gonna go and tell the boys that- that Sirius had an emergency. I'll see you guys at lunch or something, I guess."

"Hey, Uncle Rem!"

Remus was met with Harry's beaming face when he pushed open the door to the boys' room. All of them were on the floor, dressed and ready to go, playing Uno amongst themselves. Remus guessed he was late up, or leaving the room, but couldn't bring himself to care at that point.

"Are we off to breakfast now? We saw James and Peter going into your room so we guessed we should leave you to it!" Neville smiled, gathering the cards up.

"Moony, where's Sirius?"

All six looked up at him happily. Remus sighed.

"I need to talk to you lot," He finally said, settling on the floor and joining them in the circle.

Harry's face darkened with anxiety, and he bit his lip. "Rem, are you okay?"

"Sirius," Remus began with a huff, "Is no longer here."

"What?!"

"Why?"

"But he wouldn't just leave!"

"We'll miss him!"

"Boys, boys!" Remus chuckled as best as he could, even as his chest tightened and hands balled into fists. "Calm down a moment, I'll answer what I can in a sec."

"Will he come back?" Ron asked with a tilt of his head.

"He- no, no he won't. There was... a family emergency," Remus said. He took in a deep breath. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't. And yet, here he was, staring at six pairs of worried, trusting eyes, lying to them. "Okay, I can't do this," He finally said. "We don't know what's up with him. I woke up this morning and were told he left. I presume he's gone back home with his brother, but I don't know why."

Remus wondered if Harry's face could get more serious, but it changed once more, his brows lowered and eyes narrowed.

"He left?" He asked, taking in a deep, shaky breath. "He... he just left? But he's your friend!" He shouted.

"Harry, calm down. He has every reason to leave."

"But- but he's left you on your own!"

"I know, Haz, but that's something I'll have to deal with."

Draco raised his head for the first time since Remus had entered the room. 

"Are you going to miss him?"

Was Remus going to miss him? Was he going to miss the smell of his aftershave, or how he left makeup all over the counters? Would he miss his messily made bed, or his leather jacket, or his hugs? Would he miss how he felt against his body, in his arms, with their lips together, smiling and content?

Remus wiped his eyes.

"Sirius was my childhood friend, and then my adulthood friend too. Yes, I'll miss him."

"You can call him, right?!" Seamus beamed, almost jumping from his seat, "You can call him and tell him we want him to come back and that we miss him! That  _ you  _ miss him!"

"I don't have his number, kid, otherwise I would! Things happen for a reason," He sighed, "And I'll know the reason for this one day."

\---

The next seven days passed miserably for Remus.

Too many hours had been spent checking the room for a note from Sirius. Just as many hours were spent trying to find him or his brother on social media. James spent more time trying to get Remus to eat than he ever had before, and Peter provided an endless supply of hugs and funny stories whenever needed. Remus and James had spoken about Sirius only once, on the Sunday after Sirius had left. It was only a short conversation where James explained how he loved Remus and gave him his support (after apologising for being, as Peter had worded it, an 'oblivious fucking wanker' over the past fourteen years).

Remus put on a brave face in front of the kids, or as brave as he could. The older ones appeared to know something was up, particularly Charlie, who seemed to make it his duty to check up on Remus once a day, whether during activities or mealtimes. The other councillors knew something was up, too, obviously having been informed that once of the councillors had to leave. All of them tiptoed around Remus, never bring up Sirius's name, and preferring to talk to James and Peter rather than him. 

Harry seemed worse for wear. 

James was distraught, Peter was tearing himself up over the whole thing, but Harry?

Harry had never seemed so low.

It was as though his life has been turned upside down (for the second time, since Sirius showing up was rather life-changing). He didn't seem to smile, he hardly spoke to his friends, and any time he did, Remus could tell it was forced. James was beyond worried, and Harry wouldn't even speak to Wormy, which is how they all knew this was serious.

Remus watched Harry over next to dock behind the house, his legs dangling just above the water. He picked up a rock, throwing it up and down a couple of times before tossing it over the water in a pathetic attempt to skip it. (Remus knew Harry could skip rocks. He and Peter had taken him out when he was six to teach him, and yet at that moment, he lobbed stones into the lake and called it a day.)

"Packed and ready to go tomorrow, kid?" Remus asked, trying to smile, as he walked up to his nephew. 

Harry flinched and threw in another rock. "Yeah," He mumbled, not looking up from the water. "I just wanna go home now."

"Why's that?"

"Miss mum," He shrugged, making it clear that wasn't the whole answer. 

"Ah."

Disrupting the silence with his footsteps, Remus sat down to Harry's right, settling on the sand and stretching his legs out. Harry pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them, looking firmly out to the horizon. 

It was odd for the air to seem so thick. Remus wasn't the most sociable creature, that was for sure (that title always fell to James, who was the go-to for making new friends at every turn, even though it was Sirius who'd ask for the bill at a restaurant) but he could at least talk to Harry. More than that, if he was honest - conversations between him and his best friends child always flowed so easily, and awkward silences didn't exist. 

Thankfully, Harry broke it.

"Uncle Moony?" He said with a cough. He sounded sure, and in a way, happier than he had all week. "Can I ask you a few things?"

"Of course you can, Prongslet, go ahead."

"Did you and Sirius have an argument?"

Tears were already pricking at Remus's eyes.

"N-no, we didn't, kid. Not as far as I know, anyway. He... never said anything. We had a good night the night before, and I thought everything was okay."

"What did you do?"

"Hm?"

"The night before?"

"Ah, well..." 

Remus wasn't about to tell him, not a chance. There was a time and a place for all that, and the kids last full day of camp was not that time or place. 

"We talked," He finally settled on (which wasn't exactly a lie). 

"Like? About?"

"We talked about a lot of things. Grown-up things, but it wasn't sad. It was nice."

Humming, content with the answer, Harry laid back on his hands.

"Do you miss him?"

"Of course I do, Haz."

"That's not changed, then," The young boy snickered, before his voice wavered again. "You... you seem sadder than Dad and Wormtail. They might be better at lying than you, and I just can't tell, but I always know when Daddy's upset and he's- well he is, but not that much. I think he's more sad for you than himself."

Remus chuckled. "You're only 10, stop acting so grown up!" He teased, ruffling Harry's hair. "Don't you worry about your dad and me, or your Uncle Pete. Your father will be fine once he's back with your mum, and Pete will be fine once he's home with your Auntie Mary, okay?"

"Why don't you have a wife?" Harry asked out of no-where. "I asked dad once, and he said you had to tell me, which I don't really get, but I thought I'd just ask anyway!"

Remus, for a second, thought about lying, just to make things easier. But now Harry was looking up at him so expectantly and curious, the thought of dismissing him left a bad taste in his mouth.

"You know, Harry, there are people who are different." He started with a sigh, and paused. Harry said nothing. "Like Uncle Peter," Remus decided was a good way to continue.

"Oh, okay. You mean because he's trans and has to wear a binder, like that?"

"Yeah, like that."

Harry seemed to ponder on this for a moment, and looked back over the lake. He picked up another rock and threw it up and down, catching it each time. "Are you like Uncle Peter, then?"

"No, no," Remus laughed, "I'm not. What I mean is that some people are different. So Uncle Peter has a different body to you and I and is Trans, and I don't fall in love with girls and am gay."

The rock fell back into Harry's hand. He tightened his grip on it and didn't move for a moment. Then, just as quickly as he'd tensed, he let it go, dropping it back to the sand.

"Oh. Okay."

"Is that alright?"

"Yeah?" Harry said with furrowed brows, confused. "Of course, it is. But my question is the same," He laughed. "Why don't you have a- well, a husband?"

Remus couldn't help by laugh a little. He leant back on his hands and looked up to the sky, smiling. 

"When I was ten," He started with a sigh, "I made three new friends. Now, all three of these friends were amazing, and they looked after me and loved me like no one else ever had before, but one of them? One of them was a little more special than the others. I had butterflies in my tummy whenever I spoke to him, he made me smile more than I did with anyone else and oh did he make me laugh. He'd hug me and take me on adventures, and he was perfect. Well, over time, I realised that he wasn't just a friend to me and that I was, in fact, in love with him. A lot. Then, when we got older,  _ this friend _ -" He paused to laugh. "You know who I'm on about, right?" Remus checked. He couldn't bring himself to say his name.

"Yeah, Uncle Moony, I do," Harry laughed back.

"Good. Well, my friend left. And even though he was gone for a very, very-"

"Very!"

"-Long time, I never stopped loving him. I could never fall  _ out _ of love with him, so I never fell  _ in _ love with anyone else."

There was another moment of silence. The water was still, hardly making a sound, and Remus didn't look down from the clouds until he felt a nudge on his arm. He looked to find Harry leaning against him, his cheek pressed into his arm as he stared up at him with a bright grin.

"But he's in love with you too!" Harry beamed, "You and Sirius act like Mum and Dad, so he must be in love with you!"

"Ah, Prongslet..." Remus took in a deep breath. He couldn't kid himself any longer, no matter how much he wanted to cling onto his nephew's words. "I thought so too. That's... that's what we talked about the other night."

"Huh?"

"I told him that I was in love with him, and he said he was in love with me too."

"That's good!"

"Harry, if it was good, then why isn't he still here?" Remus asked with pursed lips curled into a weak smile, and Harry's face dropped. 

The young boy opened his mouth a few times as though to speak, but words failed him each time. 

"It's okay, Haz," He smiled. Remus's shoulders, despite the tears building on his lashline and Harry's words heavy in his mind, felt lighter. The secret he'd been keeping for so long (being in love, that is) was finally out in the open, and he'd never felt so free. "I have you, and James and Peter and Lily, and that's all I need. Come on," Remus said, standing up from the ground and brushing the sand off of his trousers. "We should head off to dinner."

He stuck a hand out and pulled Harry up, who also brushed off his own clothes, but kept his feet firmly in place as Remus began to walk.

"Harry, you coming?"

"Uncle Remus," Harry said nervously, "Will you be alright? Without him, I mean?"

"Yeah," Remus smiled, "I will be."

Neither seemed totally convinced.


End file.
